Sometimes It Hurts Instead

They said in order to kill the pain, first you have to acknowledge the pain and make peace with it. So I am acknowledging it now by writing it down. Guess this is probably one of the most difficult entry I made for this blog. I could feel as if my heart is bleeding while I am typing this. Once in a while I'll put my hand on the chest, hoping the warmth of my hand would somehow provide the comfort I needed for myself. And I take a deep breath, trying to forget everything that was so sweet that it hurts even more now.

I wanted to forget the first day I met him.

I wanted to forget his shyness and sweet sweet smile.

I wanted to forget the warmth I felt when he was sitting next to me.

I wanted to forget the words that he had said to me.

I wanted to forget every other nights talking and laughing with him over the phone.

I wanted to forget the text messages and greetings he sent to me.

I wanted to forget every other things that he said and done...

But,

Only to find myself remembering them all over again.

No, we weren't lovers. We were two individuals searching for someone to love. And we thought there's a possibility between us. And so we tried. Somehow, things didn't work out. Love is gone, pain and sorrow seep in, at least that's what happened for me.

And so I started to hate.

I hate the fact that I didn't know how he really felt when we were trying to be together.

I hate the fact that I was given the cold shoulder instead of talking things out or be honest with me when he gave up on us.

I hate the fact that I was declined to meet face to face to have the one last talk.

I hate the fact that I was treated like a stranger every time we meet again though we said we will be friends.

I hate the fact that I have to see him again some time.

And so I hate...

Just when I barely recover from this heart-break, he has to bring another huge news: He found somebody new and everyone knows it!

No, I am not blaming him for finding someone new. He has every right to do so. But I hate the fact that he did not manage to keep it to himself (or themselves) but made such a big-entry and made everyone raises their eye-brows, which eventually put me into a very awkward situation. When everyone asking and teasing him about his new-found love, what am I suppose to do? How am I supposed to feel? How am I suppose to react?

Oh I smiled. Yes, I smiled. When everybody interrogating him about his new love, I smiled. And I turned to somewhere else trying to hide my pain. I could feel the heat all over my face and it was in red. I could also feel the barely-recovered-wound being cut open again. And It hurts every time my heart beats. Oh how my heart bleeds! The hurt and pain was so great that I almost felt suffocated. And yet, I tried to smile, laugh even. No tear. No cry. I fucking smiled. And then, I felt numb. I remember that day I was driving home after that, listening to Adele's album, wanting to cry, but there's no tears. That feeling was miserable!

Luckily, everybody there doesn't seem to know our past. Everybody thought we were just friends. Things would have been worse if everyone knew we were trying to be together.

Love has once again break my heart.

Love has once again bring me disappointment and despair.

Love has once again throw me into the deep darken valley of sorrow.

Love has once again bring me down...

Having nobody to talk to nor find comforts in... that sucks! I am so amazed by how cold and harsh the world can be that it always have a way to break you and make you fall.

And so I allowed myself to dwell in the hurt and pain for the past few days. Remembering or thinking about all the "glory days" and "could have" and "what ifs". Before I fall into deep depression, I guess now it's time to take a step back, take a deep breath and stand up again. Consider this a lesson learnt.

I've learnt that I should keep an open mind for any relationship.

I've learnt that it's better to start from being friends first, instead of rushing into anything further.

I've learnt that sometime feelings need to be expressed and conveyed clearly.

I've learnt that sometime heart-to-heart, face-to-face talk is crucial.

I've learnt that I cannot be too submissive.

I've learnt that I must know myself better, in order to be better and better.

For that, I am thankful for the lesson and the experience. Though it still hurts, I strongly believe time will ease the pain. No, I don't hate him anymore. He's just another soul looking for love like I do. Like one of my friend said:"In any relationship, someone will get hurt.". Guess I am the unlucky one then.

Casting away all the fears and pain, letting go all the sadness and sorrow, I am gonna get over it and move on. Believing that tomorrow is a brighter and better day. I shall be strong. Please, keep me strong.

The following song is the song I keep listening and singing for the past few days. This song somehow manages to describe how I feel at this moment of my life. Beautiful song, really.

