Thursday, February 28, 2008

Monday, February 25, 2008

Been Touched By An Angel

It was the mixture feelings of shock, touched, warm and sweet. I was overwhelmed by his kindness. Almost grabbed him back and kissed him on the lips, and gently said:"Honey, that's really sweet! Thank you!"

That's sweet, honey! What can I do to repay your kindness?

I have been haunted by the busy-devil these days that suddenly, I am a workaholic. Working night and day, week-days and weekend too. Guess my wish of get back to work really do come true. How can I complain? I guess I am picking up the pace and work my way up to the restless working world. Gosh, I even found myself walk a little faster, eat a little quicker, talk a little louder and also got tired easier. Yes, I think it's due to lack of sleep. Anyway, I don't have to describe how works can keep us all busy. After all, I have had enough complaints and gripes over working life in this blog.

Somehow when you're busy, you tend to be unconscious about certain things. When there are too many things to be done, I will automatically set the priorities. Focus most on the most important thing, and basically neglect those small little stuff which can be nothing. It's funny sometimes I forget everything when there's too many things which are equally important. Come on, I am human made with flesh and blood. I am no robot.

I'm no robot!

So my boss assigned me a very tedious job recently which kept me really busy. Even during the weekend I have to bring back my work back home (because I hate to go out or get back to office during weekend), and trying to enjoy the weekend while working. Oh and I have to say, I regretted bringing back my works back home. Not only I can't enjoy the weekend at home, I couldn't finish my work too because I was too busy choosing whether to work or sleeping in my warm bed. And many more distraction with my computer around which is full of hunk photos and porn (oops, I just said that?!), or giga-bytes of drama series and movies to be enjoyed.

In the end, I could hardly complete my work. Realizing the next day is the due date, I then forcefully put myself into working mode shutting away my computer and other possible distraction and work until late at night, or should I say early next morning. With just a few hours sleeping time, I then have to wake up and go to work. And trust me, today is really a "MONDAY BLUE" for me!

Forget about work. Come play with me!

Thought I had finished my work and could enjoy the day in the office? Unfortunately, my boss wanted me to do some final checking right before the lunch time and he wanted it done right after lunch time because the customer needed it then. Oh great! Telling all my colleagues that I have to skip lunch, I having-no-choicely got myself back to work. One of my colleague offered to help buy me lunch and bring it back to office which I thankfully accepted his kind offer.

Staring at the monitor trying to work while feeling extremely blue, I could hardly focus. Thanks to my late night sleep and also skipping the breakfast this morning which kept my stomach empty. I know, it's so unhealthy! I even started to feel unmotivated and discouraged. Why do I have to work this hard? While griping about how unfair life can be and trying to get back my attention to work, suddenly he brought food and placed on my table. And in that moment of time, I saw a lot of things. And I was touched.

Oh my, that's extraordinary.

I thought he would buy a box of chicken rice or maybe nasi lemak. You know, those easy to get and buy kinda food. But no, he bought "ju cheong fun". Ok, I have no idea what it's called in english. And of course, all the food was cut into slices when you bought it and packed in a plastic bag. And he didn't just give me the food in plastic bag. He actually went to the pantry, got a bowl, washed it and poured the food into the bowl. After that, he also cleaned up a fork and brought it over together with the bowl to me.

For a few minutes I stared at the bowl and also the food inside it. How sweet that is! I picked up the fork and tried the food. You know what, it taste fucking great! I felt warm, I felt pampered. Suddenly the world isn't seem so blue. I even smiled a bit while eating the food and trying to work. And surprisingly, I got myself back into the mood to work again. And I started to enjoy eating the food and working. And right after lunch time, I finished the food and also completed my work. I submitted the work to my boss, grabbed the empty bowl and used fork back into the pantry and washed it.

Should I send him a flower to show my appreciation and gratitude?

You bet whenever I think about it, there's only warm and sweetness. I could never thank him enough. He's such a good and kind soul. Oh, about him? Just a colleague. :p

Monday, February 18, 2008

Get Real

I've got to write this down. I've just finished watching another episode of "Ugly Betty", and right at the end of the episode I was so happy for Betty that her article is gonna be published in a magazine (even though it is not MODE magazine).

