Monday, March 30, 2009

John, O John!

Once again he impressed me with his live performance. I just can’t get enough of him. Oh yes, I am talking about John Barrowman!

Browsing through youtube, I unconsciously typed the ‘john barrowman’ in the search box to see if there is any new video clips of John Barrowman that I might have missed out. I love checking out live performance. MVs are nice, but I still prefer to watch live performance as it show an artist’s true talent and improvisation by the artist can be amazing!

So after clicking the Search button, a list of familiar video clips are listed. However, there is this one link caught my attention – John Barrowman – Before the Parade Passes By. I have never seen him singing that song. No doubt I like the song. One link lead to another, I finally got to see a clip, which really captured my heart. And the performance took my breath away.

It was a live performance during the Faenol Festival 2008 where John Barrowman sang a duet with another cute young man named Daniel Boys. This song was from the musical Chess - written by Bj√∂rn Ulvaeus, Benny Andersson and Tim Rice. I don’t know much abour the musical Chess. But I guess this song is meant to be sung by two females. And this song was sung by Elaine Paige & Barbara Dickson. And John would like to make a twist on the song by singing this song with another man, Daniel Boys.

Who is Daniel Boys? He’s one of the participants of the London BBC reality show Any Dream Will Do. He didn’t win the competition, but that doesn’t matter. He’s a good performer and singer. Oh, what makes the whole thing interesting is that he is gay. Yeah, out and proud!

So imagine two gay men singing this song, simply F.A.N.T.A.S.T.I.C.!

I Know Him So Well – John Barrowman & Daniel Boys

Although Daniel’s voice is not as powerful as John’s, but watching them singing together is truly touching and breath-taking! And having this song being sung by two (gay) men giving me a another indescribable feelings and impacts. I just don’t know how to put them into words. I can keep watching and repeating this clip whole night and never feel bored.

And the following is my all-time-favourite song. I think no one sing this song better than John Barrowman!

I Am What I Am – John Barrowman

John had released a new album – “Music Music Music”, and the above two songs are included in his latest album!

I heart John Barrowman! And Daniel Boys is cute! So cute! And hot! And talented! And has hairy chest! And he is a British! And I am a ‘potato queen’! Did I just hint something?! :P

Previous Post about John Barrowman:
John Barrowman

Saturday, March 28, 2009

Pakistani Hunk

Perhaps I should say something more delightful about my stay in Pakistan, despite all the bad experiences I have had. Sad, really. I guess it is all because I was on a business trip. Everything turns bad when it is related to work. Things would have been better if I were on a vacation trip to Pakistan, maybe.

Cast away all those negativities, let’s see what I have got.

Well, stealing some times out of my busy schedule, I followed my colleagues to the Sunday Market. Now, I am not a person who likes to go to the market. I hate the crowded place with people sweating. And we have to even squeeze with them to get from one place to another. Yucks! Even when I was in Malaysia, I always decline my mom’s ‘invitation’ to join her to ‘have a walk’ in the morning market.

Anyway, having the need to get away from work, I reluctantly joined my colleague to the Sunday market. As expected,the crowd, the sweat, the noise of bargains… just ‘great’!

However, something caught my attention there.

IMG_6879

Isn't the guy in black hot?

IMG_6874

How about this one?

IMG_6873

Now now now… aren’t they look like a … cute couple? No?!

Well, besides Sunday Market, I did went to some other place like a shopping mall. Well, they do not have a great mall like Pavilion or Mid-valley in Malaysia. They just have a very small one, like Jaya Jusco, in Karachi.

And I found this in a Mall named The Forum.

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Not clear enough?

IMG_6830Hot! Hot! Hot!  

Why suddenly I feel the urge to re-visit this mall again? Hmm… maybe not. I could find some hotter poster in Malaysia, can I?!

Saturday, March 14, 2009

Through The Rain

I realized I have not blog about my stay in Karachi. In fact, I didn't really wanna think about it as it reminded me of those difficult days when I was really stressed and depressed. Those days were memories I didn't want to remember. Even after I came back to Malaysia, I was still greatly affected by the 'trauma' I suffered in Karachi. It's like the tormenting aftermath of a tragedy. I basically struggled, and am still struggling, to get myself back up and cast away those unnecessary worries and stresses.


