I have forgotten the purpose of all the things I do.
Like for this blog, I initially plan to put up a lot of beautiful male pictures. To appreciate the beauty of male body. But then I realize some of the pictures cannot be simply published here (seriously, do I have to?!). Else my blog will be deleted and all my efforts will be a waste.
And then I thought of writing something here instead. Like writing articles and stuff. I also thought of writing some random thought of being a gay man in Malaysia. Bla bla bla... as if I am gonna do it. I can have lots of plans. But I doubt I could achieve half of them. I hate to admit it, but I am. I am a good improviser. I always tell myself that (just to console my guilty soul).
So what is it gonna be? male pictures? articles with interesting topic? random thoughts?
I still don't know.
I find myself hard to concentrate, since few years back. And I also find it very difficult to get back my concentration or focus. Is it because of my work?! Aging?! I don't know.
Today, I don't know what is the purpose of living the day. I have done nothing productive. And I kind of hate tomorrow because I know I am gonna be very busy and tired, and tomorrow is Sunday. Somehow I know that I will be very productive because I am doing something more meaningful rather than sitting in the house all days watching tv only.
I don't know. I am kinda don't know what I really want. And I do not have the passion to live my current life. Lost my enthusiasm to do something I want to do. Or is it because I do not know what I really want? Damn, I think I do not know what I really want.
Don't mind me! It's late and I'm gonna sleep. Hopefully tomorrow I will have something better to write about.