Monday, January 26, 2009

Can't Help Being Stressed

I think I am over-stressed.

I keep worry about my works. My supervisor had assigned me some homework to do during the Chinese New Year. Sucks, I know! Oh well, I still have to do it anyway. It's about some documentation that I need to do. Putting down all those user-requirement into words and document them. Not an easy task, I would say. Especially when I did not really perform well during my stay in Karachi as I was not really prepared and I was sick like hell, due to food poisoning.

So since I could not collect sufficient information, how am I going to document them? And who can I to blame, but myself?!

So these days every day I wake up I scratch my head wondering how am I going to do this homework of mine. Undoubtedly, it had obviously spoil my Chinese New Year mood. And I hate it. I hate worry over my works during this festive season. And everybody is enjoying the holiday! And that make me feel even more worse!

So I had decided, I will try my best and document them down and submit to my supervisor before the first day of Chinese New Year. So I did, scratching my head, going through those few notes I jotted down during my discussion with the customers, and trying to remember what they said. I managed to come out with something. But not very impressive, I would say. Some of them I would say are pieces of shits. But that's all I could produce.

And suddenly I feel like I'm a piece of shit as well!

I closed my eyes, telling myself I had done my best. I put all those documents I produced in a folder and zip it up. Wrote an email and attached the zip file and sent it to my supervisor. Right before the first day of Chinese New Year.

Relieved? Not entirely. I still feel like I am doing a shoddy work. But I already did my best. What more I can do? I keep asking myself this questions. Part of me keep saying I did my best; Another part of me keep saying that there's more that I can do to make things better.

I am tired of this mental battle, or mental fight within myself. Maybe I should just forget all these troubles or problems for this holiday and start worry again when I get back to work.

But I can never stop worry! And that kills me! Fuck!


Sam said...

Try not to worry too much when you go on holiday - let yourself get some rest mentally at least, then start again when you get back to work. This way you won't tire yourself out.

But hey, hold on alright? Hope you'll feel better soon, and if you ever need to rant or anything - just beep me. :)

Allen said...

why do folks shower with their underwear on?