Working in the Faraway Land

It used to be a deserted place. So isolated and neglected. But I spent four years of tertiary education in this place called Cyberjaya. Little did I know then that, someday, I will be back here to work.

Yeah, in case you do not know, I have been working in Cyberjaya for 1 month now. The company has bought a new office in this place just because of the MSC status. Yeah, whatever! :P So How was it working there? Gosh you have no idea how many times I have been asked this question. Anyway, I will still give you this simple answer:

"It's ok. Nothing interesting!"

I mean, you still need to work. So working in KL or in Cyberjaya, it is almost the same to me. Cause eventually, I still get to come home and be with the family. Of course, if you really wants to know the pros and cons, well there are some advantages and disadvantages.

Let's talk about the advantages first:

Allowance
Yeah, traveling from my house to Cyberjaya is quite a distance. So the company does give us some extra allowance. Not much though. But good enough to cover the petrol and toll fees.

Shorter Working hour
I can come in office late. Yeah, when I was in KL, I need to start work at 9am. But in Cyberjaya, I can come in office at 10am. Well, the boss said we should avoid the traffic congestion. So he allows us to be in office before 10am. With that, we can only leave the office at 7pm. So our working hour has changed from 9am-6pm to 10am - 7pm. Why did I say shorter working hour? Because when I was working in KL, I normally worked till 9pm. But when I am working in Cyberjaya, I need to leave before 8:30pm. The office will close and the man with the key will chase you out. So normally I left office at 7:30pm. So it's actually shorter working hours.

Free lunch/ dinner
The company actually hired too aunties to prepare lunch for us. Yeah pretty good right? So we can save our money and enjoy home-cook meal. And guess what, the food they provide are great. At least I enjoy the food. They are tasty and delicious. And sometime, the aunties even provide dinner. In fact, most of the time, the aunties cook dinner for the staff. They thought they should cook for us knowing that we got to work late and by the time we reached home, it'll be very late and we might be too starved. How sweet?!

So what's the disadvantages?

Need to car pool
Yes, the company is not that stupid. The extra allowance will only give to the driver. So employees from one area will need to car pool to go to work. If every employee drive their own car, then the company will need to give everyone allowance. To cut down the cost, the company actually make us car pool to go to work in Cyberjaya. And when you need to car pool, then you'll need to compromise with everyone in the same car. If I finish early, I'll have to wait for everyone in the same car to finish their work, then only we can go home. If you have some extra activities after work, you'll need to be get home first before you can go out again. Worst case happen to me was I planned to have dinner with friends one day, but then one of the colleague hadn't finish his work. So we all need to wait for him and my dinner date got cancelled as it was getting a bit too late. >.< All day in the office.
Yes, we have free lunch and dinner. You think it's great right?! Come to think of it, that means you do not need to go out to eat. During lunch time we will all go to the pantry and eat. After that, we will get back to our seat and continue work. Yes, that boring! Oh yes, you can relax awhile, go and read newspaper or even do your own thing to relax. But looking or knowing that everyone get back to their seat and work, you'll feel uncomfortable to access to facebook or read news.

Still less personal time
You thought shorter working hours means more personal time? You are so wrong. Most of our time wasted on waiting each other and the journey to and from the office. During that 45 minutes journey, you'll still need to talk to your colleagues who are in the same car. Of course we no need to work. We can even gripe and complain to each other about how stressful and how busy we are... bla bla bla... by the time we reached home, it'll still be 9pm or something. And then by the time you take your shower and stuff, it'll be 10pm. Then facebook awhile, and you'll feel tired and sleepy. By 12am, I'll be sleeping. And tomorrow will repeat the same whole thing. So each day is work, work and work. No social life, no shopping, no movies night out.

"Wake up and get a life, dammit!"

I don't have a life. Yeah, my life basically is all about work, work and work. And my mind can only think about work, work and work. I get it now. I don't have a life. And when I am not enjoying my work, I don't enjoy my life. No wonder!!!

Hmm... no worries! This kind of life is gonna come to an end soon. Then I can start a new life and adopt a new lifestyle. I'll just need to endure for a few more weeks!

The Letter

It was not a normal Friday.

Early morning I went in to the office, telling myself:"This is it! I'm gonna do it today!" Then I was thinking about if I should do it early morning or later before I leave the office. I chose the latter. So since morning, I told myself to be calm and steady. I have made the decision and it should be the best decision for me for now.

