Oh Daddy, Sing to Me!

When it comes to a hunk, with big arms and huge pecs, I definitely succumb to his irresistible masculinity. Not sure if it was because an auto-reflex of my hormone testosterone or I had been brain-washed before, that I will be physically attracted to hunky stud.

So when I come across hunk like these :



these,



and these,



... I cannot help but staring! And maybe drooling too...

Having all the time for myself during this holiday, I basically googling all the possible hunks I can find online. And then I come across this famous ex-gay porn star who is now singer : Colton Ford!

I first came across his sexy MVs and they caught my eyes, undoubtedly. I viewed the clips repeatedly and I found my feet tapping with the music as well. His George Michael-like voice kinda attracts me. And I spent almost one whole day to search online to look for his latest album : Tug of War. It was more like a electronic, disco like music album. I don't use to like disco or techno or rock music because I find them kinda noisy and too loud to my ears. Surprisingly, I like this album. Maybe this album is not that loud. And his sexy voice keep reminding me of his huge pecs and big arms. And my testosterone will start do his magic on me... and you know I will surrender... to his sexiness!

And guess what, I always have a soft-spot for someone more mature and older than me. But don't get me wrong! I am not into daddy type. I just feel more secure with someone who is mature in thinking and who can impress me with his vast knowledge and incredible charms. :P And look at this Colton Ford! Oh my oh my, though he is kinda not-so-young anymore, he is still VERY sexy! Look at the following photos!



I wonder how he keep fit?! Look at that, still physcially fit and huge and urgh... every inch of his muscle is lickable! What a waste of him quitting gay porn industry! And and his partner Blake Harper is HOT HOT HOT!!! Go find out yourself who is Blake Harper!



So let's check out his MVs :

Colton Ford - The Way You Love Me

I don't know why I find this MV turn me on. Maybe because of his open shirt! Damn, hot hot hot! He has another version of MV for this song as follow:

Colton Ford - The Way You Love Me (Blue Door Edit)


Ain't it HOT?! He can sing half naked all through the MV and it's all good enough! I am sure it will be explosive if he were to sing while stripping! :P

Oh and the following is one of my favourite songs in the album:

Colton Ford feat. Cazwell - That's Me (Explicit Version)


Another cool MV for your viewing pleasure!

Colton Ford - Tug of War


So what do you think? Hot, right?! How can I resist such hot dad?! In fact, despite some not-so-good review from others about his music, I personally think some songs in his latest album are quite good. After all, it's his first album. I would say he has done a pretty good job. You bet I have his latest album, Tug Of War, listed in my favourite albums.

26

Such a weird number! Oh well, like it or not, that's the number of years I have been living in this world. So who has I become? What have I achieved? Nothing!

There's a little different this year. Last night, my friends asked me out and had non-alcoholic drink at the Laundry, The Curve. Just a normal chatting. They bought a slice of cake and we ran the small 'cake cutting ceremony', make a wish and blew the candle. It was simple and nice. Just nice. Then we talked and talked. But everyone was tired. They had been hanging out whole day. So we went home and rest. Oh well, at least I've got a small, sweet and nice birthday celebration. Better than stay home, I guess. At least, as I mentioned, there's something different this year.

Oh I have to write this down. I saw my crush in Pavilion yesterday! He looked so fine! And I think he bulk up a little. Yummy! He must have gone to the gym a lot and work out these days. Oh those big arms! I could melt in his embrace. He was waiting for someone, I guess. Coz I saw him looking around as if searching for somebody. I hope he's not waiting for his loved one. Coz I wish to be his loved-one. :p

I should've walked up and say hi. But I was with my parents and cousins. Not a good moment for that. Shit! Anyway, seeing him is good enough to make my day. Especially when he is still looking so good, even better and hotter! Ahhh... I can dream of him night and day!

And today, my big day, I spent the whole day at home! Just what I need! And I enjoyed you-tubing! Figured out a lot of interesting clips and watched some nice MV. From checking out Marco Blaze, to Colton Ford's MVs, to OZ's homo-erotic scenes, until some unknown hunks clips. Basically a great hunky feast. Good for my eyes!

Wonder how this year is gonna be. I hope everything will turn out better and better. My wish for this year? That would be too many. But I think I should really consider searching for my prince charming.

I was 25... going on 26!

Can't Help Being Stressed

I think I am over-stressed.

I keep worry about my works. My supervisor had assigned me some homework to do during the Chinese New Year. Sucks, I know! Oh well, I still have to do it anyway. It's about some documentation that I need to do. Putting down all those user-requirement into words and document them. Not an easy task, I would say. Especially when I did not really perform well during my stay in Karachi as I was not really prepared and I was sick like hell, due to food poisoning.

So since I could not collect sufficient information, how am I going to document them? And who can I to blame, but myself?!