I heard that you're settled down,
That you found a girl and you're married now,
I heard that your dreams came true,
Guess she gave you things I didn't give to you,
Old friend, why are you so shy?
Ain't like you to hold back or hide from the light,

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited,
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it,
I had hoped you'd see my face,
And that you'd be reminded that for me it isn't over,

Nevermind, I'll find someone like you,
I wish nothing but the best for you, too,
Don't forget me, I beg,
I remember you said,
"Sometimes it lasts in love,
But sometimes it hurts instead,"
Sometimes it lasts in love,
But sometimes it hurts instead, yeah,

You know how the time flies,
Only yesterday was the time of our lives,
We were born and raised in a summer haze,
Bound by the surprise of our glory days,

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited,
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it,
I had hoped you'd see my face,
And that you'd be reminded that for me it isn't over,

Nevermind, I'll find someone like you,
I wish nothing but the best for you, too,
Don't forget me, I beg,
I remember you said,
"Sometimes it lasts in love,
But sometimes it hurts instead,"

Nothing compares,
No worries or cares,
Regrets and mistakes, they're memories made,
Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste?

Nevermind, I'll find someone like you,
I wish nothing but the best for you,
Don't forget me, I beg,
I remember you said,
"Sometimes it lasts in love,
But sometimes it hurts instead,"

Nevermind, I'll find someone like you,
I wish nothing but the best for you, too,
Don't forget me, I beg,
I remember you said,
"Sometimes it lasts in love,
But sometimes it hurts instead,"
Sometimes it lasts in love,
But sometimes it hurts instead.

The Begin After The End

Happy New Year 2010!

I know it's already the 10th day of the new year, but I guess it's still early enough to wish anyone a very happy new year. Good wishes and loves are meant to be spread around. Hahaha...

I actually intent to revamp this blog. OK, not revamp. Maybe just to change the look and feel of this site. Just to have the feeling of 'new' or 're-new'. Apparently my attempt has, again, failed. I started with replacing the blog header photo with a photo which showing my not-as-sexy pecs. How daring I can be! Thought I should put something that show something about me on this blog. Too bad, my pecs is not as appealing as this current pecs shown in the blog header photo. At the end, I gave up changing and put back up this original photo.

I then tried to change the colour of the blog. I thought my blog is just dark. Not cheerful and somewhat depressing. So I thought I should get rid of the black colour background. I like blue. So I changed the background colour to dark blue and the text to light blue. Different blue for the link, the side border etc. However, it just doesn't feel right. Awkward and uncomfortable with the new look and feel. At the end, I changed everything back.

I guess I am not ready to change. Gosh, lack of flexibility and adaptability. A sign of aging? Or perhaps I don't have the good picture yet of how I want my new blog to be. Whatever! This reminded me of the status I have written my facebook few days ago that I started feel the lack of strength and ability to do those things I wish to do. Pretty annoying seriously!

Anyway, about the new year. Oh, it is great so far! I had a good time with ex-colleagues on the first day evening of the new year. We had a small gathering at my house and enjoyed every single moment laughing and chatting. It's been a long time since I last laughed out so loud that it hurt my throat! Hahaha...

Work wise... ok as well. I managed to cope well with the assignment and tasks given. Get along better now with the team members. Just need to put more efforts to build up trust between the team members and me. And I figured I need to be more disciplined. Sometime working from home is not a good idea for me. I tend to spend more time on surf net, chatting, watch drama and porn (yes I do) than working! Hahaha... Oh well, that's one of the 'welfare/benefit' of working in this company. I just need to constantly remind myself not to abuse the 'convenience' given and make sure I do my job and deliver whatever expected on time.

Health wise... I think I bulked up... on my belly! Damn it! I hate it! I want to bulk up on my pecs and arms and shoulders and ... definitely not my belly! But uuurrrggghhh... my belly just can't stop growing bigger! Guess I need to do more sit-ups and monitor my sitting posture! Yeah my sitting posture definitely is the main contribution to my big belly. I tend to hunch my back which eventually push my belly out front. =_='''

On the good side, I hit the gym more often than I used to. Been addicted to BodyPump class lately. Thanks to the gorgeous and hunky instructor. Of course, I initially attended the class just wanted to see he flex his muscles while doing those exercises. Gosh, I once chose a place right in front of him and I got to 'examine' his legs, thighs... (I wish I can go further up to the area between his legs), his biceps, triceps, pecs... Urgh... so 'motivating'! You bet I did a great work out in his class! The good thing is I really did a full body work out. OK, maybe almost full. The sad news is that now he seems not instructing the class anymore according to the new class schedule! Damn it! I hope this is just temporarily. He is my main motivation to hit the gym and work out!

