Merry Christmas '07

I know I know... It's loud! The red colour background, I mean. But come on, it's Christmas time! So please just endure this loudness until the end of 25th December. LOL...







Doing nothing much lately during my holiday. It's funny, really. I thought I would be hiding in my bedroom all days and nights watching porn wanking my foreskin off... Oops, did I just say that?! But no. That's not what I did for my holiday. Been with my family really. Helping mum with the house chores. Went to watch movies with my brother and sister. Hanging out with old friends. And lotsa family dinner. It's nice, really!







And for the first time, I am having this Christmas eve on my own. No countdown celebration. No going out with friends. No worrying over being alone in this festive season. No extravaganza. No nothing. And here I am sitting in front of my computer typing a new post to update my blog.







And what I am gonna do is just to post more hunks here. Because that's what makes the season bright for me. :D







So... "Although it's been said, many times many ways... Merry Christmas to you!"

(Still) Holiday-ing

It's the third day of my holiday. Wow... good times really went off so fast that I did not even realized until now. Having great times for the past two days even though I still having dreams at night which really bother me some times. I wanted to have a good sleep like... once you sleep there's no dream... no nothing... until you wake up the next morning and feeling refreshed and just want to smile.

I can give you a 'good time'!

Anyway, waking up knowing that it's holiday is just good enough. Even though for the first two days I kinda worry about what would happened when I get back to office : Will there be any problems? Will customers having complaints? Will I be able to cope with the pile up workloads? I even attempt to access my office email from home! But I managed to refrain myself from doing this stupid thing! Perhaps I need time to adjust myself to BE AWAY from work.

And yes! A long holiday seems like a good "therapy" for me. And I realize that's not all. I need to do something I like. I need to go find my old friends. I need to socialize. Last night I have attended a gathering with a bunch of old friends. It was really nice. To be in touch with friends... the feeling is just great. Knowing that they are well and healthy.... reminiscing the good old times. They just put smile on my face. And I felt warm inside.

Ahh... so warm!!

Oh, I got to play the piano too which have been neglected for quite some times. I don't have the patience to learn new songs, I realized. Hahaha... It's definitely not the time to push myself and learn up new song, really. So, I enjoyed playing those old songs that I (still) am good at. :p

Been downloading some good movies too. Should spend some times watching sweet romantic movies. It's really sad my favourite drama series "Brothers and Sisters" is stopped temporarily due to don't-know-what reason. Can't wait to see how Kevin's life will be. For now, I should just enjoy some other things.

How about spending some time with me at the beach?!

X'mas Shopping

Yeap, the title tells it all. I went to One Utama today and shop. Been wandering around the MPH Bookstore and bought a few gifts for another Christmas Gift Exchange Party tomorrow night. Ain't gonna tell what I have bought, but surely one of them is no cheap stuff.

Everything I own is no cheap stuff!

I already know who I should buy the gift for (after randomly picked up a name from the almost look like "The Goblet of fire" thing). Apparently I have to buy a gift for someone very special to me. Well, someone I admired and almost fell for, until I have to painfully admit he's straight and got married with a lucky lady. So, now we remain good friends. And no, he doesn't know I am... who I am. That's fine. It's better to keep it this way.

And I actually bought another few christmas gifts, specially to another few men who are my good friends. I thought it's nice to buy them gifts just to let them know I care for them and glad that they're my friends. I think it's always nice to be nice to others, especially to those that you really care about.

You do know how to take care of me, right?!

However, I really enjoyed the shopping though. Part of it is because I got to see the Christmas decoration in One Utama. I was like... "Oh, look at that drummer boys in the center court! And those tiny little christmas trees...". Feel so good! With all the christmas songs and the people carrying bags of good and christmas presents... It's like every air I breath is christmas-ize! Hahaha... What am I talking about?!

Anyway, another reason I enjoyed the shopping is, of course, I got to enjoy some eye-candies. Oh my, I can just sit in one corner and enjoy hunks walking by. I even saw a hot hot HOT HOT (I wish I could stress the word more) hunky Caucasian stud in the Padini Store. He was wearing sleeve-less round-neck shirt, short-pants and wearing sporty-shoes. And OMG, his pecs, his bulky arms, his firm butt... oh, I tried not to stare at him too much to avoid causing tent at my crotch area. And I later noticed he was checking out a hot chick inside the store. Urgh, such a turn off. Still, I always appreciate the beauty of male. Especially male body. :p

Are you staring at me?!