However, in just a few second when the show ended and my video player stopped and shrank back into a smaller screen, suddenly all those excitement and happiness disappeared. It's like every emotion and feeling I have, ended with the show. And everything is back to normal. To be more serious, I feel empty. It's like everything gone. Hopes, laughters, sadness, disappointment all ended together with the show.

All gone.

And during that moment, I started to ponder. I love watching drama series. Letting the stories bring me up to the high and also down to the low. Sometime I cried, at time I laughed out so loud that I could already imagine my parents shook their heads outside thinking that I was crazy. And I am not sure if this is healthy? But I do love watching drama series.

No doubt they brought me some hopes and laughters which always makes me smile. The sad thing is I am just watching a drama series. All that had happened in the series might not be happening in the real life. But I can't say it won't happen. But it hurts sometime to realize that what you really want in life can only be seen in drama series and not your real life.

Those are not real, honey!

Sigh. Life can be harsh at times. As if I just know. I should know hot to get real after watching drama series.

Sunday, February 17, 2008

Get Back To Work

I'm not sure if this happens to everyone, but I think I have reached, or perhaps I have had this period of time where life is boring and stagnant. Working life, I mean. Suddenly, it really has become a routine. Wake up, go to work, hardly work, come back from work, sleep and the whole thing repeat again. And again. Everyday.

That's boring!

Well, works are always there to be done and finished. But I think I am not enjoying what I am doing now. Or should I say, I don't have the motivation to start working. I always have excuses to not do what I need to do. Craps, I hate myself!

Whatever it is, I have to do something. Change. A revolution! Holiday season is finally, really, OVER! Now I need to warm myself up and work my ass off! Yeah, I need to work like there's no tomorrow! It's funny really that I kinda miss those days where I have a lot of works to do. Even though they kept me extremely busy, I remembered I enjoyed working and it was really satisfying when you got all your jobs done. You know, that kind of exhale, relieved with satisfactory. I miss that, seriously!

Where's the report we want?

Chinese New Year is coming to an end. So no more holiday mood for me. I don't know if this happens to me only or everyone else. Normally at this time, I would sense that there's no holiday anymore in the near future and we will be working like hell day and night, night and day, until we forgot what's the date or day today. We would be so busy that in a blink of an eye, suddenly it is Labour Day (1st May). It's funny for people like us (I mean those who are working. :p) always looking forward to the next holiday. After each holiday, we will look forward for the next one. Maybe comes up with plans or organize a trip or something for the next coming holiday. Well, for some people like me, I would rather stay home and sleep. :p

Anyway, I know I gotta start my engine now. Ain't gonna procrastinate again in the office. Not only it would do me no good, it will affect my increment in the coming future. I should find myself a lot more motivation to work. Push myself a lot more. I should think more about increment, about promotion, about bonuses. Damn, I am such a money-lover! No, to be more accurate, I am a slave to money! Well, who doesn't love money? Don't tell me money is not everything. I know that long time ago. But I am still crazy about having extra money! Shopping. Spa. KTV. Movies. Oooh... that's how I pamper myself. And I need money for that!

Busy earning money!

Now, take a deep breath... stand straight, chest up, butt up... and get back to work!

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Searching For The Simplicity Of Life

Life has been getting more complicated when I grow and get older. Remembering how innocent and naive I was always makes me smile or even burst into laughter. And that's sweet. Always trying not to think back to the past is something really difficult for me. I have this habit of reflecting and judging my own life. Giving marks to myself every night before I sleep and, the funny thing is, I am always not enough. There's always something I should do, or something I could've done but I didn't and there comes the self-blame and self-punishment. And finally trying really hard to get over it.

I need to get over it!

Things were so different when we were young. From waking up every morning, eager to know how fun it will be to meet friends in schools and/or playing games with friends. Even watching the cartoon tv program every evening could bring utmost joy. Hardly remember any sadness except when we were caned by school teacher for not finishing our homeworks, or being ill because we eat too much snacks. "Worry" was so not in my dictionary. It's something I didn't do. What's there to worry when you have your parents to do it for you? So I just be happy.