Love or relationship... Hahaha... still single. How pathetic! But I guess I am ready for a relationship. I used to have a lot of concerns and too caught up with many things which I also not quite sure what they are. But now since I am more settled down and got to have a lot of time for myself, I guess I am more ready for a relationship. Just need to stop thinking about the negativity of having a relationship. The lost of freedom, the lack of personal space and time, the questions from friends and family about that special someone, the phobia of AIDS/HIV... Silly me!

About looking for boyfriend/partner, I used to have a very high expectation. He must have great personality, great sense of humour, hunky, ok-looking if not good-looking, can have a great intellectual conversation with me... I was basically looking for Mr. Perfect! Not that I didn't realize my unreasonable and stupid expectation, sub-consciously I guess I was hoping the fairy-tales I saw on TV will become reality. And sometime when I re-examined myself, I painfully found that I am not not as good as I expected myself to be. So who am I to deserve the Mr Perfect I thought I wanted to be with? Then, I will stop looking and thought I should improve myself to be a better person first. Hahaha... come to think of it, I am quite stupid in a way!

Oh well, it's new year. I don't quite agree with "new year new beginning". In fact, everything keeps on going. It's just me that choose to change something along the way on this so-called special moment of time, known as the end of year 2009 and the begin of year 2010. Whatever it is, I hope from this point onwards, things are getting better and better, for you and for me.

Heartache Tonight

I was at the Desa Park City Water Front Park shopping just now with my parents. And I saw him. And this time, he was with a girl. His hand was over her shoulder. They were walking towards my direction. I pretend to scratch my forehead to cover my face when they passed me by. I don't know why. What I do know is that I was disappointed, heartbroken and sad.



Deep in my heart, I really wish that girl is just her sister or something. But I am tired of guessing already. Too many maybes and whatifs . More than two years already. Everytime I see him, my heart would beat faster. He never fail to take my breath away.

I remember how I rushed to the KTM KL Sentral to catch the train hoping to stumble upon him in the train; I remember I stood behind him observing him while he was busy reading; I remember him in a polo shirt carrying a luggage not sure if he was going for a vacation; I remember I saw him in Pavilion carrying a bag looking for someone when I was having coffee in Starbuck with family; I also saw him in Desa Park City twice. Each and every time, he took my breath away.



I can't help laughing at my stupidity and craziness. I actually hoped and wished to have a chance to be with this guy (not knowing if he's gay or not) for fucking 2 years. And the funny thing was I never even fucking have the gut to go after him and ask him out! Stupid! Stupid kind of pursuit of happiness.


Haih... never mind. Wish him well. I need to get over this. Taking a deep breath, I need some good sentimental music to take me far far away from this reality... at least for tonight.

I was a boy

I was cleaning my room this afternoon when I found a piece of manuscript paper slipped in between my bags at the end of my bed. I took it out and realized that it was a poem written on that paper. Not sure if it was written by me or I copied from somewhere. But definitely long long time ago. Else I would have remembered if the poem was written by me or not.



Since I normally will post those poems I wrote on the internet (in my blog, friendster, facebook etc), I then went online to search those sites to clarify if it was a poem written by myself. After surfing through some sites, I actually stopped at one of my old blog and found an entry which brought me back to one of those days when I was crazily in love with a friend (Yes, straight and now married).

We used to text each other so often that some times I thought we were, you know, in a relationship. Hahahaha... We text about anything. I remember I was in a park and saw a turtle swimming in the pool, and I just sms him and saying that I saw that turtle and it maks me feel great. And I remember some time, we will just sms each other just to greet good night before we head to bed. Little did I know, to him, it was just merely a good gesture to a very good friend. Obviously I thought it was different.

So sometime, when I messaged him and he never replied, I would feel terrible. Wondering what happened and what went wrong. He got tired of me or he didn't receive my sms. Then I would need to scold myself that he has no obligation to reply my sms. And sometime he replied late either he was busy or his phone was running out of credit. But I remember those days. Looking back, I find myself so innocent and naive that I can't help laughing at my stupidity.