And the funny thing is, I did not buy anything for myself. Been shopping in One U for like hours. I walked in fancy gifts shop, wandered around Padini's concept store, and even MPH bookstore... and yet I found nothing good for myself. I don't mind really. After all, the purpose of being there in One Utama is to buy the christmas gifts. And I have done my part.

I Am Free

Finally, it has arrived! The long awaited holiday! Oh, I am so thrilled! I made sure I finished all my work earlier today. And right at the last minute my boss always manage to come up with new task for me to do. And I have to rush and make sure it was done by today. And yes, I completed the task! I worked pretty late today. Before I left my office, I kind of check my table and stuff... it feels like bidding farewell to my office. LOL...

Goodbye, for now!

I still can't really believe I am going for a 6 days holiday. So worry that customers might call during my holiday and there might be things I haven't done. But fuck it. I cast away all my worries and fears. Left them all in the office. I stepped out of the office, and I went home with a light heart.

I am free...

O Come, My Holi-Day!

Nothing is as exciting as knowing that your long holiday is coming soon. Very soon! Yes, after working like a cheap-slave for almost a year, I finally give myself a BIG reward by taking leave. A long long leave! Actually I took only two days leave, but having public holiday in between, I will be off from office for 6 days continuously. OK, maybe some of you think 6-days off from office is like nothing (as I heard some of my friend took one whole week leave to go abroad with family!), but to me it is consider very long. Fuck, I only have two public holidays during Chinese New Year early this year.

Aren't you gonna ask me out?!

Anyway, don't ask me what am I going to do this coming holiday because I do not plan. And I am not going anywhere. Most probably, I'll just stay home and do whatever I feel like want to do. I have a few things in mind though. Like watching romantic, chic-flick DVDs while eating Baskin Robbin ice-cream, or perhaps sipping green tea in the afternoon while watching out of the window enjoying the rain singing their favourite songs... oh if I am hard-working enough, I might grab my gym bag, drive all the way to the fitness center and work-out. I so wanna bulk-up like Chris Evans.

Oh oh oh.... how can I forget about going to spa? Or go for a facial treatment?! Oooh la la... Men's Skin Center, where are you?! I was thinking about going for a massage as well. Gosh, my neck hurt these days. Not sure if it was because my sleeping posture or I am just too tensed up. I surely need a massage on the neck. Might as well have a full body massage, follow by a spa, then a facial treatment... by hunky stud. Oh, wonderful!

Why don't you join me jogging at the park?!

And that's not all. Every morning, I shall wake up breathing the fresh air. Then maybe I should go to the nearby park and jog in hope that I might see some hunks jogging there as well. Who knows I might stumbled upon one of the stud and we might go breakfast together and who knows where that will lead us to. No?

Hmm... how about making cookies at home and enjoy it during tea break around 3pm to 4pm? Yummy! I love cookies. Biscuit also fine. Oh I know how to bake butter cakes. My family loves it. Maybe I should go buy the ingredients these days so I can bake cake during my holiday. Oh, shopping!!! It's time to go shopping! Year End Sale! Oh no, I need to save money. Buy car! Buy car!! I should just stay home and read! That'll be fine.

I need my car!

So many things to be done. And I think... in the end... I'll be staying home sleeping... eating... sleeping... eating... watching tv... and sleeping... whatever! Tomorrow is another working day and I am off for my HOLIDAY!!! Yay!!!

Christmas Gift

It is actually fun to buy and prepare Christmas gift to your friends or love ones. To choose the correct gift for the correct person, wandering around the shopping malls, climbing from floor to floor. And we won't feel tired. Instead, thinking about the excitement when they receive the gift, it keeps us going to make sure we choose the right and special gift.

All I want for Christmas ... is you!

Christmas is around the corner and my company (like some others) actually organizes this christmas gift exchange thing and we have to randomly pick a number from a bowl to see to whom you need to buy the christmas gift to. And having my hands put into the bowl and randomly pick a number, I chose the lucky number and I later found out that I have to buy a christmas gift to one of my senior, a guy.

I find it very difficult to buy a present to a guy. Girls are so much more easier to be pleased. Just simply buy soft toy or anything pinky and soft would make them happy. But for guys? hmm... I seriously don't know what to get. Especially straight guy. I can only think of those expensive stuff like jersey shirt, tie with tie clips, 2GB pendrive... but we should only buy gift which never less than RM20.

You surely know how to please me, don't you?!

Hmm... anything cost around RM 20? I seriously don't know. I know there is tie which cost only RM 9.90. But that would be too cheap. And those jersey shirt etc are just too expensive. Alex suggested to me to give voucher, but after consulting the organizer, she said :"Not so nice lo!". Duh, then what now?! Buy condoms and lubes?! I surely don't mind, but I don't wanna humiliate myself in front of those conservative and not-so-open-minded colleagues.

