A Letter To My Love - Being Worry

Hey Love,

You have no idea how much I miss you so. But I guess you're there missing me too. 

So you missed me too?

You know lately I've been thinking. I have a lot of things. A lot, if I really count each and every single item I possessed. And I have most of the things I want. But, I can't seem to really enjoy them all. Why? I guess I tend to worry a little... ok, I worry too much. Am I? So much that I missed a lot of things I could have had. 

Just for today, I worried so much about driving over something or someone that I missed the pleasure of driving in my own car. Not only that, I also don't get to hang around with friends or just simply driving around the KL city enjoy the city's lights. I worried so much about the possibility that I might have knocked someone off on my way back home that I wasted a lot of time and efforts to convinced myself that I might have just driven over a rock/wood on the road; I worried so much about my hands being dirty that I missed the fun of eating foods with my bare hands. I worried so much about leaving things behind that I wasted a lot of time checking and checking before I leave from one spot to another. I worried so much that one day my house will be broken in by thieves that I locked my bedroom's door and window when I sleep eventhough it'll be stuffy and hot inside the room. And the list doesn't end here... 

Yes, worrying over things has become a habit to me. Stop worrying? Yes, I told myself that millions and millions of times. I'm afraid I have immuned to that. But then come to think again, if I have immuned to that, I would've stopped worrying now. Somehow I'm glad that at least I won't worry till my heart ache and cause me sleepless night like I used to be. I guess I have immuned to the side effects of being worry. Or to see it from other perspective, it is as if worrying, has become part of my life, part of me. It's like a disease which cannot be cured, but can be controlled. 

Only you can make me happy!

And suddenly whatever I have seems to be unnecessary anymore as I seem to be a person who is incapable of being happy. Yeah, waking up in the morning till the moment before I fall into sleep. There are thousands and millions of things that I can worry about and they basically took away all the reasons for me to be happy. So what that I possessed a car? So what that I have a degree? So what that I have nice shirts and CK underwears? Meaningless!

I hope this is just a process or period in life that I will need to go through. For as long as I need to worry, I really hope that one day it will stop, or fade away. It is exhausting, indeed! But if I were meant to worry that much in this life, then let me be strong enough to carry the 'weight'. Yes, if worry is something I should do, then let me do it happily and steadily. Whatever it is, just let me be strong and wise enough to know how to enjoy living my life to the fullest!

Anyway, I still strongly believe that this will somehow come to an end someday. I just need to hold on tighter to my faith and be strong. Yes, after so many turbulences and troubled times in life, this too shall pass. By then the sun will shines and rainbow of hopes will appear within my heart. So, don't you ever worry too much about me! 

By the way, I love this following clip very much and I wish someday I can come home and see my love, you, every single day. Will you help me change the light bulb and make me dinner? LOL... you know I love you! *kisses*

Alright, I shall stop here, love. I'll write again soon! Please take good care! 

Your love,

Ryan