Clock's ticking. While I was worrying what and how it would be, lunch time suddenly arrived and I went to have lunch with a few colleagues. Pretending it is a normal Friday afternoon, we chatted and talked about how crazy our works can be and how busy we will be in the coming months. It's as if we have nothing more to talk about. How shameful!

After lunch, we went back to the office. Once I sat down in my seat, I could not concentrate. My mind was thinking about the "how should I do it" and "what it will be". But I forced myself to do something. Even simple thing like drawing some diagrams and write some notes here and there.

The letter has been printed out earlier in the morning. It's hidden in the drawer under my table. Occasionally, I took it out and read again. Fearing I might have mis-spelled or written something stupid. But the letter is fine. It's written one month ago. But I updated the date. So it is fine. It should be fine.

I put it back into the drawer and waited again.

Trying to get my attention away from the how and what, I put on my headphone and listen to some music. It did help a bit. I continued working and chatting with colleagues and friends online.

And then the time has come. I took out the letter fold it, took a very deep breath, stood up and walked towards to my supervisor.

Me: Hi, can I have a minute with you!
Supervisor: Yeah sure. Hold on, let me finish reading this email.

I took a seat and waited for him. When he's done he looked at me.

Supervisor: Yeah, so what's it?
Me: I have really thought through it and I am going to resign.

I handed over the letter to him. I could see my hand trembling!

We had around 1 and a half hour conversation after that. But that didn't make me change my mind though. I am glad it turned out to be ok. No nasty fight or awkward situation arose. Though he did throw me with some challenging questions trying to make me feel that I need to re-consider my decision. But I guess I had already made the final decision for myself.

I actually felt relieved. It's like after a long time, I have finally done something which I feel is right. At least at that moment, I could feel that I have actually achieved something.

So I did it. What's done, is done. No time for regret now. Not sure how the future will be, but I can actually feel that I am walking out of the darkness and I am seeing the future with a heart full of hopes...

To Change Or Not To Change (Part 2)

After more than a half year, I actually ask myself this question again : To change or not to change? Last year end, I post an entry asking myself the same question. I was bored then with the job and have the sudden thought of getting away from the company and explore new opportunities. And now, I asked myself the same question again because I was so stressed for the past few weeks that it affects my health. As I mentioned in my previous post, wanting to make a change, I actually applied for a new job in a few companies and went for several interviews.
Been to three companies for technical test and interviews. As at now, two companies actually offered me a position in their company. One is in Subang and another one is in Tropicana. After much consideration, I kindly declined the offer from the company in Subang. Now I am still considering this company in Tropicana.

The package offered is fairly interesting. But I need to work shift every two weeks from 4pm to 1am to provide support to foreign countries. Though I got to work from home during that two weeks and there will be additional allowance for working shift, I am not sure if I will ever enjoy that kind of working lifestyle. Yes, I will get the flexibility of time where I can enjoy spending time with my parents during the day where I no need to work, but I'll have to be working from 4pm to 1am when all my friends will be resting and perhaps partying after their working hours.

My another concern would be working from home. I don't think I am that discipline. Working from home has never been a good idea for me. Too many distraction at home. Watching TV, the bed, the piano, the books, the porn, the whole lot of things can distract me from work! Unless I am a very discipline person where I can concentrate on working and not distracted by other thing. It'll be just IMPOSSIBLE!

OK, I don't know about that, but that's what I think. And it would be a risk to give up my current job and give this new one a try!

My other concern would be whether I am technically strong enough to work for this company. They are using this new java technology which I hardly has any experience of using it. And during the interview, there's a lot of questions asked by the interviewer that I could not answer. Surprisingly the next day, the HR staff of the company called me and say they are going to offer me the position applied. What the... She said I did not fail the technical test and also commented that I have no problem in communicating so I am a good candidate to provide support to customers in foreign countries.

Oh well, good in communicating does not mean that I am good in providing support technically! >.<
So if I were to join this company, I'll have to improve a hell lot technically. I was told that there will be a team lead to guide me. But I wonder how will the team lead guide me if I were to be working from home for the two weeks? Meaning to say, the team lead will also work from home and we will be communicating through internet?

And then what would be my future career? Working as a programmer and developer, will I ever got a chance to be in management? Where will I ever want to be? I still not sure!