The worse part is, I don't really know the person (who I need to buy the gift to) too well, although he's one of my senior. Sucks, right?! And you know what I am going to buy?! Socks! I think every guys need them and that should be the gift I am gonna buy for him!

I need no underwear, do I?

Now, I wonder what I will get during the christmas celebration in my office. A phone number of a hunk?! No, that doesn't cost RM20. Underwear?! No, nobody knows my size. Erm... books? stationary? Photo frame? Mug? Whatever! I think I should do a wish-list!

Paranoia

"I'm scared... so afraid to show I care...Will he think me weak... if I tremble when I speak..."

I'm scared...

No no no! That's not what I am scared of. Anyway, guess what song that is?! It's one of my favourite song sung by two legends.

OK, back to the topic, yeah I think I am a paranoid. I have this fear that stays with me for quite some times already since my depression two years back. And having this fear and worry have kept me away from a lot of things that I wanted to try to do.

How I wish I could do that again...

Yes, I am not sure if it is a fear or just something that I am over-worried. So what it is actually? It's about hygiene and cleanliness. Yes, I am very typical with these things. Not because I am obsessed with cleanliness that even a slight dirt on the table will drive me crazy, but I am very worried to be infected with deadly disease such as HIV or AIDS.

So how serious my worry can be? Well I wash my hands regularly. Not that it is not good actually as it keeps me away from germs and bacterias. Yes, I know those germs and bacterias can be everywhere and eventually they will stick on my hands and any other part of my body without my knowledge. But germs and bacterias are not what I worry about actually. It's those deadly disease, again, HIV or AIDS virus!

What are those things?!

Now, don't get me wrong! I am well-aware that HIV and AIDS can only be transmitted through blood or body fluids. Thus, those diseases most probably can only be transmitted through unprotected sex (even oral sex?) and blood transfusion. And that those virus will be dead when they're out of human body. (Am I right?! Correct me if I am wrong!).

Now, what am I worry about then?! I always have this worry that everywhere I touched like door knobs, the toilet, chairs at the mamak stalls... etc, will have those virus. Worse still when I find those places or those things (like door knobs or chairs) are sticky, I always imagine those fluids are human's sperm which contain the deadly virus.

And whenever I think about it, I felt very frustrated and will try every possible way to wash my hands or wherever my body that had come into contact with that thing. I hate to go mamak stall because those places are so unhygienic! I hate it when the door knobs (especially the toilet's door) is wet because I won't know whether it is purely water or cum stain from some horny perverts who desperately "released his tension" in the toilet without washing his hands. And it drive me crazy when I see spit on the floor due to "you know why now".

So tired of worrying...

However, having this fear or worry have really make my life SO MUCH difficult! Not only did I have to wash my hands regularly. If makes me feel worse when I cannot feel my hands are clean enough and I keep washing until I have to convince myself that I had washed my hands and I should let go and stop worrying.

For two years now, it was really a torture back then. Now I am letting it go easier then before. I seriously have no idea how I lived for the past two years worrying over this things. And still am worrying. I remember a year back, I have myself check for S.T.D. and HIV for a few times within two months. Doctor is calling it the Obsessive Compulsive Disorder(OCD). I wonder what kind of treatment I should get? See a shrink?! The doctor said I should seek help from religion which I am and it does help a bit.

A shrink?! Is there any hunky shrink available?!

So, I wash my hands more often than others. I shower longer than others. And I need everything to be clean and not wet! Don't ever let me see fluids in white colour! Even something with water (even transparent with no colour) on it will make me think something stupid! I sometime laugh at myself for being a paranoid knowing that it is only my imagination that play trick with my mind. But after that, I will still worry and telling myself that better careful than sorry later.

And I keep worrying... everyday!

O Holy Night

I was introduced to this song by Mariah Carey who sang this song beautifully. Since then, I always play this song during christmas time (even though my favourite christmas song would still be "Miss You Most" by Mariah, again!).

And I miss you... most at christmas time...

And if you know this song, it's actually very difficult to sing. Not only because it is in slow pace where you need a lot of breath to support the voice, at the end the note is very high. So it's either you will sing it perfectly well, or you might just screw up the whole song.

Anyway, while you-tubing trying to enjoy Mariah's version of O Holy Night, I stumbled upon this cute guy who could sing this song pretty well. So check this out:



He's good, isn't he? Anyway, Josh Groban still does the BEST!



