Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Old Man Getting Old

Dad hasn't been feeling well lately. I cannot recall how many times he paid visits to the clinic over the past few months. But it seems like a lot of times. Just over the past two days, he visited the clinic twice. I believe he is having digestion problem which causes him to have bloating stomach. His stomach contains so much gas that he could hardly fall asleep. And yesterday he felt nauseous and dizzy for the whole day. He has no appetite to eat anything. No quality sleep and now no appetite to eat? How could he possibly recover from anything?!

My father is old. I am reminded once again when the doctor asked me how old is my father. Sixty-one. Yes, not like ancient old but old enough to be a grandfather if he is ever that lucky. Apparently not. Like I said, watching him being sick is not good. I remember last time when he was sick, he would just take a day off and rest. The next day he will be back to his normal self. Nothing to worry about. But recently, I noticed he needs to take awhile to recover. An obvious sign that he is getting old.

And me being the son, I suddenly feel kinda lost. I have no idea how to take care of my dad. While he is being sick, I can just watch and bring him whatever he needs: water, food, medicines etc. Sometime I even feel kinda annoyed and irritated, which followed by guiltiness and shamefulness for being an unfilial son. Now I know how difficult it is to take care of a sick patient. The constant groaning of discomfort is good enough to have you frowned.

I guess I have got to learn to take care of my parents from now on. They are really getting old. They will definitely need more assistance than they used to. Meanwhile, I will also have to find more ways to keep them as healthy as possible. It's just tormenting to see them fall sick. Right now, I pray earnestly that my dad will recover soon.

Saturday, June 25, 2011

Un(Forgive & Forget)

"Not you again?!"

I am actually surprised I can hate someone so much that every time I see this person I could feel the hatred within me so strong that I just want to get this person out of my sight, out of my mind. And being the Facebook addict, I can't help but always (unintentionally) see his face popping up here and there whenever he post something. Of course, I don't simply hate a person. He did hurt me before. Therefore I hate him. Why and how he hurt me? Well, there'll be another story.

Anyway, lately I also realized that not only did I hate him, I also kinda detest those who related to him or befriended him. Yes, I know that's very unfair to those people. And I know I am not supposed to be like that and I hate myself for being like that. But that's just the things I noticed about myself lately. I mean, he is such a badass. Why would anyone befriended him?! So I assumed that those who befriended him are either badasses as well, or, they haven't known his true colour. Oh I am such a mean, evil person, I know!

Sometime I tell myself maybe I should forgive him and forget what he did to me. Hahaha… I am laughing at myself for writing this sentence. I reckon even if time heals the pain, but the scars will still remain. He will always remind me of the scar which has been imprinted permanently in my heart. I might not feel the pain, nor hate him as much as the time goes by, but time can never erase the memory I have about him. Unless of course, I lost my memory or something like that.

As long as I remember, I am sorry to say, I cannot forgive, nor forget. I won't revenge, nor treated him badly. But don't expect me to be nice and friendly to this person. Oh, suddenly I feel like I am the badass!