Looking back at my current company, what I don't like is their management. And the supervisor, I just can't get enough of complaining about him. His management, his indecisiveness, his ever changing and unclear instructions... all that jazz are driving me crazy. But I now have two more members to work with me. Although they have not yet realize how frustrating to work on this project and to work under this supervisor, I guess sooner or later they will experience whatever I have experienced.

Another thing I don't like about my current company is that we are gonna use some old ancient programming language to develop a system, which is not good for me if I were to plan to excel in the programming world.

Reason for me to stay would be the colleagues, whom I started to enjoy working with though some of them also very frustrated with this project. Another reason would be the two new team members who are under my guidance and supervision. I pity them. Why? First, they are gonna do something they don't like to do. Second, a lot of things they don't know, and I cannot provide the answers. Because me myself also unsure. I am not ready to be the team lead yet. Not in such a big project. I am lack of business knowledge and technically I am not that strong. Me myself need a senior to guide me. And obviously, the current supervisor, is not a good senior.

What other good would it be to stay in this company? I am being trained to be a business analyst. Will I ever be a good business analyst? I doubt so. Why? Because I am not properly trained. I am just thrown with a piece of assignment and the what, where, when, how and which will have to figure out by myself. And the funny thing is, whatever I submitted are not reviewed by my supervisor. How will I ever know whether I am right or wrong? How can I ever improved?

Sigh.

But I have bee working in this company for almost four years. I have got used to a lot of things. Colleagues, the admin, the working style and all other small small matters... the thought of adapting into a new environment also can be scary. Not sure how the colleagues in the new company will be. Are they as friendly as the colleague I have now? How will the working environment be? Will the team lead as bad as my current supervisor? All these uncertainties are also driving me insane.

To change or not to change, I really need more time to consider.

Shake It Off

Like a bird failing to control its wing, I'm falling down and down and down... and I hope by now, I have reached the ground. And here I am, still standing, after going through depression, the numbness, the every morning vomit session, the hatred, the anxiety, the unsatisfactory, the anger and even the disappointment or despair...

And I remember someone said: After the storm, eventually, the rainbow will appear.

I still believe in that. But I am not experiencing it yet. Maybe the storm is not over yet? I don't know. One thing I do know is that I am tired of everything already. Even tired of trying to change. So I practiced the "Don't care about anything" attitude for quite awhile now, which made me hate myself even more, and yet I managed to convince myself that it is ok to act this way. I can be a bitch!

Last whole week I have no idea what I have been doing in the office. Hardly deliver anything. As if I care. I still did not see any sign of the supervisor reviewing my document. Never mind. If he didn't ask anything or comment anything, I'll assume everything is alright. Last minute want to change, then I'll take my own sweet time to change.

Hating about this current job, I actually went job hunting. So Saturday morning, I went for a second interview with a company in Subang. And guess what? I have been offered the job! But I am still considering whether to accept the job offer. And then that Saturday afternoon, I chatted with a colleague and we griped for hours together about how we hate about the current situation and all that jazz.

And I enjoyed my weekend never thinking about my job or whatever need to be done. I manage to browse the youtube and came across this following hot hot clips:



HOT ASS! HOT ASS! HOT ASS!



That is so fucking HOT! SEXY! And STIMULATING!

Today, I am on leave. Morning went for another job interview. Though the company is a US-based company, probably has better welfare, but after the interview, I don't find myself suitable to work there. Never mind. Not really into it though.

After attending four interviews with three companies, I actually know myself better. What I want, what I am good at, what I am looking for in a job and what I really good at and not good at... all become so obvious that I suddenly feel like I am re-learning my own-self.

And then I re-look into my current job situation. Yeah, it is still bad with the same problems and undone jobs. But I guess it would be the same to have to struggle in a new company and to stay in this company to learn new things. Perhaps staying in the current company has more advantages as I have colleagues who I know well to work with (even though the not-so-good supervisor will still be driving me crazy).

Tomorrow onwards, I'll be working in a new office in Cyberjaya. Bye Bye to KL the happening city. I am still working in the same company though. Just that will be working in the office in Cyberjaya. Perhaps it is a good thing. New office new environment. Maybe I should take this chance to start everything anew.

For all those bad experience and negativity, I'll have to just shake it off!