Amazing voice! And the next one by N'Sync acapella version. I always love to listen to A-Capella.



And lastly, I'll just have to put this up. I know this is a male blog, but Mariah's just too amazing. Not to mention she's definitely loved by most (if not all) gay men. So this is the clip I love and always enjoy watching to...



Phew! Her unique and wide range of voice... simply blow me away! It's time to re-arrange my christmas songs track-list. Gonna play them over and over again during this coming christmas holiday of mine.

Things We Had

I was chatting with a friend this morning through internet when we talked about how high one's sex drive can be when he's still young. But when we gets older, our sex drive will decrease and when we reach 50 years old and above, we might be reminiscing how horny we could be when we were still young and that how many times we could masturbate a day... etc.

Ah, here I need to do it again...

I guess it's an indisputable fact that our sex drive will "go down the hill" as we're getting older. So I was thinking, should we have more sex while we are still young? While we can still get our dick (almost typed our duck there) erected very easily and while we could go another round right after our first or even second orgasm. Because we will never know whether we can do that again after 10 or 20 years.

This remind me of about my voice. I remember well that I have a good voice when I was a young kid. It seems that all kids' voice are special and pure. And me, I have had a very good voice which won me a lot of prizes in singing competition. And I used to sang a lot when I was free, when I was in the bathroom (gosh there was the best environment to sing!), before I went to sleep... etc). And my parents love to hear me sing. But whenever they requested me to sing, I always shy away and didn't sing them any songs.

Nah... you aren't gonna hear me sing!

And now, not that I have a totally bad vocal. But I think I could sing better then. Thanks to my puberty, I have grown up and have a rough (and hardly sexy) voice. A high baritone, I am. I can't really sing any song well enough to even impress myself. Suddenly I missed the voice I once had back then.

Actually there are still a lot of things that I once had and lost now. But guess that's a lesson we all learned. Appreciate whatever we have now and not regret later. Guess that's part of life. Not everything is permanent. Like the winter will eventually turn into spring. So enjoy and appreciate whatever we possess now... at least we had them once.

Should I do it again!?

So, being young and healthy, does that mean I should masturbate more (since I don't have anyone to have sex with)? Like twice or triple a day?! LOL... just kidding! But seriously we need to really appreciate life!

The Unknown

Those things that we don't know can be creepy. And not knowing something can be scary. Thanks to our curiosity, we human always wants to know more. More facts. More information. We are scared of not knowing something. Perhaps because we don't want to be left behind.

What's it?!

There's another reason for wanting to know something. To have the sense of security. Like knowing more about disease and sickness. We want to know more about them so we know how to prevent, control or cure. And knowing more make us feel safe and calm. Being ignorant about them can make us feel uncertain of the future and it will lead to depression.

And I have met the unknown fact today. Well, so far it is an unknown fact. Something wrong with the system but I still have no idea why or what is the cause of the problem. That's frustrating. Not knowing the cause of the problem is bad. Is really bad! Because you won't know what to do. Like curing a sick patient, if you don't know what is the cause of the sickness, you won't know what kind of treatment to give.

And you don't know me...

And I hate looking at the cause of the problems. Problem itself is already sickening. Not knowing the cause of this problem is even worse. You won't know how long it will take for you to figure it out. It can be in a few seconds. And it can also be a few days, a few weeks or even a few months. And having the deadline tomorrow, I feel like ... SHIT! Having working hard the whole day, I didn't even have any more energy to figure out what is wrong with the system. After trying to have myself sit in front of the computer and do some trial on error, in the end, I gave up and went home. I have a backup plan of course. Somehow I believe after a good rest and fresh mind, I should be able to work and perform better.

Refresh..Rejuvenate...Relive...

Still, having an unsolved problems there always make me feel insecure. What if tomorrow I can't solve it? What if things got worse? What if customers complain? What if ... all that fucking jazz. I won't know. The cause of the problem remain unknown. And I am gonna fucking figure it out tomorrow.

Lucky Me

I stumbled upon an old friend last night. A childhood friend. Glad to see him really with his beautiful girlfriend. He was once a person that I look up to when I was still a young kid. Not only because he was athletic (he could run very fast and always won in running race then. So imagine his muscular thighs!), he was kind and humorous in some ways.

Ahh... look at that thighs!

Last night when I saw him again, he looked tired and unhappy. After saying hello and everything, I asked about how his work. He didn't know how to response. He even hesitated to just say something casual like "Still the same... Not much different..." Guess he has issue with his working life as well. That's something I could really relate to. Look at a few of my previous posts. All griping over working life. Unconsciously, griping and complaining have already become part of my life.

