Random thought of a Bachelor

I don't think I can be a good boyfriend. Yeah, I don't think I'll ever be one good partner. You see, I gripe too much. Complain too much! Especially these days when I have been stressed up with works and the only thing I could do is still working... and of course release my tension by griping.

Then at some point, I thought, if I were to have a boyfriend, he would have to listen to me griping all day long. And I tell you, it is not the end of stories. I can gripe all over again at the same topic, same problem, same issue and not get enough of it. I guess I am just being cynical. Luckily I have no boyfriend now (what kind of statement is this?), else he would have to find some ways to shut my big mouth up!

Anyway, back to being a good boyfriend or partner, I suddenly think I am not ready. Or maybe there's no such thing whether we are ready or not to get into a relationship. Some said when love comes, you can't run away. So just accept it and let love leads the way. Yet I'm afraid. Not sure of what. Looking at friends and colleagues around me, a lot of compromises and efforts need to be made to sustain a good relationship. There are good times and bad times. And the thought of later on having to form a family follow by more commitment and responsibilities scare me off.

You see, I have always been alone. Both my siblings have got their boyfriend/girlfriend. It's nice to see that they always have someone to look for when they're happy or sad. And there'll always be someone to talk to or hang around when they're free. But there's always some not-so-nice thing like taking care of the partner's feeling, making time for them, listen to their gripes when they have problems and so on. And me always find myself free from such trouble. Being a lone-ranger, I just do what I want when I want and how I want. No need to consider extra thing like whether this will make my boyfriend happy and should I bring him in too etc.

My sister lately told me she's impressed by me, on the fact that I can live life alone. Not that she could not, for she is quite an independent lady herself. Maybe she has got used to the fact that there'll always be someone there when she needs him. You see, I'm not so proud of being complimented about able to live a life, because I could not. No one is an island. But I must admit that being single has its certain advantages, like maybe some freedom.

But it is sad really when you need someone to just be beside you, and maybe talk to you a little... yet there's nobody there. Like last Friday, after a long stressing weeks of working, I thought I could find someone to just hang out and chill on a friday night. I didn't want to go home just yet to face that lifeless wall. Of course I can just give some friends a call and maybe they might or might not just be there for me. But then I thought maybe I shouldn't bother them as KL was having terrible traffic congestion and it was raining/drizzling.

So there I was standing in front of my office building, wondering if I should stay in KL go shopping, watching movie alone, or just go for dinner alone? I stood there for almost 20 minutes. Yes, 20 minutes! All the passer-by must have wondering what was that freak doing, standing there doing nothing. Finding myself pathetic, I finally dragged myself back into the parking lot and drove home.

Christmas songs were playing while I was driving. And I was feeling hungry and... lonely(I hate to say this but... well I said it). I then stopped at a nice cosy cafe near my house, ordered myself dinner. With my stomach-filled, the restlessness disappeared. With the light music playing at the background and the ever romantic yellowish lights, I just sat there and enjoyed the drizzling rain. Cool and cosy.

* I am inspired to write this post after watching the movies "Never Been Kissed" & "The Nanny Diaries" which were shown in Astro HBO Channel this afternoon. Chic-flicks always make me wanna have a boyfriend! Dammit!

Frustrated

Frustrated.

I was assigned the most difficult tasks because I am the senior.

I am using an ancient programming language which I am not familiar to perform some enhancement on the system. And the due date is just around the corner.

The fresh grad who sit beside me doesn't help at all. I already am short of time to finish my assignment, yet I am expected to guide him to finish his assignment. In the end, both of us couldn't deliver on the target date. And the next assignment coming in. Another dateline is given. So we have to complete the first assignment and also the next assignment. And I am trying to meet the target date this time. Yet again, the junior beside me doesn't help. He is still struggling with his first assignment and the second deadline is just around the corner. =_='''

I have another 3 assignments to be completed before mid December. And I must complete all assignment by then. Else, I'll not be able to join the next big project which will bring more opportunities to me. And looking at the tasks I have in hands... I am not sure if I could finish them all in time.

Frustrated.

Facial Treatment

It was just a stupid suggestion which I unintentionally blurted out during our morning breakfast conversation the other day with my mother and sister :

"Hmm... mommy! I think I should go do facial! Nowadays always find my face very oily and irritating."

To my surprise, she said yes I should go for a facial treatment and even suggested the treatment centre which she has always been. Of course, that suggestion follows by a strings of how we should take care our face and that we should take care since we're young and bla bla bla... What shocked me the most was after that breakfast, we actually went to that facial centre right away to try our luck. Too bad the schedule was full that day and we had to make an appointment. So we did. And yes, I went for my first facial treatment yesterday.