Ain't Misbehaving

One week spent in Karachi. Another week to go. Taking a deep breath, I should endure for another week. Hopefully the time will fly even faster for this coming days! You know, I felt like I am taking a long deep breath before I drown into the deep ocean to find something, before I can re-surface to catch another breath of fresh air. That will be when I am back in Malaysia.

In my previous post, I was happy. But as expected, situation get worse when the real work get started. However, I managed to cope. And as I have expected what is coming, I am more prepared. So I was not hurt that badly. Though yesterday I almost couldn't take it and would want to breakdown and just cry my heart out. Fortunately, I managed to chat with some of my friends over the internet and I found some comforts there. At least, I have someone to talk to and to pour out the negative feelings and energies out of me. And yes, I felt better after that. Friends are so important when we are in need.

And I felt blessed actually to be able to talk to them. Normally I won't have the opportunity to talk to them when I am in Pakistan. Why?

Well, yesterday is special. There was a riot in Karachi city yesterday and more than 30 people were killed and more people were seriously injured - Bad Time! Hence, we were asked to leave the office and go back to the hotel and stay there until further notice - Good Time! Well, we still need to work in the hotel (apparently there's a meeting room in the hotel which we can use to work), but I had the internet access to chat with my friends there. You probably might wonder why couldn't I chat over the internet in the office. Because the stupid office do not have internet access. Stupid! Even if they have, I won't have time to chat. I will be in the meeting listening and taking minutes. If not meeting, I will be busy writing documents. So yesterday was special.

And actually I felt really stressed up yesterday morning. Since early morning the supervisor was pouring me with tonnes of workloads that I should finish this up by this date and settle that one by that date. Great! And I was not feeling well, actually. The feelings of over-stressed hit me again, till I felt tensed and nausea. Then the news of riot arrived, and we were still in the meeting which was held for four fucking hours! After the meeting, we immediately head back to our hotel and settled there.

That's when I saw a few friends online and started to chat with them with my supervisor sitting in front of me. Ah, as if I care! So we were exchanging our traumatic experiences working overseas (I also have colleagues who are working in another country), and start cursing and griping and complaining! Hahaha... I started to realize I used a lot of bad words when talking to them. We were so stressed and felt that we are treated unfairly that we need to curse with those vulgar words. As if by saying those words, the negativity within us will be pulled out. And yes, we felt better indeed after that. We sounded crazy but we understood why we behave in a way that we should not behave. We were "unbalance"! Simple as that!

The fun part was I was cursing and cursing in front of the supervisor and he didn't know anything. Bwahahaha... I was basically "front-stabing"! Who said I am kind and innocent?

I know I know. Cursing and griping is fucking annoying! But if that's how I will feel better and at least feel less stress and less tensed, that's what I am gonna do. Until I find a better way to release my stresses and tensions.

For I am officially a fucked-up man, who you don't want to mess up with!

Enjoying The Now

It has been 4 days I am away from home to the far away land named Karachi. Unexpectedly, I am feeling ok. In fact, it is better than okay. I can say, most of the time, I am enjoying. Enjoying the luxuries in a 5-star hotel. And as for work, I guess it'll be alright. Well, the real thing will start next week, which is tomorrow. So I can only prepare for the worst, and hope for the best. After all, I had given my best to finish off whatever I need to do when I was in Malaysia.

Surprisingly, even my supervisor was a bit enjoying his moment and not as tensed as he used to be. Or maybe we started to get along well after working together for a few months. At least I understand him more and know how to communicate with him. And guess what, he even asked me to go swimming after work yesterday. After that, we went to enjoy the jacuzzi, steam bath and also relaxing in the special room equipped with comfortable seats and a large wide screen LCD TV. We lied ourselves in the seats and enjoy reading newspaper and watching National Geography or Discovery channels. Late at night, we went out for dinner and talked a bit. Most of the things we talked about were work-unrelated. Great!

And last night, before I went to bed and sleep, I watched the "Sunday Night Project" (it used to be Friday Night Project) featuring Lily Allen as the guest host and really enjoyed every single bit of it. For a long long time, I really laughed out loud while watching that comedy show.

And this morning, I woke up pretty early and start surfing. Mostly browsing through facebook to see if I could find any eye-candies. Unfortunately, it was a waste of time. No hunk or hot guys to be found. Disappointed, I went to take shower and took my free breakfast in the restaurant located at the ground floor in the hotel. I ate a lot, certainly. When I am in a good mood, I tend to eat a lot more than usual. And chatted a bit with my colleagues who were there on the same project. And yes, my supervisor was there too.