I love having breakfast. I remembered my grandpa would make me Milo and I took two slices of bread and apply the butter and kaya on my own. Birds chirping while we enjoyed our breakfast planning what we are going to do after school with my siblings. It could be watching tv, playing badminton in front of our house, catch dragonflies nearby our house, or even catch fishes or frogs in the padi fields. Chasing butterflies in the fields. Sometime I tripped and fell and have a few bruise at my legs. It hurt but I would forget it easily after that.

Eating ice-cream is just as fun.

Going to school is fun. Meeting friends. Learning something new every day. Even though some teachers were strict and notorious, we jokes about them and respect them as we should. Of course there were some popular teachers who we likes and always have fun in their classes. But being with friends were great. Playing and eating during the recess, fighting over something stupid, sharing our toys and new stationary... Gosh, even colourful stickers on our pencil box would made us so proud that we have to show to the entire classroom.

Oh I was a good boy in school. A good student as well. Always finish my homeworks and got good grade. Love to bring back home my exam paper with the 100 marks on it! Surely made my mum proud. Of course, I didn't get 100 marks for every paper. But sometimes, I just luckily got it! :P And then my parents would buy me something as a reward. My favourite would be the Lego. Yeah I love playing Lego. Building house, car, and then having the small little man sitting in his well-built house... so much fun!

So many sweet memories. Life was so simple and fun. And why is it so much different now?! Oh yeah, I got complicated myself. So is my life. Is there any way to live a life I used to have? Such as enjoying the soft breeze caressing me in the big wide fields while listening to the song of the wind? Or drinking Milo again in the morning while applying the butter and kaya on my bread without having to rush to work? Or maybe closing my eyes softly when I was about to sleep knowing that tomorrow is gonna be a better and fun day?

I missed those days.

Really, those were the days.

Monday, February 11, 2008

Big Shots

Big Shots

Nothing more pleasing than watching rich men in suit and tie looking gorgeous every moment. It is even better to see them struggling with their own scandals and daily affairs while I am licking my tea-spoon full with raspberry ice-cream. Yummy-licious!

Got bored with some drama series I have been watching lately. Human is greedy and demanding. Yes, being human myself certainly always wanting something more, something better. Something better than what I have seen or possessed. Not that "Gossip Girl" and "Will & Grace" have lost their charms on me, but I guess I need something more. Damn that "Brothers & Sisters" new episode, kept on delaying. I so need to watch a drama with gay characters.

We're all straight!

So, surfing on the net again, I found this new drama series which can temporarily get me through the boredom while I'm waiting for the new episode of the "Brothers and Sisters". This drama is about four rich men, almost successful businessmen, with their interesting life. Scandals, affairs, ex-wife, divorce, businesses, money, sex and all that jazz. Some said it is the male version of "Sex and the city", some other said it looks like the male version of "Desperate Housewives".

Whatever it is, you know I won't resist to enjoy some men-candies. Besides, I always have a soft spot (or fetish?) for men in suit and tie. Elegant, charming, intelligent... ooh so sexy! Where's my Men At Play?!

What now?!

How about a trailer to give you an idea what the drama is all about?

Now would you please, excuse me. I have to get another "Big Shot"! :p

Sunday, February 10, 2008

Unavoidable, Unwelcome Questions

It wasn't so bad last year or years before that. But this year, I can really feel the intensity and awkwardness of being asked the question :"When are you going to get a girlfriend?!"

I'm still a free man.

Not that I don't know this will be coming. Years ago I have already know that I will be asked with that questions and surely I have already prepared myself and figured out a lot of different answers to response to that predictably annoying and irritating question. And I hate the fact that it is unavoidable.

Auntie : I expect to see a girl beside you next year this time.
Uncle : You still receiving ang pow ar? When will be your turn to give away?
Married cousin : Still single? Your ambition is to become a monk?
Cousin brother : Yo dude! No girlfriend yet? Are you still a virgin?

Fuck off with all your stupid questions!

Damn those questions. As if I want to be single and unavailable? They have no idea what I have been, and still am going through. Despite those cruel and sarcastic questions being thrown at me like I deserve it, I still have to just politely give them a smile. Yeah, a fake one yet seemingly sincere and helpless one. Or perhaps I'll just say :"I will try to get one..." following the whisper in my heart "... in my next life, hopefully!".