So these days every day I wake up I scratch my head wondering how am I going to do this homework of mine. Undoubtedly, it had obviously spoil my Chinese New Year mood. And I hate it. I hate worry over my works during this festive season. And everybody is enjoying the holiday! And that make me feel even more worse!

So I had decided, I will try my best and document them down and submit to my supervisor before the first day of Chinese New Year. So I did, scratching my head, going through those few notes I jotted down during my discussion with the customers, and trying to remember what they said. I managed to come out with something. But not very impressive, I would say. Some of them I would say are pieces of shits. But that's all I could produce.

And suddenly I feel like I'm a piece of shit as well!

I closed my eyes, telling myself I had done my best. I put all those documents I produced in a folder and zip it up. Wrote an email and attached the zip file and sent it to my supervisor. Right before the first day of Chinese New Year.

Relieved? Not entirely. I still feel like I am doing a shoddy work. But I already did my best. What more I can do? I keep asking myself this questions. Part of me keep saying I did my best; Another part of me keep saying that there's more that I can do to make things better.

I am tired of this mental battle, or mental fight within myself. Maybe I should just forget all these troubles or problems for this holiday and start worry again when I get back to work.

But I can never stop worry! And that kills me! Fuck!

Some Bad Days

You see I have been surrounded by negativities since months ago. Ever since I started to work in the new office, back to the old office, working on another project and now working in Karachi, I have heard many complaints and gripes from colleagues. Surprisingly, even the boss also made a few complaints and shared it with us.

I doubt this will do me any good if this continue to happen.

Well, as the old saying :"If you can't defeat them, then you join them!". So I joined them. Complaining this and that and agree with whatever they are complaining, in hope that this will keep me alive in their group and be part of their 'family'. Oh, as if I have a choice, they are the only family I have now, when I am working in Karachi.

It's really disappointing that all my plans and expectations has been destroyed day by day when I reached Karachi. I thought I could enjoy working a 9 to 5 working hours and after that I could really enjoy myself in the luxurious 5 stars hotel enjoying the jacuzzi, the 100 over satellite TV channels, the gymnasium facilities, and even go sight-seeing and capture some good scenes got my blogging at night. I had that dream!

Too bad my dream didn't come true!

9 to 5 working hours? My ass! I basically have to wake up every morning around 6am and check my mails. Get myself ready including that hot shower and packing up my notebooks and fill up the bags with at least two mineral water! The weather in Karachi is cold but dry. I even have broken lips for the first few days which totally spoil my good mood! Thank to whatever up above I managed to get a lip-gloss which save me for the following days till now.

Oh where was I? Oh yeah, 9 to 5!? We had breakfast together around 8am and 830am have to be ready to be sent to the head office and start the meeting. Alright, I'll save my gripes later in this blog for how fucking annoying during work time. I'll skip it for now and talk about the time. So we end hour work at 5pm, and we have to gather at a training centre to do have a meeting to share our work experiences and discoveries of the day. Not that I am against the ideas of doing sharing, but what they shared are mostly unrelated to my area. Though I enjoyed some good laugh of those funny stories they shared during the review meeting, that hours are wasted for me.

After the meeting, which normally ends around 7pm++, we'll be sent back to the hotel. Then we'll have to decided where to have dinner. Another waste of time to determine where to dine. Then I'll have to hear complaints and gripes of the day through-out the dinner time. By the time we reach back hotel, it will be like 9pm++. Then I'll have to wash up, took shower and get myself out of the 'dust'. Yes, Karachi air is pretty polluted, in my opinion. After that, you think I can take my rest? NO WAY! I have to write meeting minutes for the day!

You see, I like to write minute if I know and understand what everybody is talking about. No offense but some people here are so good in speaking that they speak very fast with their local accent which I don't really understand. And they thought I am so good in listening and I suspect they even thought I am a professional meeting recorder that I can basically write doen each and every word they spoke. Too bad I may have deceived them with my book-nerd-like look! Oh well, I still have to complete the meeting minute no matter what and let my supervisor review before send it out to the project manageer for final review. Such a stressful work!

Only at about 11pm++ that I got to climb into my bed and start to press the TV remote control and start to watch some programs. And by the time I found my favourite channel, within the next few seconds, I already dozzed off! Fuck!

The next day will be the same old thing!

And talk about my work. I am basically here in Karachi to collect user-requirement. So I need to do a lot of interview and talk and talk and request and request more information from the user. I was allocated in the data communication conference room, together with some of my colleagues. It was a stuffy room with many computers inside. So there was this old man, who I believe is one of the top management guy, like to smoke in the room! Hey! He fucking smoke in a stuff room with air-cond on! What the hell is he thinking?! I don't really hate smokers so much before this as I don't mind other people business. But this old man really had pissed me off! It is an air-cond room for goodness sake and the room is quite stuffy already! Yet, he still without any hesitation took out the cigeratte and fucking smoke in front of us like nobody's business!