After the breakfast, my supervisor asked me to join him play snooker! I was like OMG~! I really have no idea how to play snooker!!! And I have never, I mean NEVER, played snooker before. However, I still responded him non-chalantly with :"Sure! Let's go!". I regretted immediately and thought how stupid I was.

Having no choice, I tried to play. But the good thing is, the supervisor was very patient in teaching me how to play. Your hand should put like this, and that hand must be firm, your hand should build a bridge for the stick... bla bla bla. Frankly, I did not want to play snooker. And I didn't like to play snooker. I mean, come on, do I ever look like a sport man?! That is so NO. You ask me to sing, to read, to play piano, I am fine with all of that. But don't ask me about sports. Ping pong, badminton, basketball, football... whatever. NO NO NO!

However, I still did my best and learn to play. And guess what, I only managed to score two balls into the hole (whatever you call it) on the snooker table. And I was sweating. Yet, the supervisor played like a pro. I guess he got bored of playing with me since I am so totally not his competitor. No challenge, no fun! So after two round of games, he called it off and we went back to our room. I was so glad. Hopefully this is the first time, and also the last time he asked me to play snooker with him. :P

And guess what, I have the whole Sunday afternoon for myself. To be a bit productive, I spent an hour and a half to read up some documents. After that, I enjoyed reading the newspaper and watch an episode of "Brothers & Sisters". Gosh, I like this. In a luxury hotel room with a laptop and internet connection, I guess that's all I need to enjoy myself.

And then around 5pm, we went to visit our colleagues who are staying in a guest house. And we were served with chapati for dinner. And tell you what, in the guest house, there are two cooks! And the cooks are young and HOT! One of them is even hunky! Gosh, I couldn't stop ogling at him. His huge arms, tight shirt showing his huge pecs! Irresistible! Yummy yummy! And they are a good cook! The chapati they prepared were delicious! I even took a photo with both of them. How can I not, right?! Hopefully next time I got to stay in the guest house and be served by the hot hunk every day. Bwahahahaha...

Hmm... tomorrow will be Monday. I guess it will be the beginning of a very busy and hectic week. Anyway, I'll worry about that tomorrow. For now, I am going to enjoy every single moment of the present. Enjoy it to the fullest! For now is the best moment I have in a long long time.

*Note : No hunky photos for this post as I am in Karachi and I did not have those hunky photos with me. :-(

They Don't Speak

They don't fucking say anything!

Should've said something!

Yes, that's basically what I want to say. Why? Here is the story.

The boss gathered everyone in the meeting room to kick off a new project. After "pouring out" all his requirement and expectation, he asked if anyone has any questions. No one spoke. He further explained what he wanted and then asked again for a deadline when we can deliver whatever he needs. Everyone kept quiet. Silence kicked in. Every seconds seems like forever when everyone's looking down as if they're observing and analyzing their own shoes. The boss then proposed a deadline and asked if we have any problem with that. Silence is the only response. So he assumed everyone is fine with the propose deadline. The gathering was then dismissed.

Fucked! How are we gonna do? What is the first thing that we need to do? In the end, we eat our own shit!

And that's not only the case. Today, again, while we were having our own discussion among ourselves, the boss came in and joined us. Suddenly everyone kept quiet. Some look at the white board. Some look at the own scratch book don't know drawing what shit. Some other just look at the others.

Say something! Say something!

The boss found a chair and sat. Looking at the whiteboard too and waiting for something. Then suddenly everyone look at me. I look back at them. Made a frown. Some ladies giggled a bit and the nearby colleague then whispered to me saying that I should start say something. I was like :"Excuse me! Why me?!" Then that usual silence surrounded us again like a cold wind making me shiver. I hate that awkward situation. The boss never said anything. He just sat there. And all of them were suddenly dumb.

Hating that kind of situation, I then courageously stood up and offered to explain whatever we've discussed so far to the boss. Situation got better after I broke the ice. At least there was interaction between the boss and us. Phew!

