Sunday, April 26, 2009

Enjoying The Now

It has been 4 days I am away from home to the far away land named Karachi. Unexpectedly, I am feeling ok. In fact, it is better than okay. I can say, most of the time, I am enjoying. Enjoying the luxuries in a 5-star hotel. And as for work, I guess it'll be alright. Well, the real thing will start next week, which is tomorrow. So I can only prepare for the worst, and hope for the best. After all, I had given my best to finish off whatever I need to do when I was in Malaysia.

Surprisingly, even my supervisor was a bit enjoying his moment and not as tensed as he used to be. Or maybe we started to get along well after working together for a few months. At least I understand him more and know how to communicate with him. And guess what, he even asked me to go swimming after work yesterday. After that, we went to enjoy the jacuzzi, steam bath and also relaxing in the special room equipped with comfortable seats and a large wide screen LCD TV. We lied ourselves in the seats and enjoy reading newspaper and watching National Geography or Discovery channels. Late at night, we went out for dinner and talked a bit. Most of the things we talked about were work-unrelated. Great!

And last night, before I went to bed and sleep, I watched the "Sunday Night Project" (it used to be Friday Night Project) featuring Lily Allen as the guest host and really enjoyed every single bit of it. For a long long time, I really laughed out loud while watching that comedy show.

And this morning, I woke up pretty early and start surfing. Mostly browsing through facebook to see if I could find any eye-candies. Unfortunately, it was a waste of time. No hunk or hot guys to be found. Disappointed, I went to take shower and took my free breakfast in the restaurant located at the ground floor in the hotel. I ate a lot, certainly. When I am in a good mood, I tend to eat a lot more than usual. And chatted a bit with my colleagues who were there on the same project. And yes, my supervisor was there too.

After the breakfast, my supervisor asked me to join him play snooker! I was like OMG~! I really have no idea how to play snooker!!! And I have never, I mean NEVER, played snooker before. However, I still responded him non-chalantly with :"Sure! Let's go!". I regretted immediately and thought how stupid I was.

Having no choice, I tried to play. But the good thing is, the supervisor was very patient in teaching me how to play. Your hand should put like this, and that hand must be firm, your hand should build a bridge for the stick... bla bla bla. Frankly, I did not want to play snooker. And I didn't like to play snooker. I mean, come on, do I ever look like a sport man?! That is so NO. You ask me to sing, to read, to play piano, I am fine with all of that. But don't ask me about sports. Ping pong, badminton, basketball, football... whatever. NO NO NO!

However, I still did my best and learn to play. And guess what, I only managed to score two balls into the hole (whatever you call it) on the snooker table. And I was sweating. Yet, the supervisor played like a pro. I guess he got bored of playing with me since I am so totally not his competitor. No challenge, no fun! So after two round of games, he called it off and we went back to our room. I was so glad. Hopefully this is the first time, and also the last time he asked me to play snooker with him. :P

And guess what, I have the whole Sunday afternoon for myself. To be a bit productive, I spent an hour and a half to read up some documents. After that, I enjoyed reading the newspaper and watch an episode of "Brothers & Sisters". Gosh, I like this. In a luxury hotel room with a laptop and internet connection, I guess that's all I need to enjoy myself.

And then around 5pm, we went to visit our colleagues who are staying in a guest house. And we were served with chapati for dinner. And tell you what, in the guest house, there are two cooks! And the cooks are young and HOT! One of them is even hunky! Gosh, I couldn't stop ogling at him. His huge arms, tight shirt showing his huge pecs! Irresistible! Yummy yummy! And they are a good cook! The chapati they prepared were delicious! I even took a photo with both of them. How can I not, right?! Hopefully next time I got to stay in the guest house and be served by the hot hunk every day. Bwahahahaha...

Hmm... tomorrow will be Monday. I guess it will be the beginning of a very busy and hectic week. Anyway, I'll worry about that tomorrow. For now, I am going to enjoy every single moment of the present. Enjoy it to the fullest! For now is the best moment I have in a long long time.

*Note : No hunky photos for this post as I am in Karachi and I did not have those hunky photos with me. :-(

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

The Confession of a Workaholic

I’m gradually turning, transforming, evolving… to become a workaholic. =_=


I know I know. I used to be a procrastinator. But lately I realize I can’t stop working. Once I finished one task, I’ll definitely anticipate for the next assignment to be given to me.

There was one day when I really finished all my works and I thought that I could finally relax in the office and do what I do best in the office – procrastinating. Mana tau (Who knows) I actually felt so guilty and unproductive that I find something to do myself. I ended up doing research on those work-related topics.

Yes, I was shocked myself. But I can’t help it. I will feel useless and guilty if I have nothing to do or simply surf net or chatting all day long. That used to be my favourite job-of-the-day things, but now I cannot stand procrastinating and do something non-work-related in the office.


Don’t get me wrong, though! I am not saying that I am enjoying the whole process of working like a cheap slave. I get myself to work so that the end of the day I won’t feel regret and guilty. And that I have done my best and really worked my ass off. Not looking for rewards or compliment from the boss(es) since they hardly gave us any. It’s merely for the peace of mind for myself so that at the end of the day, I can convincingly assure myself that I had given my best and that’s all I can give.

