I have this fear of being famous and popular. Thanks to my childhood which taught me well the disadvantages of being popular. That you won't have personal life, that you will be judged, that you will be expected to be someone you don't want to be, that you'll not be living the life you want to be... yes basically that's life of a celebrity.
Having said that, I think I did a very obvious mistake last Friday during our company dinner. Being chosen to be in charge for the entertainment section, I was responsible to plan and manage the performance to entertain the staff! Ah, well... I think I am good at it. And I think most gay people are good at this. We are more artistic, more spontaneous, more creative, more eager to perform... ah well, we're more FABULOUS!
Well, given a whole bunch of straight guys under me who doesn't like performing, it was a total disaster truly. Even a small simple dance move could make them laughing till rolling on the floor. I don't understand what's so hilarious about it. Obviously they find it funny because they're doing the wrong way. That's why it looks funny. But I don't understand why they don't try to do it right instead of laughing and laughing as if they would do it right after that. In the end, they just gave up and request not to dance.
Being a democratic leader, I tried to tolerate and compromise whenever possible. But that didn't turn out right. They somehow find that the performance was dull boring and un-entertaining. Duh! They can't even do a simple move, what do they expect the audience to see? I would expect a Boo! from the audience. And when I asked if there's any suggestion or opinion to improve, everyone kept quiet. Thus the post Cowards! was posted.
So last week, I just didn't care anymore. I re-arranged the whole thing and become the Qin Huang Di. My words become orders which were unquestionable. I basically forced everyone to do whatever I wanted them to do. Since they don't have opinion, my opinions become the decision. And even though they have this "what the f**k?" look on their face, I still managed to make them dance and sing as if they're professional dancer or singer.
On last Friday night, all of us brought ourselves up to the stage and perform the best of us. Of course, being the only person who dare to act, sing and dance, I basically did the lead. Amazingly, I managed to bring out their hidden talents and some of them could really act. Some others can sing too. They basically perform their best on that night. And it was a successful performance I would say. Everyone was happy!
Of course, having put on a good show, now we are popular, especially me as I was the director, script writer, dance choreographer... etc. I should be proud actually. But another part of me actually worry about being popular and famous. I don't really enjoy the celebrity kind of lifestyle anymore. People will start to expect more from you. That's what I hate about it. And more task will be given to you because you're 'capable'. Not that I try to avoid being given a job or task. But those lazy people will get a chance to play tai-chi again and try to push all those tedious works right to your side.
Another thing about being popular is that you're constantly being watched! And even a small little mistake you made will become something big. Scandalous! Yucks! So I really prefer to be normal.
Well, what's done is done. I constantly remind myself that somehow this glorious moment will fade in time. And I really hope it will be a past soon. I really enjoy my normal life before this. Can't imagine what it will be tomorrow when I get back to work.