Well, there was this one time when I did not receive sms from him and I used to recite this poem written by Tagore to console myself :

If thou speakest not
I will fill my heart with thy silence and endure it.
I will keep still and wait like the night
with starry vigil and its head bent low with patience.
The morning will surely come, the darkness will vanish,
and thy voice pour down in golden streams
breaking through the sky.
Then thy words will take wings in songs
from every one of my birds' nests,
and thy melodies will break forth in flowers
in all my forest groves.

~ Rabindranath Tagore

It was actually a very beautiful poem. Who knows how long I reread this poem within my heart while waiting to receive his sms, or never did. Hahaha... It was one of those days, that I thought I was deeply in love, but only on my own.


Hahaha... what a naive young boy I was!

I Will Love Him From Afar

There has not been a single day I live by without having a thought of him. It may be just for a second, but it's all good enough to bring smile on my face. And it's all good enough to just think about him, even just for a second, all my worries and stresses will be left behind.

But I think I'll have to start putting down all my feelings for him. Either hide it somewhere deep down inside, or just simply get rid of it. I guess he's just not into me.

We were there in The Garden with a bunch of friends. Lazy to queue up with other crowd at the Midvalley, we actually decided to sacrifice more money and bought the Gold Class ticket at the Garden to catch a movie - BOLT. Funny how the seat in the cinema seem to be all twin seat. And given the chance, or simply lucky, we were seated together side by side again. Just that this time, it's all a little different. He seemed to keep sitting away from me. Not sure if it's because I scared him off or simply not wanting to create any suspicion to those friends who were sitting behind us. So we ended up sitting away from each other at the other end, in the twin seat. Yea, awkward as it may sound. Though occasionally we laughed out loud at the obviously funny movie, this time however, I did not really enjoy the movie.

I blame on the expectation I have from him. Like we would giggled together. He would asked me more questions. We would feel comfy sitting together. Damn those stupid expectation. And I hate myself for that.

After the movie, we went out of the cinema and he was like walking so far in front of us. Not sure if he was rushing to his next destination or simply wanna get rid of me. Whatever it is, I'll just take it as a sign of "The end". That's it. I waved everyone goodbye as the others still need to stay around and do shopping or whatever.

I passed over the bridge of The Garden and Midvalley Mall. Looking through the glass window, it was raining outside. Sudden sadness appears within my heart. I kept walking. Passing by many many people I don't know. Searching for the way out of the mall, as if I was searching the way out of this valley of sorrow. Yea, I eventually was out of the mall. I caught the ktm train. Got on board. And let the train took me where I belong.

On the way back home, I don't really know what I feel. But instinct told me this has got to come to an end. Perhaps I am lucky I didn't fall too deep yet. And maybe this is for the best for both of us. The truth and funny thing is, I don't even know if he is really into guys. Hahaha... look at how pathetic I am.

Whatever it is, I have decided from now on, I'll cast my feelings for him aside. I think we're better as friends. Yea, he's a good friend. Ain't gonna ruin it by trying to ask for more from him. Things are good the way it is now.

If I really love him so, then I guess I should just love him from afar...

If He Loves Me

He* was there, with me
Sitting beside me in the car
While I was driving
How I wish I could just look at him
For as long as I could
How sweet and gentle he could be

He was there, with me
Sitting beside me in a class
While we were listening to the lecturer
How I wish I could just look at him
For as long as I could
How attentive and dedicated he could be

He was there, with me
Sitting beside me at the dining table
While we were chatting and eating
How I wish I could just look at him
For as long as I could
How adorable and funny he could be

He was there, with me
Sitting beside me in the concert hall
While we were appreciating the beauty of music
How I wish I could just look at him
For as long as I could
How wonderful and amazing he could be

If he loves me
Then let him take my hands
If he loves me
Then let me fall into his embrace
If he loves me
Then let him say my name
If he loves me
I'll be the happiest man

That's if he loves me...

A Pleasant Evening

I can't remember when was the last time I have such pleasant evening. A few friends sitting together at the same round table, talked about anything and everything. Remember good old days and sharing funny stories among ourselves while we laughing out loud.

Yeah, it was really fun. I just attended a friend's son's one-month-old birthday and I got to meet a few friends there. Though we're not best friends, we're close enough to talk about most of the things and share a few laughs. And I felt this is something I really like. Feeling comfortable and care-free. Nothing to worry about. Just sit together and talks something, doesn't matter if it's important or not.