It makes me feel sad really. Growing up is already something really challenging. No matter how hard I try to live a life I want, there's this not-so-small part of me that have to live up to somebody's expectation. That at my age now, I should be having a girlfriend. Then after maybe next 5 years, I should get married and have baby to form a family. It's normal. It's what everyone does. Well, almost everyone. And not being among the majority is hard.

And this year, I can really feel the pressure. Not only from my own family, but also from my relatives and friends. I could simply cast away those irrelevant comments and some sarcastic jokes that were thrown at me from many different ways. But knowing the fact that from now onwards, every year this time, I will have to face them again, drives me crazy!

It will never be the same anymore.

And I can already foresee, CNY won't be as much fun as it should be. Even if I luckily found a boyfriend, will it make up for what I have to face every year during CNY? I wonder.

Thursday, February 07, 2008

Hunky Cousin

It's been a tradition since don't know when that we're supposed to visit our relatives during Chinese New Year. When I'm young, the only reason I did those 'kunjung-mengunjung' thing was solely because I got to get ang pau and met my cousin brothers and sisters. It seemed that when children were all got together, they surely have something to play about. And yes, we were all having fun together chasing around and played some games I hardly remember how to play.

Games? I want to play!

Getting older each and every year, the urge of doing the visiting is getting lesser and lesser. Even the idea of getting lotsa ang pau is no longer as tempting as it used to be. Besides, all cousins have their own friends and normally they're not around with the family anymore. They're either went out having fun with their friends, or just too old to play games with, or too strange to even talk to us. Well, we met once a year. We have our own separate and different way of life-style. There's nothing common to talk about. Or more accurately, we're just too lazy to even try to start any conversation.

However, tradition is still tradition. Visiting still has to be done. Somehow getting ang pau is still not a bad idea. So dragging myself out of the house following my parents with new clothes (even new underwear), I visited one of my auntie's house. Rich people who live in a mansion. Surely I will get a BIG ang pau, I told myself. It's funny even though we live in KL, we visited each other only once a year. How pathetic? Luckily Chinese New Year made us keep in touch, at least once a year.

You do remember me, don't you?

When we reached there, we made our way into the mansion greeting everyone "Gong Hey Fatt Choy!". Apparently, some other uncles and aunties were there as well. Of course, a few of my not-so-familiar cousins were there too. Greeted them as if I was meeting a stranger, asking each other's occupation and how old we are? Weird!

Everything seem so routine and dull until I meet this hunky cousin brother. Oh, I remember him. Well enough to scan through his whole body from top to the bottom. Tight white shirt with jeans?! Yeah, he's hot! What the fuck! He's my fucking cousin! Surely he go gym and worked really hard to have those well-shaped body that I would lick (IF AND ONLY IF HE'S NOT MY COUSIN!). My sister once caught him hitting the Fitness First centre. He must be a gym geek. Definitely straight because he's a girlfriend.

Despite hating the fact that he's my cousin and I can't 'do' him (please, I am not into incest!), part of me feel proud to have such a hunky good-looking cousin brother like him. Looking at his other brothers, well well well, they're not bad too. Yummy! Ehem, looking back at myself, hmmm.... I'm not so bad-looking myself. I guess it's in the blood. (Get a pail and vomit! I don't mind! LOL...).

It's getting Hotter and HOTTER!

Well, just like every time, I never really got the chance to talk to them. Throughout the whole visiting, they're hiding in their room don't know doing what? (Perhaps I am too hot that they thought they can't handle me?! So better hide in the room with blushing face?! Get a pail and vomit again, if needed!) Anyway, we just shook our hands saying goodbye when we were about to leave. Pathetic, I know! It's become the tradition. Anyway, at least I've found new motivation to keep on the tradition of CNY visiting.

Sunday, February 03, 2008


There's nothing makes me more happier (and guiltier) than spending money like nothing in a mall. The excitement and guilty pleasure of carrying those bags (big or small) visiting one shop followed by another searching for 'the one' that caught my eyes, and then 'own' it! And I felt fucking FABULOUS both hands carrying so many bags walking out of the mall big steps with my head high. Now, why am I suddenly think about "Devil who wears Prada?!"