If I am not mistaken, he smoked at least 3 cigeratte per day! Imagine every day I have to be the second-hand smoker! I can imagine my lungs are now in black colour! I guess no one dare to say anything or raise an issue on that fella as he is one of the top management guy. But, again, he is not being civilized! He doesn't care about his health doesn't mean that he can spoil our health!

Expectedly, I had flu and terrible sore-throat for the next few days. See when you are sick, you can't really enjoy whatever there is for you to enjoy! Food is tasteless. Weather is cold! No matter how luxurious the hotel room is, you basically just feel numb and wish to recover from that annoying sore-throat and running nose.



And for now, I really miss Malaysia! Looking forward to go home soon next week!

P/S : It's amazing I can even write this lengthy post! Please excuse my grammer mistakes and typo error! :p

I Will Love Him From Afar

There has not been a single day I live by without having a thought of him. It may be just for a second, but it's all good enough to bring smile on my face. And it's all good enough to just think about him, even just for a second, all my worries and stresses will be left behind.

But I think I'll have to start putting down all my feelings for him. Either hide it somewhere deep down inside, or just simply get rid of it. I guess he's just not into me.

We were there in The Garden with a bunch of friends. Lazy to queue up with other crowd at the Midvalley, we actually decided to sacrifice more money and bought the Gold Class ticket at the Garden to catch a movie - BOLT. Funny how the seat in the cinema seem to be all twin seat. And given the chance, or simply lucky, we were seated together side by side again. Just that this time, it's all a little different. He seemed to keep sitting away from me. Not sure if it's because I scared him off or simply not wanting to create any suspicion to those friends who were sitting behind us. So we ended up sitting away from each other at the other end, in the twin seat. Yea, awkward as it may sound. Though occasionally we laughed out loud at the obviously funny movie, this time however, I did not really enjoy the movie.

I blame on the expectation I have from him. Like we would giggled together. He would asked me more questions. We would feel comfy sitting together. Damn those stupid expectation. And I hate myself for that.

After the movie, we went out of the cinema and he was like walking so far in front of us. Not sure if he was rushing to his next destination or simply wanna get rid of me. Whatever it is, I'll just take it as a sign of "The end". That's it. I waved everyone goodbye as the others still need to stay around and do shopping or whatever.

I passed over the bridge of The Garden and Midvalley Mall. Looking through the glass window, it was raining outside. Sudden sadness appears within my heart. I kept walking. Passing by many many people I don't know. Searching for the way out of the mall, as if I was searching the way out of this valley of sorrow. Yea, I eventually was out of the mall. I caught the ktm train. Got on board. And let the train took me where I belong.

On the way back home, I don't really know what I feel. But instinct told me this has got to come to an end. Perhaps I am lucky I didn't fall too deep yet. And maybe this is for the best for both of us. The truth and funny thing is, I don't even know if he is really into guys. Hahaha... look at how pathetic I am.

Whatever it is, I have decided from now on, I'll cast my feelings for him aside. I think we're better as friends. Yea, he's a good friend. Ain't gonna ruin it by trying to ask for more from him. Things are good the way it is now.

If I really love him so, then I guess I should just love him from afar...

If He Loves Me

He* was there, with me
Sitting beside me in the car
While I was driving
How I wish I could just look at him
For as long as I could
How sweet and gentle he could be

He was there, with me
Sitting beside me in a class
While we were listening to the lecturer
How I wish I could just look at him
For as long as I could
How attentive and dedicated he could be

He was there, with me
Sitting beside me at the dining table
While we were chatting and eating
How I wish I could just look at him
For as long as I could
How adorable and funny he could be

He was there, with me
Sitting beside me in the concert hall
While we were appreciating the beauty of music
How I wish I could just look at him
For as long as I could
How wonderful and amazing he could be

If he loves me
Then let him take my hands
If he loves me
Then let me fall into his embrace
If he loves me
Then let him say my name
If he loves me
I'll be the happiest man

That's if he loves me...

Random thought of a Bachelor

I don't think I can be a good boyfriend. Yeah, I don't think I'll ever be one good partner. You see, I gripe too much. Complain too much! Especially these days when I have been stressed up with works and the only thing I could do is still working... and of course release my tension by griping.

Then at some point, I thought, if I were to have a boyfriend, he would have to listen to me griping all day long. And I tell you, it is not the end of stories. I can gripe all over again at the same topic, same problem, same issue and not get enough of it. I guess I am just being cynical. Luckily I have no boyfriend now (what kind of statement is this?), else he would have to find some ways to shut my big mouth up!

Anyway, back to being a good boyfriend or partner, I suddenly think I am not ready. Or maybe there's no such thing whether we are ready or not to get into a relationship. Some said when love comes, you can't run away. So just accept it and let love leads the way. Yet I'm afraid. Not sure of what. Looking at friends and colleagues around me, a lot of compromises and efforts need to be made to sustain a good relationship. There are good times and bad times. And the thought of later on having to form a family follow by more commitment and responsibilities scare me off.