Working life sucks!

I was a little worried last night after our short conversation. Concern about his current life. He was not a student who passed exams with flying colours (why are most athletes not good in studying?!), so he hardly got his diploma and stepped into this cold harsh to work. Having a job with low salary, he could hardly support himself, not to mention his old parents. He also has a car which still paying under installment. Gosh, even a professional workers like me could hardly maintain a car, and I wonder how he did it! Not only that, her old mother was also struggling to pay the loan for a new house they just bought. Him being the eldest son, I think he hope to help her mother out. But he already has a lot of burden. Such pressure!

Suddenly I find myself lucky. Not only because I manage to finish my degree and has a stable job with stable income, I am lucky I don't have to bear any other burden except paying back my PTPTN loan. Yes, I am going to get a car soon but with the recent increment I've got, I think I still manage to support myself and the family.

I'm OK!

Last night, I pray for the friend of mine. May he be blessed with hopes, loves and lots of lucks!

Aftermath...

Tired. That's how I feel. Yes, that's how I feel on this not so usual Sunday. Having said that, I am just too lazy to talk about this whole tiring day. And knowing tomorrow is Monday makes me feel even more exhausted! Mentally, such a torment!

Ahh... so tired!

And I kinda feel like I have this high fever. My throat is dry and my lips... oooh hot and dry. Burned! Even swallowing gallons of water doesn't put away the fire that is burning my whole body. To make thing worse, I have ulcers in my upper jaws. And damn it, it hurts whenever I eat.

I think I want to go for a spa. Put myself into a bathtub and enjoy the warm water caressing my body with lotsa roses' petal floating on the water. Followed by a good full body massage would be perfect. And make sure it's a hot hunk who massaged me. Oh no no no! Better not. I think he will eventually turn out massaging the wrong part of my body. Subsequently, there would be another intensive exercise for me. But then again, I think I don't mind. Urgh, I am a slut!

Do you mind give me a massage?!

Oh my, tired tired tired. It's like having put myself into a battle of war. If only I am one of the 300 Spartans. Otherwise, trust me, I am weak! You see, for now, even a small bite from the ant will be more than enough to defeat me. OK, maybe I am exaggerating! But I am just too tired now to even move my hand. Imagine my wrists on the table right in front my of computer keyboard unmoved. Only my fingers struggling to press the correct key on the keyboard. That's how I type this post. Thankfully, my fingers are long enough.

You made me weak...

If that's how it's gonna be. Well, that's it then. I'm talking about KL city's life, just in case you're wondering.

Oh dear, I really don't know what to talk about. After a tiring day, there's really nothing I could talk about. I missed my bed...

hmm... are you coming to join me?!

Darren Hayes

I've got to read from a blog (I forgot which blog!) about him being gay. And the next thing I do is to google him out where I found he has a new album "This Delicate Thing We've Made" released recently. Then I check out you tube to find some of his previous live performance and music video (MV).



Previously a member of the famous Savage Garden, he went solo few years back and he's HOT! I still like his Truly Madly Deeply and "I Knew I Loved You" but after he went solo, I kinda stop listening to his music. Perhaps his "Insatiable" was just too futuristic for me last time when I found it kinda hard to accept. Besides, his hairstyle then was just... I don't like it. But now, he looks cool. Delicately good-looking. And now when I try to listen to "Insatiable" again, I find it pretty cool. Is it because of the hair? I doubt so.



Anyway, having a new album released, he had done quite a few promotion lately and live performances can be found in youtube. I don't really like his live performance anyway, vocal somewhat, not in the right order. And his frequent using of falsetto didn't come out as nicely as in the CD recording. Perhaps the live recording quality is too bad. Well, it's in youtube, what can I expect?! So I better off listen to his original recording. And his latest MV is fucking HOT! I love this kinda MV. Elegant and Sexy. There's a little shadow of Justin Timberlake there. (Oooh, Justin never fail to woo me with his sexiness!) But he has his own unique way. The suit and tie, just fucking turn me so on!

Darren Hayes - Me, Myself & I


Now I should check out his new album and see if I like it. Even Justin Timberlake's new trend of futuristic "Futuresex/Lovesound" was difficult to be accepted. But the more you listen to it, the more you like it. I suspect Darren's new album will be some sort the same. And I hope it's as hot as Justin's. Both of their music were just so gay-friendly!

Darren Hayes - On The Verge Of Something Wonderful


Ahh... such songs just make me feel fabulous! And I must not fail to include the following clip here. Check out Darren singing with Pavarotti!

Pavarotti & Darren - O Sole Mio


Yeap, both of them are good! Impressive! I like it!