I don't understand. Why is it so difficult for them to speak in front of the boss?! Besides, those seniors should have known their boss better than me. Oh gosh, how am I suppose to work with this bunch of people who are scared to even speak to their boss? Or is it because they don't want to be accountable for whatever being discussed or proposed? So they better keep quiet and if anything happened, they will not be the one to be blamed. I don't know. And I don't want to know.

What more can I say!?

I should have known. Yes, moving from one team to another team means starting all over again. No, it's more than that. A lot more than that. Besides starting anew, I need to do a lot more to prove my sincerity to join the new team and to build trust between the new members and me. To make things more difficult and complicated, I have to prove to the new boss my capabilities and loyalty. After all, I am just a newbie...

Gripe

I gripe. Yeah, I do gripe a lot!

What do you need to complain about?

Lately I've been cursing a lot, inside my heart. I am not sure if the working environment has shaped me into this kind of person but I guess most probably yes. You see, providing service and supports aren't an easy job. Especially you need to deal with a lot of customers with different attitudes and behaviours.

One customer can be kind and understanding, but some other can be very demanding and rude. Of course the latter one always got me angry and furious inside, and yet I need to fake a smile and turn my head around calling him/her "Bitch!".

And sometime when customers request to do certain thing, we're not obliged to do it for them, but as a goodwill, we should do it. I really hate this part. Goodwill goodwill... then who is being kind with me?! I sacrificed a lot just because of goodwill. So today when this customer asked me to standby AFTER OFFICE HOUR (I have to capitalize it, just in case you don't see!), I basically screaming at the top of my voice :

"You fucking bitch! What the hell?! Ask me to stay after office hour?! I no need to go home just because you having problems with your works?! I no need to rest? Don't fucking tell me you're staying late as well because that's none of my business! To hell with your own problems and stop bugging me!"

Shut up and fuck off!

Of course, I was screaming inside my heart. Wouldn't want to cause a big scene in the office, would I?! I would definitely turn into counter-tenor or even soprano singing at the top of the pitch! Anyway, no matter how unwilling I am, I have to stay back and standby. Yes, after office hour. Mind you, I don't have to actually. I can just ignore the customer and fucking go home and rest. But to avoid any unwanted consequences, it's always better to stay back and satisfy their needs. "Fucking hell, who ever satisfy my needs?!"

So unfair! So ridiculous! So annoying!

So I standby and basically mumbling to myself complaining how shitty I am bla bla bla... The n the customers called and said I should be there to check out the system. Fine! I went. Along the way, I uncontrollably curse again within my heart :

"Fucking hell! He better treats me well! Always last minute tell me this should be done and that should be postponed! And don't ever let me hear about that stupid lady boss's complain! She basically only yell and scream at the people around her whole day and nothing else. People going home and I still work. So freaking unfair!"

And the great part is, I always get this particular customer calling my cellphone to urge me to solve the problem soon so they can proceed with their works. It's really annoying. While I was in the middle of re-solving the problems, he could call up more than three times just to check what's the status within 1 hour!!!! What the hell?! My cellphone almost run out of battery just because of his calls. I curse again within my heart :

"Ooi, abang! You know I should be staying home now watching my favourite drama and eating ice-cream. Instead I stay back just to solve your freaking problems so you can do your work! Don't ever tell me this is urgent. Everything is urgent, as always! What's not urgent, you tell me! Please show some appreciation la! Always urge me. Like I serve you only. I'm not your slave, ok! Now I feel so under-appreciated! So shut up la! I'll call you once done la!"

Well well well... In reality, I have to gently reply with a smile on my face :

"Yes, Sir. We're still in the midst of solving your problems. Please be patient. We'll immediately let you know once the problem is solved, ok?!"

Don't piss me off!

Freaking hell! You can image my fake smiling face immediately turned to irritated face right after the end of the phone conversation. Bloody annoying!

The Unexpected Offer

This morning, as usual, I was taking the lift up to my office and I stumbled upon 'The man'. I know him. But never worked closely with him. With a good smile, I greeted him in the crowded lift and we waited the lift to bring us up to our office. Upon getting out of the lift, he asked if I could meet him later in his room. Shocked, I acted calm and nonchalantly said OK.

"Please come and see me in my room later!"

A little curious and anxious about what was in his head, I have to calm myself and stay cool while guessing his intention. Was there something that I did that caught his attention? Or was I that 'attractive'? So when the time came, I took a deep breath and braved myself into his room.