You see, I have always been alone. Both my siblings have got their boyfriend/girlfriend. It's nice to see that they always have someone to look for when they're happy or sad. And there'll always be someone to talk to or hang around when they're free. But there's always some not-so-nice thing like taking care of the partner's feeling, making time for them, listen to their gripes when they have problems and so on. And me always find myself free from such trouble. Being a lone-ranger, I just do what I want when I want and how I want. No need to consider extra thing like whether this will make my boyfriend happy and should I bring him in too etc.

My sister lately told me she's impressed by me, on the fact that I can live life alone. Not that she could not, for she is quite an independent lady herself. Maybe she has got used to the fact that there'll always be someone there when she needs him. You see, I'm not so proud of being complimented about able to live a life, because I could not. No one is an island. But I must admit that being single has its certain advantages, like maybe some freedom.

But it is sad really when you need someone to just be beside you, and maybe talk to you a little... yet there's nobody there. Like last Friday, after a long stressing weeks of working, I thought I could find someone to just hang out and chill on a friday night. I didn't want to go home just yet to face that lifeless wall. Of course I can just give some friends a call and maybe they might or might not just be there for me. But then I thought maybe I shouldn't bother them as KL was having terrible traffic congestion and it was raining/drizzling.

So there I was standing in front of my office building, wondering if I should stay in KL go shopping, watching movie alone, or just go for dinner alone? I stood there for almost 20 minutes. Yes, 20 minutes! All the passer-by must have wondering what was that freak doing, standing there doing nothing. Finding myself pathetic, I finally dragged myself back into the parking lot and drove home.

Christmas songs were playing while I was driving. And I was feeling hungry and... lonely(I hate to say this but... well I said it). I then stopped at a nice cosy cafe near my house, ordered myself dinner. With my stomach-filled, the restlessness disappeared. With the light music playing at the background and the ever romantic yellowish lights, I just sat there and enjoyed the drizzling rain. Cool and cosy.

* I am inspired to write this post after watching the movies "Never Been Kissed" & "The Nanny Diaries" which were shown in Astro HBO Channel this afternoon. Chic-flicks always make me wanna have a boyfriend! Dammit!

Frustrated

Frustrated.

I was assigned the most difficult tasks because I am the senior.

I am using an ancient programming language which I am not familiar to perform some enhancement on the system. And the due date is just around the corner.

The fresh grad who sit beside me doesn't help at all. I already am short of time to finish my assignment, yet I am expected to guide him to finish his assignment. In the end, both of us couldn't deliver on the target date. And the next assignment coming in. Another dateline is given. So we have to complete the first assignment and also the next assignment. And I am trying to meet the target date this time. Yet again, the junior beside me doesn't help. He is still struggling with his first assignment and the second deadline is just around the corner. =_='''

I have another 3 assignments to be completed before mid December. And I must complete all assignment by then. Else, I'll not be able to join the next big project which will bring more opportunities to me. And looking at the tasks I have in hands... I am not sure if I could finish them all in time.

Frustrated.

Facial Treatment

It was just a stupid suggestion which I unintentionally blurted out during our morning breakfast conversation the other day with my mother and sister :

"Hmm... mommy! I think I should go do facial! Nowadays always find my face very oily and irritating."

To my surprise, she said yes I should go for a facial treatment and even suggested the treatment centre which she has always been. Of course, that suggestion follows by a strings of how we should take care our face and that we should take care since we're young and bla bla bla... What shocked me the most was after that breakfast, we actually went to that facial centre right away to try our luck. Too bad the schedule was full that day and we had to make an appointment. So we did. And yes, I went for my first facial treatment yesterday.

I ain't gonna describe the whole process. But there are two main things worth mentioning here. First, is the facial massage. Mmm... I like it! Very de-stressing! The therapist applied some don't-know-what lotion or cream on my face and massaged my face repeatedly. It was just fantastic. Although it may be tickly for some part of the face, overall it's very comforting. And the therapist does know where to press on our face and it felt amazingly great. Love this to the max. How I wish the whole process was just this?! But no! There's always the good and the bad!

