This is not the first time I attended my best friend's wedding. I still remember how helpless and despair I was to find out that one of my best friend who I kind of like announced to me that he's gonna get married. If you could remember, he was one of the three brothers I was talking about in my recent post. I still remember I had to pretend I was happy for them and attended their wedding ceremony with that fake smile I wore on my face wishing them all the best. Well, even the smile was fake, but the wishes are sincere. What could I do? He's straight.
Well, as for today, this friend of mine is a lady. So, I am truly happy for her. I don't really know her husband. From what I could see just now, they're a lovely couple. And she's been a good friend of mine.
I think all us gay men share this concern on our marriage. Whether or not we are going to get married in our life? This questions have been popping up in my mind once in a while and I really do not have an answer till now. Sometimes I thought it is ok to not get married. I can live well on my own. I don't even have a boyfriend yet to start talking about that issue. Sometime I thought we should get married no matter what. No one can live alone Especially when we gets older, we'll need a companion.
And this will lead to another question like whether I will get a husband? Or my parents will force me to marry a lady that I don't really like? Thinking about match-making and blind dates make me sick! Obviously my parents are waiting to see my another half. Even a phone call receive at night, my mom will ask me who it was and whether is a he or a she. I always answered :"Just a normal guy friend!"
Seriously at this age, I found all my friends are having their partners already and getting married soon. Although I know that it is normal for some people to not have a boy/girlfriend yet, the peer pressure really exist and I can't help but to think of various answers for those questions of why I am still single.
They'll never know how I long to have that Mr. Right who I could hold hand with, knowing that each time I look into his eyes, he will smile and tell me that he loves me for who I am, and that he'll be there whenever I need him. Waking up having someone to kiss on the forehead, or sleeping in a strong arms like a baby being pampered... I could keep on imagining and dreaming... at least, that's what I can do.
Reality can be harsh. I know. I have faith. I still believe I will meet my Prince Charming someday. As long as I never give up. :D
"I still believe... someday you and me... will find ourselves... in love again..."