Give Me A Break

"Who do you think you are for asking me to do that?! Just because you're well respected by other people doesn't mean that you have the special privileges to order people to do things you want people to do. And what do you think I am? Your slave or your maid?! And why should I even fucking consider your request which seem like an order?! You think you're King? Please!"

Fuck off!

I thought I have been very obvious about not wanting to do that job. Not that I don't like it, but I just don't want to stress myself up again having so many jobs in hand already. I know my limit. And don't even fucking ask me to push myself to the limit, for I have been pushing myself to the limit for the past 10 years and I ought to give myself a BIG TIME BREAK! And I know when I push myself too hard, I will end up being somebody worse and hell knows what would happen to me mentally and physically.

The thing is I am the perfect candidate to do that job. And I am well-known for being good at it (even though I hardly find myself up to the professional level). I think they must have been running out of better candidate. And being well-known is not good. Everytime when they need somebody to do that job, you will be the first one they ask for. Pretty straight-forward you see. But I am just tired of doing it. Besides, I have so many other tasks in hand waiting for me to settle. What now? So if I am good in everything, I will need to do everything?! Come on, go train up some other people!

I know I'm good. But there is someone better. Go dig 'em out!

Seriously when that person (don't bother to ask who he is) called me and request me to do that job, I was about to yell at him like how I wrote above. But being me, damn, sometime I am just too good to be true. I fucking accepted his request. Of course, unwillingly. And I made sure he felt that I was accepting it UNWILLINGLY.

I am not sure I am being an asshole or what. Maybe he called me at the wrong time. I was too caught up with overwhelming workloads and other problems having dogs and cats fight in my head. Chaos! I don't shout or yell. But something exploded within me. Headache! Headache! But come to think about it, I could've simply rejected him. And why am I still fucking accept it? Hmm... maybe, again, I don't want to be an asshole!? Or I couldn't reject his sincerity (as he actually called me up and kindly request)? Or is it because I actually like to do that job?!

Can't you see the fire in my eyes?!

Confused. But I am seriously stressed-up again. I have written an email for my leave application. I shouldn't think too much. Will just send the email to the boss tomorrow. I need to give myself a long break.

Don't Speak

Speaking is an art. And one word can mean so much. I don't find myself speak a lot these days. But I used to be very talkative when I was young. There were so many things to talk about. Many new interesting things to share and to discuss with friends. But nowadays, I find myself hardly amused by anything. And that the enthusiasm to talk and share has long gone.

I'm a shy guy!

Besides, talk too much will bring you trouble at times. Like the Chinese old saying:"Misfortune caused by the mouth. (祸从口出！）. Yeah, I have to agree with it. It's most of the time uncontrollable when we talk too much and we hardly process in our brain what we are going to speak especially when we speak too fast. And we won't know the audience will be offended or not by our words.

And it's true that words can bring hope to a person and may bring a person down to the deep valley of despair. Yes, words can be very powerful. So we have to use it wisely.

Having said that, to communicate with other people we'll need to be very careful, of course. Different people has their own pantang larang and we better not offend them by talking something they really do not like to hear. I won't need to list out all the example. Living in this multi-racial, multi-cultured country, we have well learned how to respect each other and know what is the 'Dos and Don'ts'.

Don't say a word! Just do me!

However, sometime we just happen to say the wrong thing at the wrong time. Or we mistakenly said something that we shouldn't say and it's too late to do anything as the words had already slipped out of your mouth. That's what happened to me just now. I was talking with my colleague about our company and how we feel about the company, how long we've been working there...etc. Then, I accidentally mentioned about my salary figure to my colleague. Since he joined the company a few months later than me, I am not sure if his salary is higher or lower than me. I would be glad to know if he has higher salary as I don't really mind. But if his salary is lower, will he be offended? Or lose his motivation to work in the company?! Well, I seriously don't know. But I shouldn't have mentioned about my salary.

I was like... Shit! Fucked up! But there's nothing much I could do about it. Hopefully he didn't really mind. Such thing is really sensitive. And hopefully he won't go spread around my salary to others in the company. But he doesn't seem like a 'broadcaster', anyway! Again, I seriously hope that my 'mistake' won't affect him too much. Feel guilty already.

Kiss me so I don't talk too much!