And we have a good almost an hour conversation. 'The Man' is my big boss. Or should I say, my current boss's boss? The fact is, he's offering me a better opportunities. Ain't gonna go into detail about that. But I am kinda excited and a little worried at the same time. Excited because of the opportunities, worried because I am not sure if I could take up the challenge and also hand over my current projects in hand to my poor colleagues.

What kind of offer do you expect?

Hell knows how busy I am. It makes me realize that I have no life other than my busy working life. Pathetic as it may seem, I seriously, for one moment, thought about re-adjust my priorities in life. Again, pathetically, I always ended up being too busy to do any adjustment for my life. So little do I know that I am basically blinded by my overwhelming working life.

But things are different now. Apparently I have been spotted! My talent and strength have been noticed. And my efforts paid off. I've got a better offer. The only thing I have to do now is to make up my mind and come out with a final decision by the end of this week! Goodness, so little time to think over.

Should I take it or not?

It's a very difficult decision really. I like my current supervisor, and already familiar with all the projects in hands. If I took the offer, I'll have to start everything anew. New supervisor, new team mates, new projects, new environment, with better salary and welfare, of course.

Pros and cons... what-ifs and maybes... guess I'll have another few sleepless nights...

The Unkind Offer

Something really disturbed me these days. It's about this going for a trip issue that distractingly put a little pressure every now and then on me like a small little needle that prick you once in awhile here and there. And when it keeps on like that for a while, it actually putting up fire of anger in me!

Stop it, damn it!

It was these few colleagues who seems to be nothing to do lately came up with an idea of organizing a trip for our own department at the end of the month during weekend. In fact, when I was informed about the trip, I was quite excited and interested to join it. The idea of hanging out with some close friends and colleagues mates sounds fun. Later on, when I found out that it will involve more people (20++) including the bosses, I doubted.

There was an official email sent out stating the detail/proposal of the trip such as the objective of the trip which is of course to release stress, tie stronger bond between team leaders and between team members... bla bla bla. And where will the trip take us to? Of all the interesting places/attractions in Malaysia, they chose Ipoh.

Come on, it'll be fun!

OK, don't get me wrong. I am not saying that Ipoh is not a wonderful place, she surely has his beauties that attract some of our tourist, but I'm just not good in promote Malaysian attraction.
The point is, when they broadcast to news of the trip, not many people response to their kind invitation. Well, we all have our different reasons for not joining the trip. Some of them are from Ipoh, and they find it boring to go back to their own hometown; Some other thinks Ipoh has nothing to see and play about; Some people like me prefer to enjoy the weekend ourselves or with our family; Some other would rather save some money for other things (yes, the trip is on our own expenses, the bosses might subsidy some depends on their availability and mood, perhaps?!).

Being so stressed up and working my ass off lately make me want to have more of my own space and privacy. Going to office at 8am and coming back home around 10pm something doesn't really give me any privacy and own space for myself to at least breath, rejuvenate nor re-energize myself for the next challenging day!

And so I made my choice of not joining the trip and replied the email declining the offer/invitation. It was a hard decision, really. Because most of my close colleagues from other team are going and they actually persuaded me to go. But after much consideration, I just need to take a break for myself. I don't want to be there the whole weekend following the crowd go here and there and pleasing anyone when the only thing I wanna do is stay in bed, sleeping, watching my favourite dramas, eating ice-cream and some other stuff that I enjoy doing. So, despite the annoying persuasion from my best mates, I kindly decline and firmly say "No!" to them. I'm such a heart-breaker, I know!

Free to be alone!

So lately "the organizer" found out that none of the members from our team participated the trip, and they hinted (or should I say "indirectly made a complain to) our boss about us not being supportive and participative. Consequently, everyone from our team were called into the meeting room by our boss. And I was shocked, really! And pissed, too!

In the meeting, the boss kindly asked about why we don't want to join that trip. Initially he thought we were so busy that we could not spare a weekend out to join the trip. I think that was me who bragged about how busy we are recently (actually we are!) to other team members that we must stay in town to handle the over-whelming workloads. So we all bla bla bla about our reasons (and maybe excuses) to the boss in the overly spacious meeting room. Some even told the boss straight-away that the trip is plain boring and is a waste of time. In the end, I am relieved and very glad that the boss did not force or insist anyone of us to join the trip. Apparently, he just want to know why we don't want to join and maybe make a feedback to "the organizer".