The bad part was of course when the therapist try to 'treat' your face! Oh yes, get rid of your black heads, pimples and all that dirty things off your face. Oh how innocent I was when I thought using the facial scrubs or something to wash our face will get rid of those dirty things?! No way! Apparently they reside so deep under the skin of our face that the therapist need to actually 'dig' or 'pinch' them out! And it was fucking painful! They have this tool (I have no idea how it looks like as my eyes were covered through-out the process.) which they use to press to get rid of whatever unwanted on my face. Sometime if the black-heads or whatever-dirty-stuff is too big and couldn't be pinched out, they actually use a needle or something similar to poke a hole on the face so that they would come out of the face! (At least that was what I felt! They use needle to poke my face! :-| )

You have no idea how tensed I was when they pinched, and pressed, and poked, and pressed, and pinch, and... painful painful painful! It was like being sent to hell for a while! Of course, after that, back to more creamy lotion and facial massage which I immediately felt like being saved from hell and been sent to heaven again! :D

The whole process took 2 hours! Unbelievable! Right after the treatment, I look into the mirror and saw nothing different actually. Still that 'scarred' face with a few black dots here and there. For one moment I told myself :"Cheh! So what!? Still the same old face!" But that night before I went to sleep, I went to wash my face. And when I touched my face, oh gosh, it was as smooth as the silk! So strange! And I actually admired my face for awhile! Oops! Self-indulgence! :P


Ahh... now I need to take care of my facial skin. I normally just wash my face with facial foam. Guess what, I have my facial foam, toner and moisturizer prepared in the toilet for my daily use. And my mom and sister even suggested that we should go do facial treatment every month. =_='''

To Change Or Not To Change

It has been a few weeks, or months, that I basically procrastinating in the office. Not because I don't have works to do. Well I have, but I just don't feel like doing them as there's no due date. And yes, that's the bad habit of mine. Always do things last minute. See, I even typed out this post during office hour when I am supposed to finish my works first.

And then lately the thought of hunting for a new job actually came across my mind. Quite shocking to me actually, because I normally won't simply think about changing job. Especially when I have just recently been transferred to a new team working for a new project. Then tonnes of question came into my mind:

Am I bored of my current job? Am I just seeking an easy way out to avoid working so hard? Am I escaping from something? Am I just tired of programming? Or is it something else?

Coincidentally, my current company's Public Relation or Communication/Marketing Manager has resigned and I believe, there should be a vacancy, eventhough I see no sign of the company hiring new staff to fill in the vacancy. I have talked to the manager, and she actually told me that I could be a potential candidate for the replacement. But I'll just have to take the initiative and talk to the boss about my interest in that position.

At the very same time, the Hotel where I coordinated the wedding for my friend recently is hiring staff for hotel event management. Guess I've impressed my friend so much that she actually think I should work there and recommended me to the event management staff in the Hotel. So now I'll just have to wait for the email to reach my mailbox and I can pick it up from there.

Honestly, I am interested in both opportunities. I have always been interested in dealing with customers. More fun and interesting. And to help provide service and satisfy the customers' needs make me feel happy and satisfied as well. (OK, I know you're giggling about me satisfy someone's need?! No?!) I guess I am a customer-driven person. Love to see their happy face knowing that it is because I have helped make their days!

But then again, a person from IT background to PR/Event management, it is such a huge change! I am not sure if that's a mistake?! Deep down inside, I know that I am not a technical person. I don't see myself being in IT field for the rest of my life. And I don't have this great passion in programming as well. So I guess that is one of the good reasons I should consider the opportunities I have in hand now? And then knowing the current economy situation, I am not sure if I am making a mistake to change job. Is it a risk worth taking?

And that's not all. There are a lot more concerns which I am just lazy to describe here. Hmm... Now I know, changing job isn't that easy! Perhaps I should just forget about changing job and stick to my current job. But the thought of sitting in front of the computer doing programming for another few years kills me!

I don't know... :p

The Wedding

If you still remember I was asked to be a wedding planner few months back. It's amazing how time flies and with just a glimpse of the eyes, the wedding has just passed me by. Oh, and it went very well, indeed.


Me being a wedding planner? No No No! I am just too inexperienced to be one. Come on, asking a person like me who is a programmer and not an event organizer to plan a wedding? A WEDDING? Stop pulling my legs, please! In fact, my friend who was the bride planned the whole wedding herself. So I ended up being her wedding coordinator. What's my job? My job is to make sure everything goes as planned. Yes, sound simple, right? Actually, it is NOT simple! NOT AT ALL!

A few weeks before the actual day, I was flooded with plans and plans. Contact person, agendas, emails for confirmation, hotel bookings, wines, flowers, decorations, CDs and all that jazz. It's like suddenly I have an extra job and have to perform multi-tasking. I even have to take one day off from work one day before the actual day to finalize the wedding plan with the bride and groom. Oh well, I admit I needed a reason to get away from work. :p

So the actual day went well. I was the Master of Ceremony who spoke mandarin during the wedding ceremony. Yeah, not only coordinating the whole event, has to be MC as well. I am telling you I did multi-tasking! What a good friend I am, heh?! Luckily no big catastrophe happened. Despite the rain which caused a small little chaos, everything went well.