I guess working on this new project really had me changing. For the better I hope. Despite the stresses and tension, I am learning to enjoy the present, do my best and stop worrying about what will happen in the future. So I will focus on the ‘now’. Work and work and work. Then play and play and play. Work hard, play hard.

I can take a step back and take a deep breath. Then keep on moving forward again. I guess that’s what I am gonna do from now on. Not sure if I will ever feel better this way, but I need to give it a try. If being a workaholic will give me the satisfaction and happiness I need, then I’ll be one.


Monday, April 20, 2009

Climb Every Mountain

I had a great weekend. It has been quite a long time since I had such a satisfying weekend. Despite the fact that on and off I would worry about working life, but I manage to cast away those thoughts and reminded myself to enjoy the present moment and stop worrying about the future.


So last Saturday morning I went to FRIM Park with two colleagues who is living somewhere near my house. We planned to go for a morning jog followed by a dim sum breakfast to release our stresses and tension. So we went to the park as agreed. Instead of jogging, we ended up climbing the hill. It was like jungle trekking. I did not prepare for that. So it was truly challenging for me to climb that not-so-high hill. However, amazingly, I kind of enjoyed it. We talked and climbed. Stepping on those muddy stones and climbing our way up to don’t-know-where, while griping and cursing about life and people we don’t like. Sweat dripping out of our bodies. It was as if the negative energy was flowing out of our body as well.

After we reached a certain height, surely not the peak, we walked back down. Oh, it was so easy to walk back down. But I could feel my legs were shaking! Damn, it proved that I have not been exercising for quite some time. No stamina at all! However, we were so glad when we reached back down the hill. Tired and hungry we were. We straight-away went for our dim sum breakfast!


It was the best breakfast ever! We were so hungry that we kept on ordering the dim sum and ate like there’d be no tomorrow. And the dim sum were very delicious. Not sure if it was because we were too hungry that all food taste extraordinary delicious. We have fun eating and chatting.

Perhaps life is like that. Many mountains need to be climbed. It is never easy to climb a mountain. There will definitely be a lot of obstacles along the way. It may be a small or a big stone, or a slippery slope that will always cause you to fall down if you’re not being careful; Maybe the coldness or the darkness of the jungle would bring you fear and insecurities, which will try to stop you from moving upward or forward. But if we are strong and wise enough, we’ll not be defeated or give up. We’ll keep walking on. Through the wind or rain, we’ll reach the peak of the mountain and gain the victory.


And I am glad I went to FRIM park to climb the hill.  I felt good. Really good, indeed. At least during the whole process I really felt myself being happy and care-free. I should definitely do this again!

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Bad Days

It must be a very very saddening and depressing season lately. Wherever I go, I see sad faces, I hear gripes and complaints. It seems like everyone is not capable of being happy these days. Was it because of the economic crisis? Or was it a coincidence that everyone is just having bad days at the same time?


I don’t know about others. But I am definitely having hard times to figure out why am I not happy these days.

I think I have got used to not being happy.

Last few weeks, or almost a month, I have  been working my ass off doing user-requirement documentation. Those days of long working hours and tension and stresses… are just terrible. So last Friday I finally finished off everything. Not sure if whatever I wrote is right or wrong. But I submitted those documents (with total of more than 600 pages) to the project manager anyway.

I couldn’t care anymore. Deep down inside, I know there will be some mistakes or incorrectness in those documents. But I did my best. And I am not given enough time to re-check my works.

maxwell zagorski 3

I mean, you want me to re-check and re-read those 600++ pages of document within a few days? That’s just RIDICULOUS! Even if those are man2man sex erotic novel, I won’t be able to finish them in few days.

Guess what, even my supervisor did not bother to check my works. I submitted my updated documents EVERY SINGLE DAY to him. He is supposed go through and let me know if there is any mistake, which I should correct or do any necessary amendment. Well, when there is no comment from him, I have to assume whatever I wrote is correct.

Oh hell, he never read! I did ask him if there’s anything wrong with my documents… he admitted he didn’t have time to read. Fucked! I am not very happy with this!

Can I blame him?


And after submitting on last Friday, I thought I could have a relaxing weekend with no more worry or anxiety, and I can sit back and relax. Guess what, I did not have my ideal weekend. Especially today (Sunday). I keep worry about what come next. What will I need to face on Monday when we meet up with the project manager?

“Craps! These documents are just pieces of shit! Re-do again!”

Oh, my pessimism and negative thoughts always know when and how to attack me!

Lately I have been thinking, is it worth it to go through all these? I am not happy. Is it because of my supervisor, who doesn’t really check my works, or trust me too much? Or is it because of the long working hours? Or is it because I don’t like to write documentation? Or is it because I don’t know what I am doing?


I am lost. Definitely lost. Lost and unmotivated. I do not know what I really want. I do not know how and what to do to gain the satisfaction, which will keep me moving forward.

What am I to do? I have no mood to do anything. No mood to work, no mood to watch movie, no mood to play piano, no mood to read, no mood to eat…

And knowing tomorrow is Monday does not help at all…


The only thing I know, is that I can’t go on like this…