'Mature' Thinking

I have problem hanging around with my peers, especially those around my age.

Am I too old?

Not that they're weird or behave like a nerd or what-so-ever. But I just don't enjoy hanging around with them. Like what I mentioned in my previous post, I don't find the topics they're discussing about interesting or amusing. Maybe we just do not share the same interest. Or is it because I am gay and I tend to have different interest compare to those "normal" straight people.

Nah! That's not true actually!

Actually, I am more mature in thinking compare to those people around my age. OK, this is not a self-claimed thing. Even my sister agree with that. Since young, I always mixed around with people few years older than me. I enjoy chit-chatting with older person. I feel comfortable talking with them. It makes me feel I am more mature and the topics we discussed are more deep or profound.

After a few years, I thought it was the inner me who were trying to be mature. You know, like young kid, always dream of being adult sooner. But I soon found out that it is not the case. I actually think further. I am more sensitive perhaps. Or maybe perhaps I read more than my peers. I heard that reading a lot help you see more, feel more and understand more. I don't know what is the actually cause of this, but I always feel more 'me' when hanging around with older people.

Does reading more makes you older?

When having gathering with my peers, I will have to pretend. Pretend that I am interest in whatever they're talking about. And at times, I really feel like a nanny who trying to understand the kid he/she is taking care of. And it can be tiring. Hmmm... perhaps that's the reason why I always absent for classmates gathering. Luckily I always manage to come up with 'brilliant' excuses to decline their sincerely kind invitation. Not that I hate them or what, but I always have something better or meaningful things to attend to.

However, sometime I wish I am like them. It seems that they're happier. They don't really think much. They just enjoy whatever they have and doing crazy things that I used to do. Gosh, it makes me feel old. I feel like I am moving too fast. People around my age are not that depressing. Or at least that's what I think.

I am still fresh and young in my heart.

However, just to console myself, I may have taste the bitterness of life a little faster than the people around my ages, but I also taste the sweetness of life faster. I experienced more and I understand the world, the meaning of life better and faster. Not so sure if this is still a good thing ot bad thing. While looking at them enjoying whatever I had once enjoyed, perhaps I could join them again once a while to cherish the memories I used to have.