Saturday, March 01, 2008

Still Single

Been obsessed with Mariah's songs again since she released her latest single "Touch My Body" with that sexy and hilarious music video that I could watch it over and over again without feeling bored or sick of it. I can't even help but to sing along "Touch my body, put me on the floor, wrestle me around, play with me some more..."

Play with me some more.

Anyway, I was there in the new house of some relative. She was having house warming. Yes, not a very close relative. A relative who relate to my mother. I think is my mom's cousin. Well, not that I really care. I was just there to be there as a family.

Thank goodness some relatives I know were there. At least I could talk to someone familiar instead of being stared by the others as if I am an alien from Mars. However, the thing that annoyed me was someone pop that question again!

Cousin : So, you don't plan to have any girlfriend, do you?
Me : Yeah, guess I'll end up alone for the rest of my life.
Cousin : But you're good-looking. Shouldn't be any problem to have a girl-friend!
Me : Well, that's the problem! I have too many girl-friends. And I am being very choosy.
Cousin : Come on. Just pick one!
Me : I'll see if I can really do that! But I am thinking about picking up a guy. More challenging, I guess! LOL...
Cousin : ...

Be my boyfriend, will ya?!

Seriously, I thought I'd escaped from those question after Chinese New Year. But now it seem that even normal event, I will be thrown with that "Why are you still single?" question.

The funny thing is that, I also noticed that sometime when I see my old friends from school, I would ask them the same question too. Whether or not they have a partner. If not, why are they still single et cetera. Although some of the answers are expected, I just nonchalantly ask them as if it's a norm. Most of us certainly do think that when a human reached certain age, we should have a partner and ready to start a family.

But the sad thing is I guess I've reached that age and still remain single. Does that make me a loser? A failure? Or weird? I don't know. But that certainly makes people wonder.

So what I'm single?! Shut up and fuck off!

I have been thinking to really find a boyfriend. But that sound so pathetic. Or even worse, sound so desperate. I always think that love will come when it should come. But it seem that to be among the straight men (and women) won't get me anywhere to really find "The One".

Oh don't tell me to find friends online. I don't trust internet. Putting profile on the net is so NOT what I wanna do. Even though I know the chance of getting to know people like us is SO MUCH higher with sites like Fridae, Axcest... you name it. But I am just not the type of person who is OUT AND LOUD. Being known as a homosexual to the world is the last thing I wanna do, at least for now.

Besides, most of them online were just desperate to look for sex or one night stand. No offense! Maybe you're not that kind of person. But I have tried and I think at least 80% of them who chatted with me on the net actually requested to have a one night stand or being a fuck buddy.

Wanna fuck?!

Not only that, I am still waiting for a chance to really know my crush before I really leave him behind and get into a relationship.You know, he's still the Mr. Perfect for me and I'm dying to get to know more about him. Unfortunately, I hardly use KTM these days to go home and have no luck to stumble upon him in the train station.

I guess that's love at first sight. Sadly, it's just me secretly admiring him not knowing even if he's into guys like me. But I am still waiting. Not sure waiting for what. Or maybe waiting for someone better? Or maybe a chance to finally know him more. Like he's a friend of my friend? And we're introduced by our friend to each other? Or maybe he just started talking to me out of nowhere? Pathetic, huh?! I know but I just can't help it. Or perhaps it's just an excuse for me to not fall in love? Or I'm just not ready.

Are you the one?

"I finally found somebody who could be the one... but I've promised myself that I won't give in to love... And I'm scared, and I'm nervous... don't wanna be hurt anymore.... this is bad ... 'cause I know that you're the one!" ~ The One by Mariah Carey
And always in the end, I would tell myself that it is not so bad to be single. At least I don't have so much commitment and that I can love myself fully. In fact, I don't even really know how to love somebody, for I've never been in a relationship before.


Queer Ranter said...

There there. I guess I'm lucky that I'm not close to my relatives at all.

savante said...

Better get used to those questions, my friend. Gonna have lots more to come :)

Janvier said...

It doesn't stop once you're attached - it just gets more complicated explaining who your 'friend' is!

Jason said...

It's not called desperate, it's a normal human being's thought. Nobody likes to be alone.