I’m gradually turning, transforming, evolving… to become a workaholic. =_=
I know I know. I used to be a procrastinator. But lately I realize I can’t stop working. Once I finished one task, I’ll definitely anticipate for the next assignment to be given to me.
There was one day when I really finished all my works and I thought that I could finally relax in the office and do what I do best in the office – procrastinating. Mana tau (Who knows) I actually felt so guilty and unproductive that I find something to do myself. I ended up doing research on those work-related topics.
Yes, I was shocked myself. But I can’t help it. I will feel useless and guilty if I have nothing to do or simply surf net or chatting all day long. That used to be my favourite job-of-the-day things, but now I cannot stand procrastinating and do something non-work-related in the office.
Don’t get me wrong, though! I am not saying that I am enjoying the whole process of working like a cheap slave. I get myself to work so that the end of the day I won’t feel regret and guilty. And that I have done my best and really worked my ass off. Not looking for rewards or compliment from the boss(es) since they hardly gave us any. It’s merely for the peace of mind for myself so that at the end of the day, I can convincingly assure myself that I had given my best and that’s all I can give.
I guess working on this new project really had me changing. For the better I hope. Despite the stresses and tension, I am learning to enjoy the present, do my best and stop worrying about what will happen in the future. So I will focus on the ‘now’. Work and work and work. Then play and play and play. Work hard, play hard.
I can take a step back and take a deep breath. Then keep on moving forward again. I guess that’s what I am gonna do from now on. Not sure if I will ever feel better this way, but I need to give it a try. If being a workaholic will give me the satisfaction and happiness I need, then I’ll be one.