Soon after the ceremony which was held in the afternoon, I went home to rest and prepare for the wedding dinner. Yeah, I have to be early at the Hotel to make sure everything was in order. Oh and tell you what, I was so amazed when I went into the wedding hall. The deco and setting is just beautiful! Ice-carving with the wedding photo inside and colourful light shone on it. I love the main VVIP table! Those roses, candles and settings... just perfect! Sorry I don't know how to describe. I am just bad at describing! :p I wish I took a photo of it but I was just too busy coordinating and going through my checklist. And I was so anxious because the lady with the "march in" song CD has not arrived yet! But she made it anyway so we could test the CD before the show was ON! Phew! *Sweat*

So basically I was running here and there through-out the dinner. Giving cue to the floor manager, making sure the music wasn't too loud and air-cond is working, giving cue to the MC to start the next item on the agenda, paying attention to the VVIP table to see if the bride or groom needed anything... busy busy busy! And I have to work with the floor manager from the Hotel to control the food serving, when to stop and when to resume.

Oh and that's not all. I also have to accompany the bride & groom with the family to do toasting from table to table. Yeah, chinese tradition. They really love to do this. With wine or liquor in their hands, starting from one table to another, they will screamed out loudly "Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaammmmm..................... Seng!" and the longer and louder they screamed, the better it is! Imagining going from one table to another table screaming at the top of our voice! And there are 20+ tables that night! It was fun though! :p

I went home that night feeling high and exhausted! And I couldn't sleep that night. Why? I caught cold, having terrible sore-throat and high fever. My throat was so pain that I couldn't lie on my bed to sleep. I switched off the fan and tried to cover myself with blanket so that I can sweat to release the heat from my body. But no sweat at all. And it was tormenting!! I was awake the whole night, watched a few drama series, and I ended up in the living room switching on TV watching "The Nanny" on Hallmark channel. It was till 7am that I managed to fall into sleep on the sofa in the living room. It was that bad!


Anyway, I really enjoyed helping out the wedding event. Part of it is because I learnt a lot from this. Meeting new people, organizing things, making sure everything is in order... it was fun. Another part of it is because I helped make my friend's to have a memorable and wonderful wedding event! I am just glad I'm able to help. In fact, I enjoyed the process. I am so ready to become a wedding planner for my sister! :D

A Pleasant Evening

I can't remember when was the last time I have such pleasant evening. A few friends sitting together at the same round table, talked about anything and everything. Remember good old days and sharing funny stories among ourselves while we laughing out loud.

Yeah, it was really fun. I just attended a friend's son's one-month-old birthday and I got to meet a few friends there. Though we're not best friends, we're close enough to talk about most of the things and share a few laughs. And I felt this is something I really like. Feeling comfortable and care-free. Nothing to worry about. Just sit together and talks something, doesn't matter if it's important or not.

And we all felt comfortable and enjoy each other's company. What made the whole thing better, is that the possible one was there, and he was sitting right beside me, again, through-out the whole event. Love the way he laughs, and the look on his face when he try not to laugh. At one point he moved further apart from me though. Not sure if I offended him or something? Or maybe he just need more space?! Not sure. But we all still enjoying talking and laughing until everyone else left. And we were the last group of people leaving the house.

Once I reached home, I received a sms from him saying that he's being stucked in the traffic congestion. I almost wanted to reply "Oh dear, wish I could be there with you to keep you company in the car." But nah... ain't gonna scare him off. I suggested him to listen to the radio instead. Another sms from him when he reached home and say good night. Knowing him, most probably the last sms was sent to everyone.

It was a pleasant evening, indeed. Especially with the possible one there. Hmm...

Role-Playing Games (RPG)

OK, don't get me wrong! I don't play game. I mean I don't play those video games, xbox, WII bla bla bla... NO NO NO! Those are not for me. Although I used to play MARIO like a maniac when I was young, I don't think I am addicted to playing any of those games nowadays.



However, while coding (Or programming. Or creating a program) today, suddenly the thought of being a slutty bitch today came across my mind. Don't ask me why. I have no specific solid reason for what, why, when, how, where... It's just me! Spontaneous and Impromptu! If you really need an answer, let's just say - Because I am a slutty Bitch today?! Wahaha... Dirty talks, flirty messages... Mmm... come on baby!

Then, I was thinking again, maybe tomorrow I'll be something else. How about a gentleman? Let's see what kind of gentleman I was talking about. Well-educated, well-mannered, well-groomed, what else? Soft-spoken? A man who does everything gracefully and elegantly. OMG, did I just say gracefully? (0_0)''' Oh and definitely wearing suit and tie! Oh my my my! That's so my fetish!



Hmm.., how about the following day? Maybe a construction worker?! Ooooh... A man working under the hot hot sun. Muscular arms and huge pecs. Firm ass with big thighs. Rough, sexy and HOT! Not to mention those muddy t-shirt and the faded jeans? Imagine lifting something and unconsciously flexing those muscles? Ooh... I want to be that man! Sex in the construction site? Ah... one of my fantasy! :p Oops!


