Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Cry alone

I was in my office the other trying to stay awake after lunch hour. I was very sleepy. Staring at the monitor and listen to loud music didn't help. I kept dozing-off and waking up which my colleagues around me must had thought I started 'Pancing Ikan Besar' (Fishing) again.

And then suddenly the gtalk message window popped up. Ahhh.... somebody came up and save my day. Yes, I need somebody to talk to, to keep myself awake. It was my colleague who is currently working in another country. Yeah, she was sent to other country to do on-site support. We started chatting normal stuff like what's the latest news and crap a bit. Suddenly she told me that she's not in a good mood lately.

I'm not in a good mood lately.

And then, of course I asked her why, what happened etc. She said she didn't really know what's wrong. Perhaps it was the workloads which were over-whelming had stressed her up. Perhaps the relationship between colleagues there wasn't as good as it used to be. Perhaps it was the stomach-ache she got lately had bothered her. And she told me that everybody there was busy with their own works. There's no one she could to talk to.

Learning to be a good listener. I paid attention to her every problems, every gripes. Give my opinion and advise whenever they seem appropriate. And suddenly she told me that, there was a night, when she was all alone, and she felt helpless, missing home, and she started to cry.

My heart sank into the deep valley.

I knew that feeling. I experienced that. I was all alone. Darkness. Sadness. Miseries. And then suddenly all the negativities surrounded you and you have no where to run or hide. All the bad things that had happened to you will then re-played in your mind. And there's no one else you could hold on to, and you just feel like crying is the best thing to do then. Even though I know it doesn't help solving the problems, I just freaking cried it out like a baby. Screaming my heart out helplessly and trust me, it's very pathetic!

So how are you feeling now? Everything OK?

I kept on listening to her 'stories'. And I am glad at the end she felt better. They (my colleagues in another country) are coming back this weekend to re-new their working permit. I can't wait to meet everyone of them. Some of them have been, and still are my good friends. Somehow I understand it's not easy to be far from home. When life treated you not-so-kindly, you'll need a friend, or someone, to hold on to. I worry about them sometime. Not that they couldn't survive out there. But sometime knowing that some of them have to go through the darkness, being alone and cry alone... it breaks my heart.

Now that they're coming back. I can't hardly wait. To give them hugs. To put smiles on their faces. To let them know that they have friends. And to let them always know that life is full of hopes.

Are you coming back home?

Being at home. I am thankful.


Janvier said...

We've been there not too long back - and it's...liberating. That we could just break down if only for a while. It was either we bend or we break.

And after that, put back on the armour we've built up over the years, and face the world once more.

Queer Ranter said...

We all need to cry alone sometimes.

Legolas said...

Hmmm. I'm going abroad very soon. I hope things will be okay.

Jason said...

That's what I'm facing all these times since moved to KL. But somehow, I did not cry. Unable to cry.

Ah-Bong said...

awww... hugs and lots of virtual hugs...

coolgardy said...

Sometimes crying does helps, but dont' always put yourself into that self-pity mode! Pull youself up from it and move on when you know it...just my 2 cents.