So what happened? Not that I was dragged into a dark alley and being raped repeatedly by crazy rapist. Crap! Why am I even thought of that? In fact, Karachi seemed to be a safer place if compared to what were reported by the media. Of course, again, Malaysia is still a better place to live in. The point is, working on this project in Karachi is killing me. Not about the workloads, not about the long working hours, not even about how far away from home I was or how reluctant I was to masturbate in the luxury hotel room fearing that there might be hidden camera somewhere in the room. Thanks to those news about Edison Chan, Dr Chua and ... whatever. OK, sound ridiculous, but I was that worried. Never mind! But the main problem I suffered was because the people I was, and still am, working with.

First, my superior, or supervisor, whatever you call it. Of course, this is the first time we work together. He's this business manager kind of person, not a technical person. And he is used to being working alone. So he normally think on his own. And working for him was a night-mare! I did not understand him. Come on, he work things out in his head and he never tell me anything. How was I supposed to know what was he thinking or trying to do? And we were like not so close, as I am still very new to him, I have problem understanding him. And his quietness and emotionless face was scary sometime. Oh no, should be most of the time. So I always had to guess what was he thinking, what was he trying to do, what would be his next move? And it was TIRING!

Sometime when I tried to ask him something, he would frown and give me that kind of face like "What? That shouldn't be the way? You shouldn't do that? How stupid that is!?". And I would be de-motivated. And he hasn't really made any comment yet. Just that frown or the questioning look on his face, was good enough to make me think I was a big dumb useless fool! Yea, he was THAT good in bringing me down.



And of course, when he did make a comment, especially those bad ones, I would be totally defeated. Worse than being slapped on the face or being poured with cold water. Really! Of course, I understand he's being stressed also with all the decisions he had to make and to report to the unpredictable project manager above him. But at least he should not pour all the stresses on me too. Wasn't it better if we could share our problems and sort things out together?! Oh, I forgot, who was I to share things with him? He has many years of working experiences, and I am like what? 3 years plus experience? Undoubtedly, what he was thinking is just 'advance level', I am still at the beginner or intermediate level and I will never be good enough.

What make things worse was that I don't really have a personal time on my own there. You see we have to write daily report everyday to submit to the project manager. And for my team, I was assigned to do the report. Every day I have to wait for him to finish writing his report so I can compiled it with mine before I can submit to the project manager. And normally I have to wait till 11pm or 12am. Well, I could not blame him entirely on this because after work he has so many other more important things to think over and work on that writing report was just not his priority. So I normally have to wait till he send his report to me and then I could compile it and finally submit to the project manager. Thus, I slept late at night and have to wake up 6:30am in the morning.

And that's not all. Another thing would be the over-all team members. There are many teams in one project. Yea, and we did not mix around. You mind your own business and I mind mine. Too bad my team just didn't mix along well to the project manager's team. Not that we were against each other. But we just we just did not mix around. Again, my superior being quiet and think on his own kind of attitude, certainly not being understood by many people. And me, I have no choice but to stick with my superior and just being quiet like him.

And so in that kind of situation, I was really stressed out. Until I felt depressed. Un-motivated. No mood to work. And being scared of not being able to deliver whatever I should deliver. Under such over-stressing situation for over three weeks, I was basically 'de-formed'. Ye, mentally deformed. I would wake up in the morning fearing to face the world. At night I would cry myself to sleep wondering how would I go through the next day. And during the day I would feel nauseas and feel like wanna vomit as I was too worried and too anxious what's gonna happen next. In fact, I was very very down. So down that I could basically feel that I had problem lifting up my head to face anyone and that my forehead was always with the frown. Everyone knew I was stressed out, obviously.

Three weeks finally over and I could flyback to Malaysia. Undoubtedly I was excited about being able to get back to Malaysia. But am I very happy? Nope. Because this is not the end. I'll still have to stick with the same people, same team members, working on this same project. So when I reached KL, I still have the same problems. Waking up wondering how to face the world, cry myself to sleep for having to lead such stressful life. And going to work seems so not interesting anymore. I hate that. And I even got tired of hating such life.

It was until after more than a week in Malaysia, that I started to really sit myself down and re-think of my whole life. Figureing out the causes of me being stress, being down, and being worry over something I was not even sure what they were all about. And it took times for me to really stand back up. To find back my confidence by doing something I love to do and good at. And to start sharing my problems with the family and close friends. And yeah, they're being supportive. I am just lucky to have such a nice family members. They are truly supportive.