Anyway, what's done is done. Nothing much I could do about it. I'll just need to make sure I won't repeat the same mistake. Damn! I should practice 'do more talk less'. But then again, it is so boring to just do and not talk!! So Not Fabulous! :p I think I'll just need to think twice before I speak. :D

I'm Changing

Suddenly I have this thought of starting everything all over again. Like being a new person, having new resolution, having new attitude and personality, having new hairstyle, having new dreams, having new clothes and pants, having new shoes... all new! Is it because it has come to the end of the year and it's time to reflect and start things anew for coming new year? Maybe. But not entirely.

The new me!

Been really sick of being me. Hahaha... It seems that I will never stop complain about being myself. Yet, I never change to be the person I want to be. I don't see myself putting effort to be that someone I want to be though. And that's really sickening too!

And what actually cause me to have such thought of starting anew and change myself?! I seriously have no idea. I always comes up with new plan, new things, new dreams... and they all just turn into ashes the next day.

I also realize that every morning I wake up, I hardly feel refreshed and excited to meet the new day. Instead, I always feel restless and disappointed to have to wake up from my sleep and deal with all the same old problems again. I think I should change my attitude. And do something interesting. Like waking up in the morning and say to myself :"YOU'RE GORGEOUS TODAY!". Or something like :"I LOVE YOU, RYAN!"

"I'm gorgeous, everyday!"

I remember there's this suggestion : Waking up every morning, look into the mirror and smile at yourself. You'll be happy the whole day. Maybe I should try that. But I doubt it will work for me. Because having my hair un-comb, I would definitely look stupid if I look into the mirror and smile at myself. Weird!

Anyway, changes need to be made. I think I will take this whole month to do some real reflection. Identify my strengths and my weaknesses. My mistakes and my achievements. And from there, I should know where I will go and how I want to be. And changes is not easy. But I'll take it slow.

I can almost predict, tomorrow I'll forget about this. Will I?!

Numb

It is very difficult indeed to be calm and steady all the time. Especially living in this happening city of Kuala Lumpur. Every day has new challenges. There will always be something that makes you happy or sad, brings you fear or excitement, hope or disappointment... And I found myself always being taken away by those unexpected events...

What now?!

And after working for more than two years, instead of growing stronger and wiser, I think I have gone numb. All those series of unfortunate events won't affect me much anymore, and it's not because I am strong enough to handle them, but I am just numb. Not that I am so calm and steady that whatever obstacles that come in my way I'll just cast them away with a raise of my hand. But I feel like I am pretty much like a zombie already.

I don't really admire this me. Emotionless. It's like making the whole world grey in colour. But somehow I need such me, so that it is not so hurtful to face this, most of the time, cold world.

So Live & So Loud

Yeah! I was there in Bukit Kiara last night together with my sister. We were there like around 6:30pm or earlier, maybe. Anyway, we couldn't find any parking nearby so we have to park our car somewhere farther. Having walk all the way from where we parked the car, we were disappointed to find out that there was this banner pasted everywhere around the entrance stating "NO CAMERAS!".

Hey man, going to the live & loud concert too?

Goodness! They were having porn videos shooting or what?! Why can't we bring camera in?! And we couldn't get a photo of Whitney?! Oh it so reminded me of the movie "The Bodyguard" where the assassin was carrying the video recorder trying to shoot "The Queen of The night". Maybe that's why no cameras allowed in to the open-air park. I thought I would try to sneak the camera into my pocket. But they have this body-checking and laser-sensing before we got into the park. So even sneaking the camera inside my underwear wouldn't work. Having no choice, we have to walk all the way back to where we parked the car and hide our camera in the car and walked back again to the entrance.

I shall skip the detail of buying food to eat and hunting for hunky stud. But I saw Sunny (one of the dance instructor for California Fitness) there. Not so into him, but he's still one cutie-pie. And standing in the crowd and squeezing with each other was inescapable. Anyway, we didn't have to wait long to see that the concert started around 7:30pm. And I ain't gonna go into detail about the whole concert. I'll just talk about some of my favourite performances during the whole concert.

First of all, Elliot Yamin. Oooh... is he not hot?! Even though I could hardly sing along any of his songs, he sure good in singing live. Those special voice of his (sounds like AJ from BSB) surely was entertaining. The only song that I heard before from him should be "Waiting for you".

Waiting for me?!