Actually there are more, teacher, personal trainer, boss, painter, gigolo... hmm...role playing can be fun. But guess what! That'll only happen in my mind. :p So what do you want to be today?

A Moment of Bliss

Listening to Chris Botti's jazzy music while lying on my bed trying to fall into sleep. I think I feel a moment of bliss. Like I'm the happiest man in the world. Soothing music, comfortable bed... what more can I ask for?! No worries, care-free...

And I wish I could capture that moment, and feel it every day, every night, every moment...

Communication

I should join communication/marketing line. Or maybe aim to become a communication manager in the next 5 to 10 years. Yes, I enjoy communicating with people. And not just typing email, chatting online or texting sms. I love sitting down face to face and have a good conversation. Doesn't matter if it is for leisure, or a meeting to solve problem, or a simple briefing session to provide information to the audience.



Let's see what I like to do :-

1) Writing email
Ooh yes, I love writing emails. You bet most of my emails are very lengthy and well organized (self-claimed). How I love to greet the recipients with a big wide smile like this --> :D and then enjoy choosing the right and correct words to convey my message in the email. I even enjoy correcting and beautifying each and every line so that the reader will feel comfortable reading it as if they are being pampered by my "soothing" words. Bwahahahaha... Of course there must be a few lines of compliments to the recipients to make them happy or feel respected (even though some of them are bitches and bastards! Oops! :p) Not to forget ending the email with some flowery words to thank their kind attention and/or cooperation etc.

And guess what, I don't mind spending hours and hours to write a good email. I don't mind putting efforts in writing email. I feel great that I managed to pass the message to whoever necessary. And I feel the satisfaction when everything that needed to be said can be put into words and spread around to everyone so they benefit from my "documentary". No wonder I am always the one who were asked to do documentation. :p

Seriously, my english is not superb. Grammer mistakes can be found here and there. I wish I could have more time to read more so that I could enrich my vocabulary. But I guess I can just read blogs and maybe newspaper once in a blue moon to brush up my english.

I have a weird habit though. When I am free, I always browse back my "sent box" and enjoy reading those lengthy emails I wrote. Ah, the satisfaction is just indescribable! Call me a freak? As if I care! :p

2) Attending Meeting
Yes I did mention about how sickening a meeting can be, especially those lengthy and unproductive meeting. But I actually like to go for a meeting. Partly because I can escape from sitting and working in the office all day long until my firm butt went flat; Another part is because I got to meet people. Yippie! I love meeting new people. Oh one more thing! I got to dress up! Yippie, wearing nice shirt, nice pant with a nice tie. Oooh, feel so great about myself! Who doesn't when one is dressing up?!

And during the meeting, I got to improve my speaking skill and people skill. Yes, those are essential skills which we need to acquired in this competitive world. And I enjoy observing people when they speak. The words they used, their body language, how they carry themselves, how they hide their weaknesses and so on. Very interesting!

I am very grateful I took up public speaking class during my university. At least I can speak well enough that the audience understand what I was trying to say. Some just couldn't express themselves and with those "Arr...Err... how to say aar?! You know la?!", not so nice, right?!

Oh and I got to meet hunky stud in suit and tie! HOT HOT HOT! I did went to a meeting with men from foreign countries. They are HUGE! Huge face, huge pecs, huge arms... their shirt so tight I can almost see every single muscles through it.... I was like "OMG, instant erection!" And you know their exotic accent and good look, I almost fail to concentrate on whatever they were trying to say. Luckily I always manage to "keep myself awake" and get things done. Oh how can I forget their firm handshake?! Almost wet my pant! :p


3) Presentation/Briefing
OK, I am not really good in presentation seriously. But once in a while I need to do presentation in order to present my ideas to the colleagues/teammates, or maybe teaching users on how to use the system.

Yes a lot of efforts on preparation need to be done to ensure a successful presentation. You need to know what you are talking about and make sure the audience will understand every single things you say. Yes, I enjoy the process of preparing for a presentation. Preparing slides, put all the contents into points form, picking good examples to help user understand better. Those are fun!

Even though most of the time, the time given for the preparation and very short (yes I hate this part), I still, luckily, managed to prepare well enough to present whatever needed to be presented. And again, I feel satisfied when people understand what I am trying to say. Feel like an educator. So proud of myself. Kakakaka!

Although there is always the Q & A session, which can be scary sometime as you won't know what kind of questions the audience will throw at you. But I guess response like "That's a good questions! I will look into it and get back to you later!" will help keep me out of trouble. But if used too often, I'll be in deep shit too. That's why preparation is so important!