I ain't gonna describe the whole process. But there are two main things worth mentioning here. First, is the facial massage. Mmm... I like it! Very de-stressing! The therapist applied some don't-know-what lotion or cream on my face and massaged my face repeatedly. It was just fantastic. Although it may be tickly for some part of the face, overall it's very comforting. And the therapist does know where to press on our face and it felt amazingly great. Love this to the max. How I wish the whole process was just this?! But no! There's always the good and the bad!

The bad part was of course when the therapist try to 'treat' your face! Oh yes, get rid of your black heads, pimples and all that dirty things off your face. Oh how innocent I was when I thought using the facial scrubs or something to wash our face will get rid of those dirty things?! No way! Apparently they reside so deep under the skin of our face that the therapist need to actually 'dig' or 'pinch' them out! And it was fucking painful! They have this tool (I have no idea how it looks like as my eyes were covered through-out the process.) which they use to press to get rid of whatever unwanted on my face. Sometime if the black-heads or whatever-dirty-stuff is too big and couldn't be pinched out, they actually use a needle or something similar to poke a hole on the face so that they would come out of the face! (At least that was what I felt! They use needle to poke my face! :-| )

You have no idea how tensed I was when they pinched, and pressed, and poked, and pressed, and pinch, and... painful painful painful! It was like being sent to hell for a while! Of course, after that, back to more creamy lotion and facial massage which I immediately felt like being saved from hell and been sent to heaven again! :D

The whole process took 2 hours! Unbelievable! Right after the treatment, I look into the mirror and saw nothing different actually. Still that 'scarred' face with a few black dots here and there. For one moment I told myself :"Cheh! So what!? Still the same old face!" But that night before I went to sleep, I went to wash my face. And when I touched my face, oh gosh, it was as smooth as the silk! So strange! And I actually admired my face for awhile! Oops! Self-indulgence! :P


Ahh... now I need to take care of my facial skin. I normally just wash my face with facial foam. Guess what, I have my facial foam, toner and moisturizer prepared in the toilet for my daily use. And my mom and sister even suggested that we should go do facial treatment every month. =_='''

To Change Or Not To Change

It has been a few weeks, or months, that I basically procrastinating in the office. Not because I don't have works to do. Well I have, but I just don't feel like doing them as there's no due date. And yes, that's the bad habit of mine. Always do things last minute. See, I even typed out this post during office hour when I am supposed to finish my works first.

And then lately the thought of hunting for a new job actually came across my mind. Quite shocking to me actually, because I normally won't simply think about changing job. Especially when I have just recently been transferred to a new team working for a new project. Then tonnes of question came into my mind:

Am I bored of my current job? Am I just seeking an easy way out to avoid working so hard? Am I escaping from something? Am I just tired of programming? Or is it something else?

Coincidentally, my current company's Public Relation or Communication/Marketing Manager has resigned and I believe, there should be a vacancy, eventhough I see no sign of the company hiring new staff to fill in the vacancy. I have talked to the manager, and she actually told me that I could be a potential candidate for the replacement. But I'll just have to take the initiative and talk to the boss about my interest in that position.

At the very same time, the Hotel where I coordinated the wedding for my friend recently is hiring staff for hotel event management. Guess I've impressed my friend so much that she actually think I should work there and recommended me to the event management staff in the Hotel. So now I'll just have to wait for the email to reach my mailbox and I can pick it up from there.

Honestly, I am interested in both opportunities. I have always been interested in dealing with customers. More fun and interesting. And to help provide service and satisfy the customers' needs make me feel happy and satisfied as well. (OK, I know you're giggling about me satisfy someone's need?! No?!) I guess I am a customer-driven person. Love to see their happy face knowing that it is because I have helped make their days!

But then again, a person from IT background to PR/Event management, it is such a huge change! I am not sure if that's a mistake?! Deep down inside, I know that I am not a technical person. I don't see myself being in IT field for the rest of my life. And I don't have this great passion in programming as well. So I guess that is one of the good reasons I should consider the opportunities I have in hand now? And then knowing the current economy situation, I am not sure if I am making a mistake to change job. Is it a risk worth taking?

And that's not all. There are a lot more concerns which I am just lazy to describe here. Hmm... Now I know, changing job isn't that easy! Perhaps I should just forget about changing job and stick to my current job. But the thought of sitting in front of the computer doing programming for another few years kills me!

I don't know... :p