And now, I still have that little pressure from works which I think I still can manage and cope. I know I am getting happier each day. I need to be strong and not be defeated by those challenges thrown at my way. Perhaps, life had been too easy for me before. That's why I was easily swayed by this so-called 'tsunami' of my working life. I was drown a bit into the deep blue sea. But I am glad I am floating back on to the surface now. Swimming my way back to the shore. At least that's how I feel now.

Life may be challenging from now onwards. But I do really hope that this will make me stronger and wiser. I have to admit after this so-called "tragedic event" in my life, I could see myself change, better. I am more disciplined now. Knowing how to make target and achieve something in a day. And even find myself to be able to speak more frequently with my superior, by ignoring his facial expression and believe in what I am doing is right and I really am trying VERY hard to work. And his comment, regardless good or bad, will not bring me down.

Even better, I start to know what I like and dislike about what I do. I know myself better. And this will certainly help me to find my way to lead a better life.

Sunday, March 08, 2009

Suffocated


I don't know what to do.

I am tired of worrying and being depressed. I am trying hard to get these unknown worries off my chest. What am I worrying? I can't even tell. It has somehow become a habit. A bad bad habit which is eating me up from inside. A bad bad habit which making me incapable of being happy.

Seriously, what am I worrying?

- I don't know how to do the work? No, I know how to do it. Just do not know where to start. So I just do whatever I can first.
- I don't have sufficient information to work on my documentation? Maybe, but I can request for those missing information through email.
- My superior will give me an unpleasant glare for not collecting important information? Well, I have tried my best and I can't collect the whole information within such a short period of time.
- You are not even sure about those information you have? Yes, but I can't be sure of everything since different people giving me different information and some of them are contradicting. I have limited experiences and knowledge to judge which is true and which is false.
- You may need to cover something out of your scope? Well, I can try my best to do it, but I can't guarantee it will be the best thing I can deliver as it is OUT of my scope!
- The superior is expecting something more than you can deliver? Yes. Apparently he has high expectation on me. Too high that it gives me pressure and tension.

So is that the root cause? That my boss has too high expectation on me? Hmm.. maybe it is. Any idea how should I go about this? Tell my boss I am not as capable as he thinks I am?

I wonder... how how how?!

Wednesday, March 04, 2009

Zemax SX - Shooting Power?

I have been feeling exhausted and restless. And being anxious and worrisome caused me having sleepless night. So I thought I should try taking the supplement I used to have back then, which promote good sleep and improve level of testosterone.


So I went to pharmacy and bought the supplement - Zemax. Trying to search for the familiar green box all over the shelf and I finally found it, which was located at the bottom of the shelf under the vitamin/supplement category. Last box! I quickly grab it and made the payment at the cashier counter.

When I got home, I took out the box again and realized that the box with somewhat different from the one I used to buy. And instead of just Zemax, I noticed the name is now Zemax SX. Worried, I immediately do some research online. Typing the words "Zemax SX" in the search box and press the google search button.

The listing appear and I randomly clicked a few links to read through. Here is one interesting from lelong.com and I quote :

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ZEMAX SX : Increase Your SPERM VOLUME and MOTILITY

Have you always craved explosive ejaculation, the kind that allows you to release an enormous amount of semen whenever you ejaculate for your lover?

Have you always wanted to experience orgasms that were so powerful and long that you only ever dreamed about them? Well, this is possible, even achievable with Zemax SX.

Zemax SX has a specifically designed formula of volume and potency enhancing ingredients to increase the amount of your ejaculations and give you the most powerful orgasm you have ever experienced in the quickest, the safest, and the most effective way possible. In fact, because Zemax SX are created with all natural herbs in a GMP facility, you can be assured that you will not have any adverse side effects.

Read more

*******************Unquote**********************

I was like "Whoa!"

I only need to have a good night sleep and maybe boost up my testosterone level. But "Shooting Power" and increase sperm volume? Just not what I thought of.

What the hell...you bet I took two capsules before I head to sleep. Who doesn't want to 'shoot' like there's no tomorrow? LOL... Let's see if it really improve my "shooting power".

Anyway, just in case you're interested, this link sound more similar to the description provided in the supplement box.