Like a bird failing to control its wing, I'm falling down and down and down... and I hope by now, I have reached the ground. And here I am, still standing, after going through depression, the numbness, the every morning vomit session, the hatred, the anxiety, the unsatisfactory, the anger and even the disappointment or despair...
And I remember someone said: After the storm, eventually, the rainbow will appear.
I still believe in that. But I am not experiencing it yet. Maybe the storm is not over yet? I don't know. One thing I do know is that I am tired of everything already. Even tired of trying to change. So I practiced the "Don't care about anything" attitude for quite awhile now, which made me hate myself even more, and yet I managed to convince myself that it is ok to act this way. I can be a bitch!
Last whole week I have no idea what I have been doing in the office. Hardly deliver anything. As if I care. I still did not see any sign of the supervisor reviewing my document. Never mind. If he didn't ask anything or comment anything, I'll assume everything is alright. Last minute want to change, then I'll take my own sweet time to change.
Hating about this current job, I actually went job hunting. So Saturday morning, I went for a second interview with a company in Subang. And guess what? I have been offered the job! But I am still considering whether to accept the job offer. And then that Saturday afternoon, I chatted with a colleague and we griped for hours together about how we hate about the current situation and all that jazz.
And I enjoyed my weekend never thinking about my job or whatever need to be done. I manage to browse the youtube and came across this following hot hot clips:
HOT ASS! HOT ASS! HOT ASS!
That is so fucking HOT! SEXY! And STIMULATING!
Today, I am on leave. Morning went for another job interview. Though the company is a US-based company, probably has better welfare, but after the interview, I don't find myself suitable to work there. Never mind. Not really into it though.
After attending four interviews with three companies, I actually know myself better. What I want, what I am good at, what I am looking for in a job and what I really good at and not good at... all become so obvious that I suddenly feel like I am re-learning my own-self.
And then I re-look into my current job situation. Yeah, it is still bad with the same problems and undone jobs. But I guess it would be the same to have to struggle in a new company and to stay in this company to learn new things. Perhaps staying in the current company has more advantages as I have colleagues who I know well to work with (even though the not-so-good supervisor will still be driving me crazy).
Tomorrow onwards, I'll be working in a new office in Cyberjaya. Bye Bye to KL the happening city. I am still working in the same company though. Just that will be working in the office in Cyberjaya. Perhaps it is a good thing. New office new environment. Maybe I should take this chance to start everything anew.
For all those bad experience and negativity, I'll have to just shake it off!