To the boss?!

However, as I mentioned earlier, I am really shocked that the boss have to call for a meeting just to ask us why we did not join. I am sure someone must have said something to him about us not joining the trip. Not in a very friendly way, I would say. Trying to get the boss to make us join the trip?! Not a chance!

Firstly, that trip is not compulsory, I have a choice to choose not to go. And they should respect my choice.

Secondly, the date time is just not right. Weekend? When we're suppose to rest and have our own privacy? And it's not just one Saturday? It occupies our Friday night till Sunday morning!

Thirdly, the destination. Ipoh? What can we do there three days two nights? Eat and wandering around the street? Visiting the caves and swimming in the Taiping lake? The only reason I would wanna go is only to be with my best mates and have a good time. But three days two nights doing don't-know-what? I'd rather have a one day trip going KTV and have a good meal in KL city. That would be more fun!

Fourthly, how can they ask the boss to put pressure on us when there's no one wanna join? They should review and revise their trip proposal which pathetically UN-interesting to most of my colleagues!

Fifthly, even the company trip is not compulsory! I am pretty busy. Even if I am not busy working in the weekend, I have the right to choose to rest during the weekend so I can have better performance the following week. Besides, since when playing is more important than working? Don't fucking tell me work hard and play hard! Work hard is good enough to shorten my life! I prefer work hard and rest more! And about play hard, I play my own games with my own rules. And not following the crowd doing something I don't enjoy doing.

I'm shoscked to know that some colleagues from other team were actually pressured by their seniors to join the trip, and they finally succumb to the over-whelming pressure and signed themselves up for the trip. As for me, I have to stick to my own plan. No one knows better than me what I want with my life and how I want to live my life. Even my boss never insist us to go, so why should I be bothered?

As if I give a damn?!

It's funny really that initially I am all excited to join the trip because I thought it involves only a few close mates hanging out together and have a good time. Too bad, what I thought is not what they are planning to do. Since I am not agreeable to their proposal, I thought it's normal for me to not join. At least, I think I have the right to choose. And I am pretty disturbed, by the fact that they actually have our boss calling us for a meeting just because none of us wanna join the trip?! What is this all about?!

I Had A Bad Day

Sometime things just go against your will. No matter how nicely you plan your day, It just doesn't go where it supposed to be. And that's sickening! Frustrating! And it make me furious!

Never ever plan!

I woke up early trying to catch the early train so that I might be able to stumble upon someone in the commuter train. And yes I managed to be there at the station earlier. Unfortunately, when the train arrived, I was shocked to see the train was so crowded that all the people were sandwiched among themselves. One of the early scheduled train must had been canceled. Otherwise, this train wouldn't be that full.

Even when the train open its doors, I could see that those people were almost gonna burst out of the train, but a few desperate passengers managed to still squeezed inside to that already full train. And as for me, I could only standing there cursing deep inside my heart until the cow comes home. And looking at the train closed its doors and moving was disheartening. It means the chance to see him has gone. Fuck!

Never mind.

I didn't have to wait long for another train to arrive. And yes I reached my office a little bit late. Thanks to that stupid KTM commuter.

And I thought I could enjoy a little peaceful morning in the office settling some of my things before I face the challenging day. Unfortunately, customer called and I need to be there immediately. Fine, having not much choice, I put down all my stuff in hands and rushed out of the office to see that Queen-Elizabeth-like customer. Even though everything went well there, but I have more things to be done from there. And I was expect to finish it by the end of the day. I was so tensed and stressed up. I think I might be having high-blood pressure.

So, the whole afternoon I was busy coding and programming, adding new features and system customization. I must finish it by today. The UAT has been taking too much time. I must cut it short. Otherwise, customer from the other department will make noise. And when their boss heard complaints from their staff, my boss will be alerted, and I will be questioned. That political chain. Goodness! I hate it!

And that's not all. Being able to finish work by 7pm. I thought I could catch the monorail again to reach KL Sentral by 7:30pm so that I might have the chance to have a glance of him. And by the time I reached down at the lobby of my office building, I was pissed to see that it was raining! And I looked at my watch, it's already 7:25pm. By the time I reached KL Sentral, he must have gone. I turned around and headed back to my office to join my colleague for dinner.

That's life!

My bad hair day? Maybe. But I think I've got used to it. Working life like this sucks!