And we all felt comfortable and enjoy each other's company. What made the whole thing better, is that the possible one was there, and he was sitting right beside me, again, through-out the whole event. Love the way he laughs, and the look on his face when he try not to laugh. At one point he moved further apart from me though. Not sure if I offended him or something? Or maybe he just need more space?! Not sure. But we all still enjoying talking and laughing until everyone else left. And we were the last group of people leaving the house.

Once I reached home, I received a sms from him saying that he's being stucked in the traffic congestion. I almost wanted to reply "Oh dear, wish I could be there with you to keep you company in the car." But nah... ain't gonna scare him off. I suggested him to listen to the radio instead. Another sms from him when he reached home and say good night. Knowing him, most probably the last sms was sent to everyone.

It was a pleasant evening, indeed. Especially with the possible one there. Hmm...

The Possible One

Is he the one? A question I have been asking myself many times over the years. Somehow I managed to tell myself that maybe it's just my wishful thinking that he is gay and that he will like me. Or it's stupid to even think about there's a chance between us. Anyway, he's one of the few good men in my life.

Tell me you want me.

And I was shocked when I heard someone said that he is actually into guys. And that he love to watch handsome men more than pretty women! Gosh, really?! Is that person joking?! Part of me glad to have heard that; Another part of me actually pour myself a cold water and said :" Cheh! So what?! That doesn't prove or confirm that he is gay and even if he is, you are not even sure if you are his type!"

Oh well, it's true. But a man at his age still single and available, pretty good-looking and kind-hearted and well-mannered and soft-spoken and down-to-earth and thoughtful and health-conscious and... Oops, did I just mention all his good attributes and great personality?! And I haven't seen him in any relationship since the day I know him. I heard he had been in a relationship once, with a girl, I presumed. And that the relationship ended in a pretty depressing way. Well, I don't know the detail. And not sure if I need to know about it. :p

However, I was asked to go out for a movie by a friend and he was invited as well. So we, a bunch of guys and gals braved ourselves to Pavilion to catch the movie - Mamma Mia! Well, before the movie we went for dinner first, of course! And he was sitting beside me. :p Nothing interesting happened, but I was just glad that he was sitting beside me. :p And then when it's time for the movie, we went into the cinema. And yes, again, he was sitting beside me. Yes, again! :p

Wish he would be with me everyday!

And you bet through out the movie I could not really focus on the movie screen. Not because the movie isn't nice, but I just couldn't help to check out his reaction towards the movie from scene to scene. Oh, and we did exchange our thoughts a few times through-out the movie.

The possible One : Pierce Brosnan's body is out of shape!
Me : Yeah, pretty obvious, huh?!
The possible One : Meryl Streep can really sing!
Me : Yeap, and Pierce Brosnan and the young leading actor are not as good as her in singing.
The possible One : I think I remember the 'dad' from some other movie, which movie again?!
Me : I am not sure. I only familiar with Pierce Brosnan and Collin Firth.

And yeah, on and off, we sang along when the movie was playing the familiar songs we've heard when we were young.

I don't know. I would be lying if I said I have no feelings for him. I'll definitely say yes if he ever asked me out. But I can't see how it will be if we were together. And from how much I know about him, I don't think he is looking for a companion like me. And you know, sometime it is better for two persons to remain just friends. Perhaps perhaps perhaps...

If you're not the one, then...

"I have a dream...a song to sing..."

Where Is The Love?

It's pathetic that living for more than 20 years and I still cannot define and truly fully experience love. What's love? No, don't ask me that! Love is... love.

I love you dearly

But I have to be glad though that I have experienced the love from family and friend. Family loves me, and my friends love me. So even though at times I find myself pathetically alone without that special someone who will always be by my side, I always tell myself that I should be thankful because, at least, I am loved, by family and friends of course.

But that doesn't stop me from dreaming to have that special someone who will always be by my side. The white Prince, the so-called Mr. Right, the ultimate love of my life, the partner and the one who I will spend my life with. How nice it would be...

