Thursday, October 04, 2007

Long Term Relationship

As if I have found the one and want to keep it a long term relationship. Don't worry guys! I am still single and available. Just that watching this movie really have me thinking about a lot of things, again!

First, of course, me being single and closeted. It was a struggle really to come out of the closet. I don't know. I don't have friends who are gay and I can't be sure any of my friends who are gay-friendly. I still remember when I was in the university, there's this friend of mine, whose friend found out that his roommate computer contained pictures of a man giving a blowjob to another man. Freaked out. He swore he would keep a distant from his roommate. My friend even warned him to be careful!

What the ****? As if gay man is an alien or something?! We hardly harm anyone!

Since then I told myself that I won't try too hard to come out. Come what may. Telling myself that when time comes, I will come out, as naturally as possible. I am tired of thinking and worrying over the different consequences after I come out. So I might as well enjoy myself and living a normal life.

Of course besides that, I am still thinking about having a boyfriend. No doubt being single is alright for me for the moment. I would say it's for the best. Knowing that I care myself more than anyone else for the moment. Trying really hard to support myself financially. Going on dates need money. Alright, I have many people tell me that I won't need to spend so much on dating and stuff and that it will be fun. But sorry, they still could not convince me. Date without spending money? Well, unless we stay home all day all night.

Anyway, that still don't stop me from hoping to really meet that someone who I could really look for whenever I'm happy or sad, the one who I can hold his hand whenever I feel I want to, the one who I can kiss on the lips, the one who I can touch whenever I want, the one who encourage and motivate me, the one who bring colours to my life... the one who I can sleep with and waking up having him kissing on my forehead...


Being gay, that is. I can watch tonnes and tonnes of gay-themed movies and read millions of gay-themed books. That will only give me more amazing and wilder imagination. At the end, it was as if I am still walking in the lonesome street at night telling myself I am pathetic enough. And then I would take a deep breath and said :"Life goes on!".

Spending lovely evening watching sunset? Wonderful!

Long term relationship?! Hahaha... I don't even have a boyfriend to discuss about. Having a wife and kids 10 years later, that's what I fear most!


joshua said...

just take life a step at a time, u will reach ur destination... and one that u will be happy with at that



nash said...

joshua's advice is as good as any.

it's really surprising that you're not surrounded by any gay friends. i'm not sure how tough that is.

ahhh.....the joy of being in a relationship - i crave for it too :D

Crazy Sam said...

Boy! Do we all look forward to have a relationship or what!! I can very well feel your emotions as I too am in the same state.

Don't worry dude, you will find your man. I know it sounds cliche, but you gotta believe in that. Love comes knocking when you are least expecting.. :p