Would you help me with the tie?

Yes, shopping shopping shopping! Not really a shop-a-holic myself really considering the fact that I normally do BIG shopping once a year before Chinese New Year. Well, I initially thought of saving money for my new car. But my so friendly and lovely sister actually talked me down from the tree and dragged me into the mall. There you go. Nothing more tempting than looking at those gorgeous models on the wall wearing great shirts or pants. And wandering in the gent's clothes department, I am so dead. Everything I touched must be conquered! I so wanna buy them all!

Angel : "Hold it, Ryan! You should save the money for your new car, remember?!"
Devil : "Oh come on! You've just got your bonus! No harm spending some!"
Angel :"No, Ryan! Keep it! Forget about new clothes. You have tonnes in your closet!"
Devil :"Those are old! Look, everyone's wearing new clothes for new year!"
Angel :"No no no! Old clothes is still good clothes!"
Devil :"Come on, buy one or two, no harm. One big car cost thousands, yet one nice shirt less than a hundred! It's CNY, go pamper yourself!"

Touch it, will ya?!

Fuck it! Forget about about everything. What matter most is NOW! Present is a gift! So I unleashed the evil in me. And I shop!

Searching through the gent's clothes department, I grabbed whatever I like and tried them all in the fitting room. Hardly glanced at the price tag, I just grabbed whatever that please my eyes or makes me feel good. Oh, man! The feeling was good! My parents who followed me were shocked! They must have thought I was crazy! Especially my mom. She certainly thought that I was out of my mind for not looking at the price tag and simply tried that expensive shirt.

And things got worse when my sister got in. We almost visited every single shop and tried a whole damn lot of clothes (except those shop where "No Trying!" sign was put up). And yes, we not-worrying-ly said "Yes!" to this jeans and that blouse to the sales girls and she smilingly wrapped them up and we paid. So fabulous!

Ahhh... shopping is fun! Now I know why those girls like shopping so much. Not that I don't know shopping is fun. But to really experience it myself, well, it just make me so much more certain that it is, indeed, FUN FUN FUN!!! No wonder all those rich aunties like shopping so much!

Are you rich?!

Guess what? I should get a rich boyfriend! Rich, hunky, caring, humourous, and RICH boyfriend! Damn, I am so shallow!

p/s: I do know how I will suffer later when the credit card statement arrive later. Don't be surprise when you see a post about the consequences I get for the over-spending I did in the coming future.

Friday, February 01, 2008

Met The Spartans

Yeah, I have met those muscular hunks in this surprisingly pleasing movie! A stupid movie? Yeah, maybe. But surely it is a very entertaining movie for me! Muscular hunks kissing? Oh, how can I miss it?

It was holiday eve (thank goodness. I am so glad we have Federal Day!), and colleagues and I plan to go for a movie to chill for awhile after working for a not-so-long week. I thought about watching Sweeney Todd, but I heard it is quite a violent movie (even though I love musical!). And then colleagues were all so into this movie which I hardly heard about - Meet The Spartans.

Not knowing what the movie was all about, I got online and checked it out. Hmm... the poster did portray it is a comedy. And with a few hunks wearing like spartans surely caught a little attention of mine. After all, I remember enjoying watching the '300' not so long ago and those muscular hunks surely made my eyes shine brightly. Well, since everyone was into it, I just followed the crowd.

And yes, the movie was stupid. BUT, it was hilarious!!!! Ouch, even though they don't have 300 spartans this time, the 13 muscular hunks was good enough to keep me busy checking every inches of their beautifully shaped body (except the fat one, of course!). And watching hunks kissing, and kissing, and kissing, and kissing... (those guys kissed each other when they meet as a greeting! How nice was that!?) Oh, I wasn't sure if I was drooling...

Oh oh oh, I've got to see them dancing and skipping too!! So gay! And I love it!

And guess what, some scenes were being censored. Well, expected. At least the "whatever board" was kind enough to not cut off the men-kissing scenes. I compromised. I can also download the uncut version from the internet. Hahahahaha... (Karen Walker's kind of laughter!)

Well well, I've met the spartans. They surely are fine. :P

p/s : Ooh! Isn't this post yummmy?!