You know, it doesn't help when my mom asked me when will I get a girlfriend? Who are you hanging with? A guy or a girl? Even though sometime she said no need to rush to get a wife, deep down inside I am so sure she wanted to see me get married and build a family on my own. At least she would want to witness that when she is still alive. Perhaps, that's what she secretly hopes for now. And I wonder what will it be if I were to bring home a perfect man holding my hand. Or a gentleman sending flowers to my home where I happily receive it with a sweet smile on my face. Or a gorgeous man sending me home from a date planting a kiss on my cheek (or lips) before I walked into the front door, turning around and saying goodbye to him.

Dream dream dream...

Yeah, I've never been afraid to dream. For I know that's the least I can do to make myself happy. And to make my dreams more interesting, I love to watch romantic movies. All those "happily ever after" movies certainly makes my dreams feel more real and achievable. From straight chic-flicks to gay-themed romantic movies... I watched them all. "Love Actually", "The Holiday", "27 dresses", "Straight Jacket", "Shelter"... that's where my dreams come true. Even though they come and go, I enjoy the moment and I look for another great moment to come later.

Shane Mack - Lie To Me


Lately I just watch the gay-themed movie - Shelter. I totally enjoyed the movie. That night, my whole family went out to shopping and left me all alone in my house. So the perfect thing to do is indulge myself in the not-so-real world. So I play that movie and threw myself into bed hugging my favourite pillow, sat back and enjoy the sweet, romantic movie. The movie has everything I like, two guys (hunky), surfers fell in love. There were complications (yes, that's life), sweet conversations, hot love-making, confusion, some hilarious scripts... the best part is that I got to see two guys lying in bed just gazing into each other's eyes and knowing how lucky and loved they are. That particular part totally won my heart over. I know, that's love.

Of course there's always a side effect after watching that kind of movie, especially for a single person like me. I'll tend to think about my love life and feel how pathetically alone I am. Then bla bla bla... all those negative thoughts... unfairness... just overwhelming. Thanks to my years of practice, I managed to put a shield all over me and those things could never attack me or bring me down. I've learned to cast them away by telling myself that I am good person and I do have people who love me for who I am. If I were destined to be alone for the rest for my life, I know that many people love me, and I can love them all back. :D

Glad to have you with me, darling!

Still unsure of how my love life would be, I simply put a smile on my face and walk one step at a time. "Come what may...", I tell myself.

Mama's Love

I just finished my dinner. Yes, it is now 11:41pm and I have just finished my dinner. I worked pretty late today (these days actually) as I need to finish off my works which its due date is just around the corner. Some of them I need to postpone the due date as it is just impossible for me to finish them off on time given the amount of works I have and the limited time given. I don't care. I already told my boss and my customer that some of the works will be delivered later. If the boss wanna minus my marks for the performance, I'm fine with it.

I don't give a damn!

Anyway, reaching home almost 11pm just now, my mom asked me if I've taken my dinner. Not that I worked until I forgot the time for dinner. But without anyone to accompany me to go for dinner, I was just lazy to walk to any nearby mamak stall to take my dinner. Unhealthy and stupid I know! I thought I would rather save the time and do my work. So I told my mom I only took a bun (which is true. My colleague gave me a bun so that I won't starve to death.)

Mama : There're still some pork and rice. I can even heat up the soup for you. You want them?
Me : It's ok la. I already took a bun.
Mama : Sure?
Me : Yeah. Beside I am lazy to eat. So tired. Wanna take my shower and hit the sack.
Mama : OK then. Maybe you can just drink a cup of milk before you sleep.

So I went into my bedroom, undressed, wrapped myself up with the towel and hit the shower. Not so long after that, my mom was yelling outside saying that she will heat up the soup and rice. And that by the time I finish my shower, all the food will be put on the kitchen table. Without much choice, I just said :"OK, mom!"

Indeed, I saw food have been served on the dinner table after I dried myself up and put on my clothes. Feeling warm and happy, I enjoyed the food alone. Mom and others have gone to sleep. The soup and rice is warm. Even though the pork is a little bit cold, it taste good when I ate them with the warm rice.

This is the different of staying with family, with your parents. If I were to stay outside alone, I don't think I will have anything to eat. Even if there is, I think most probably it will be maggi mee or mee in my mug. And tonight, I felt again the warm and love of being around the family. There's always someone to take care of me.

I'm taken care of and loved.

And tonight, Mama loves me! :p

Long Term Relationship

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