Monday, January 10, 2011

My Kind of Midlife Crisis

Still remember I posted a status message on Facebook that read something like this :"Mid-life crisis?!"

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Yes it was a question mark. Because I am not so sure. What is midlife crisis actually? Where you are getting old and have lotsa problems? Problems like struggling to take care of your parents whose health are obviously deteriorating and also the children who are growing faster than you thought and all the troubles they would bring. And yet, you find yourself pathetically struggling with your own life with your own problems without much achievement to prove yourself your are doing fine.

Oh well, if that is midlife crisis, then yes I would say I am almost there. Of course, being gay and still single, I don't have any children to worry over (which probably save me from most of the troubles already, as you would think). But unfortunately, not having children does give you some other troubles. The pressure from relatives and friends asking where is "the other half"? I could not always give the same answer like "still haven't found the right one", as they would enthusiastically introduce some fair maiden to match you up with. Luckily I have not come into those situation yet. But of course a lot of friends really offer me that kind of "match making service" which I kindly (some not very kindly) declined.

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Of course that's not all. Since I am not dating, oh hold on, there's nothing to do with me dating or not. Because if I were to date someone, I think I couldn't let my parents nor my family know (as long as I am still hiding in the closet). Anyway, since I am not dating, I somehow ended up being the guardian angel of the parents. The duty of taking care of my parents fall heavily on my shoulder. Not that my siblings don't take care of them, but they could easily get away with reasons like "I need to go accompany my girlfriend" or "I need to go shopping with the hubby" and off they go. Not that I can't do the same, but being with my parents most of the time, I saw the sadness in their eyes when they know that their children couldn't spend some times to be with them.

So, being the single one, I have got to accompany them and keep them happy. And with my parents getting old, I can only see things are gonna be more difficult. For example, recently my mom accidentally slipped and fell down on the floor and hurt her right arms. She couldn't do most of her daily house chores as she is right-handed person. Being the one who work from home, I have to witness daily how she struggled to use her left arm instead to do all the work. Sometime she forgot and she use her right arm which make her feel apain. Even though now her right arms is getting better now, she will still feel a little sore when she use her right arms to do heavy work or carry heavy thing. Then my father has got his own health problem also which I am way too lazy to type and explain it here. Anyway, the parents are getting old and they need more assistance in doing everything.

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Enough about parents. Look at myself, so what have I achieved so far? Thankfully I still got a job with steady income. Got a car which I still need to pay up the monthly installment for the next few years. Basically I still have the basic necessity. But having friends invite me over to their wedding dinner or house warming doesn't help seriously.

I can't recall exactly how many wedding dinner I have attended in year 2010. I am sure they are more than 6! Not that I hate people getting married or what, I am happy for those friends who finally found their true love and step into the next stage of their life. But it is taxing when a few wedding dinner happened in the same month. Just in December 2010, I have 4 wedding invitations! It doesn't help when you were seated on a table with all of them are couples. "Oh you come alone? Didn't bring your girlfriend or wife? Oh you're still single? How come?" I normally just smiled. Little did they know that those questions are like knives stabbing in my heart. As if being gay is easy. Oh please don't make me go touch that topic.

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And lately I was invited to attend some friend's house warming too. Oh the landed property, the designer-designed studio suite, good enough to question myself why am I still staying under the same roof with my parents! People works so many years and they finally get their own house. Me? Just a car. Perhaps I should not compare myself with others. But looking at the joy of them having their own sanctuary make me envy them a lot. Like A LOT!

Oh well, everyone has their own problems. Just need to be optimistic and get those problem resolved one by one. I don't know what lies ahead for me in year 2011. I hope it's a good year. At least I got myself a great gift for the new year - MacBook Pro! And this entry is written using my new toy. Expect more entries on my blog this year.

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Happy New Year 2011 everyone!

12 comments:

Calvin said...

I can totally understand your feelings right now as I'm already there taking care of my parents for so many years, providing and supporting them financially and after so many years, it has taken a toll on me which I was kind of depressed and you can read it here: http://strictlygay.blogspot.com/2011/01/calvin-lost-direction-in-life.html

thompsonboy said...

It takes a strong man to do and go after all the things that he wants but it takes a stronger man to resist doing and going after all the things he wants for the sake of others.

Caring for parents is the right thing to do. That doesn't mean you can't buy your own house now. You might now live in it now...but one day you will. Your parents will not be here forever...cherish them while they are around.

Phunk Factor said...

The grass always seem greener on the other side...or something like that!

Cheer up, Ryan!

Hopefully 2011 will brings much happiness into ur life!

Alex said...

You're doing good. You're taking care of your parents - contributing to their welfare. You have a decent, legal job - contributing to the economy. Many people in this world would like to trade their places with you... I've seen it in the slums of Manila, the villages of Siem Reap, the squatters of Saigon.
So no, you don't have a mid-life crisis.

savante said...

We always spend time questioning ourselves and our lives after the new year :) APpreciate what you have!

Chris said...

lONG Time didn't visit ur blog..

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