Then we have the Malaysian ALL STARs performances. I could not recognise all of them. But those that I know are Jaclyn Victor, Anuar Zain and Nikki. Some other unknown malaysian artist were pretty good actually. If only they were given more chance and opportunities, I think they will do well in the international stage. And the last song they performed together was somehow touching. They sang "That's what friends are for". And yeah, those divas wannabe really singing their hearts out. Imagine few women singing in high-pitch twisting and turning the melody, almost like a vocal battle on the stage. But I like that. Because that's how I can see who can really sing. :p

My favourite part would be the Shaggy performance. Oh my, he was fucking SEXY! And he loves doing that thang - shaking his buttocks front and back (you sure know how to do it, don't you?!) and slowly swaying his buttock in circle. OOoh... I was like screaming for him when he did that thang of his while singing "Mr. Lova Lova...". Almost heard myself calling"Oh yea, sexy mama!" And that's not all, beside taking up his shirt showing his belly up to his chest from time to time, he fucking pushing his crotch to the front a few times while singing his sexy songs. Oh, that was so turning me on! He must be good being a TOP. Oops! Did I just say that?! *Blush*

Yeah, you like it when I do this, don't you?!

Before I got to see the last performance by Whitney, I hated, pretty much annoyed to that fact that we have to wait for more than 30 minutes after the Shaggy's performance to let the stage crews re-setup the stage foe Whitney's performance. Standing in the crowd wasn't comfortable. It was already 12am. And I have to keep finding fresh air to breath. It made the situation even worse when those desperate smokers started to lit their cigarettes and exhaling their poisonous gas into the air. And I was so exhausted standing there since 8pm. Well, nothing much that I could do, really.

Anyway, Whitney's performance started around 12:30pm. And she was FABULOUS last night! Even though I found it hard to accept the fact that she tried to change the style for most of the songs, but she still managed to impress me with her good voice. She did not show her powerful voice last night. A little weak, I felt. Maybe she has not got used to the weather in Malaysia? Or perhaps she was not in her best condition. But I did notice she tried her best. Even though her singing of "I will always love you" was not impressive enough to blow me away, but her sincerity was just breath-taking and touched my heart. The way she bow was just elegant and sincere. I definitely wish her well. And is anticipating her come-back album next year! Oh I cannot miss to say that I love her dress last night! She was GORGEOUS in that purple dress! Definitely The Queen of The Night!

I will always love you too, Whitney!

I love the concert. The feeling was great! I did not regret having to pay so much money for that expensive tickets. Worth every single penny! Experiencing that loud thumping beat of the music was amazing. I could feel every single cells in my body was dancing with the beat. My sister told me that's how it feel when you're in the disco club or pub. Yes, I have not been to clubbing! :p Nobody believes that. Don't know why?! :p

Anyway, I have had a BLAST!!

My LCD Monitor

This has got to be the second most expensive stuff I bought for myself. Been planing to buy a better monitor for my own viewing pleasure. Staring at the 17" old non-LCD monitor had been really torturing. Not only because the screen is small, it also ate up a lot of my table space. And it was SO NOT elegant! So since few months (or maybe few years) back, I had planned to buy myself a LCD monitor.

Damn! Do I really need to stick with this ancient monitor?!

Back then when LCD monitor started to become something new in the market, everybody has got themselves a 17" non-wide screen monitor. I was in awe when I saw one of my friend who has it in his house. He must be freaking rich, I told myself. And yes, he is richer than me of course. Or maybe his father is well-loaded and wealthy, to be more precise. So to buy a LCD monitor for myself is so out of my ability back then.

Anyway, I was so jealous when I saw my younger brother bought himself a new set of computer with 19" wide screen LCD monitor. And from then on, I swore that I will get myself a LCD monitor as well. A better one!

Well, saving money is a VERY big challenge for me. I spend money like there's no tomorrow. That's why I hardly save money to buy things as it's just too impossible for me. That's why, after my brother bought his computer for more than a year, I still haven't got myself a new LCD monitor.

And this month, since I've got some extra cash (from project's incentive), I clapped my hands happily and started the plan to bring a new LCD monitor home. So after doing some survey at the Lowyat Plaza for a few weeks, I bought myself a LCD monitor. And here it is :

LG 20" wide screen

I immediately changed my monitor once I got home and damn, everything seem so big now! Oh, and those hunky photos I have in my pc... oh my, they just look better viewing with LCD monitor. And I so love blogging now. It seems like all the blogs also looks better. :p

Of course, I never fail to try watch a few movies. Somehow some of the movie doesn't seem so nice anymore as the resolution is not as high. But then again, the visual effects are better with those high-quality movie that I downloaded from the net. Don't talk about clips from youtube, they look so blur with lotsa of small little squares. But then I don't mind. At least I got to see what I want to see! And having this LCD Monitor installed is really satisfying. Not just because I got to see better images, even my speakers seems louder now?! Any idea why?! Hmm... I wonder...

Do I look better somehow?!

Oh, and isn't it great to have such gorgeous thing... to watch pornography?! Oops, did I just say that!? I think I just did!