Again, during presentation, you also got to see some more hunky studs. They could be those shy one? Sitting there staring at you while you were talking up front? Or maybe those smart one who throw at you with many many questions after your presentation. LOL... If only those hunky studs were interested, I'll just shut their mouth with mine. Wishful thinking! :p


Hmm... now I know what I like to do. So what do you think my next job will be? Communication Executives? Or telephone operator? Or a clark? Marketing Officer? Customer Service? Hotel Management? Bwahahahaha... most probably I'll still be sitting in front of the computer doing programming! (=_=)'''

The Possible One

Is he the one? A question I have been asking myself many times over the years. Somehow I managed to tell myself that maybe it's just my wishful thinking that he is gay and that he will like me. Or it's stupid to even think about there's a chance between us. Anyway, he's one of the few good men in my life.

Tell me you want me.

And I was shocked when I heard someone said that he is actually into guys. And that he love to watch handsome men more than pretty women! Gosh, really?! Is that person joking?! Part of me glad to have heard that; Another part of me actually pour myself a cold water and said :" Cheh! So what?! That doesn't prove or confirm that he is gay and even if he is, you are not even sure if you are his type!"

Oh well, it's true. But a man at his age still single and available, pretty good-looking and kind-hearted and well-mannered and soft-spoken and down-to-earth and thoughtful and health-conscious and... Oops, did I just mention all his good attributes and great personality?! And I haven't seen him in any relationship since the day I know him. I heard he had been in a relationship once, with a girl, I presumed. And that the relationship ended in a pretty depressing way. Well, I don't know the detail. And not sure if I need to know about it. :p

However, I was asked to go out for a movie by a friend and he was invited as well. So we, a bunch of guys and gals braved ourselves to Pavilion to catch the movie - Mamma Mia! Well, before the movie we went for dinner first, of course! And he was sitting beside me. :p Nothing interesting happened, but I was just glad that he was sitting beside me. :p And then when it's time for the movie, we went into the cinema. And yes, again, he was sitting beside me. Yes, again! :p

Wish he would be with me everyday!

And you bet through out the movie I could not really focus on the movie screen. Not because the movie isn't nice, but I just couldn't help to check out his reaction towards the movie from scene to scene. Oh, and we did exchange our thoughts a few times through-out the movie.

The possible One : Pierce Brosnan's body is out of shape!
Me : Yeah, pretty obvious, huh?!
The possible One : Meryl Streep can really sing!
Me : Yeap, and Pierce Brosnan and the young leading actor are not as good as her in singing.
The possible One : I think I remember the 'dad' from some other movie, which movie again?!
Me : I am not sure. I only familiar with Pierce Brosnan and Collin Firth.

And yeah, on and off, we sang along when the movie was playing the familiar songs we've heard when we were young.

I don't know. I would be lying if I said I have no feelings for him. I'll definitely say yes if he ever asked me out. But I can't see how it will be if we were together. And from how much I know about him, I don't think he is looking for a companion like me. And you know, sometime it is better for two persons to remain just friends. Perhaps perhaps perhaps...

If you're not the one, then...

"I have a dream...a song to sing..."

Emo-Guy

I am such an emo-guy. As in emotional? Yeah, I still am. Happy for now and the next minute, I can be all sorrowful. Give me another few minutes I might just wipe my tears away and start finding the reasons for me to laugh out loud again.


Oh, and yes I don't really hide my feelings. All of them will be displayed on my face whether I want it or not. You will know when I am really happy. Yes, written on my face. Sad, not enough sleep, exhausted, pissed-off, excited... yes you can read them all from my face. Ok, maybe that only happen to my close friends.

I am, most of the time smiling when I meet my customers. Note that I said, most of the time, because sometime, I couldn't help but give some of those bitchy customers an evil stare. Sometime I am not sure if my fake smile was so real that the customers actually thought I was really smiling and happy to receive or accept their unreasonable requirement and non-sense comments.

Ah... I don't know. Maybe I have multiple personalities? Who knows?

Or was it all because I am gay? Maybe gay man is a little bit more sensitive and emotional compare to others. We have to go through certain event that some others didn't have to. So we tends to be emotional and 'imbalance' a bit? Err... Maybe only me. :p


But one thing I noticed though. I don't get the chance to be all emotional as I was so busy with works these days. The only feelings I have is busy busy busy... tired tired tired... and you don't get to show your emotion to your boss. My colleagues? They said I am always tired. Yes, so tired to be happy, sad, excited or whatever it is. So I'm like a emotionless zombie to them.

Only on this fine Monday that I got to be myself and really do what I want without even thinking about work. Why? Because I took leave! :p

And I got emotional again. Not in a bad way. Watch some dramas and cry a bit. Watch some truly amazing performance and found tears in my eyes as I was so touched by their sincerity and amazing performance. Crazy and weird, I know! :p Then later in the evening I watch "The Nanny". Some old and hilarious British comedy and I laugh like a bitch. The Nanny is just so freaking funny and I love her unique laughter! Ahahahaha.... if you know what I mean.

Guess what, I just finished download the latest episode of Brothers and Sisters, I'm sure I'll go "Aww... that's so sweet!" or something similar while watching the show and hugging my favourite pillow in my bed.