Sunday, July 01, 2007

'Mature' Thinking

I have problem hanging around with my peers, especially those around my age.

Am I too old?

Not that they're weird or behave like a nerd or what-so-ever. But I just don't enjoy hanging around with them. Like what I mentioned in my previous post, I don't find the topics they're discussing about interesting or amusing. Maybe we just do not share the same interest. Or is it because I am gay and I tend to have different interest compare to those "normal" straight people.

Nah! That's not true actually!

Actually, I am more mature in thinking compare to those people around my age. OK, this is not a self-claimed thing. Even my sister agree with that. Since young, I always mixed around with people few years older than me. I enjoy chit-chatting with older person. I feel comfortable talking with them. It makes me feel I am more mature and the topics we discussed are more deep or profound.

After a few years, I thought it was the inner me who were trying to be mature. You know, like young kid, always dream of being adult sooner. But I soon found out that it is not the case. I actually think further. I am more sensitive perhaps. Or maybe perhaps I read more than my peers. I heard that reading a lot help you see more, feel more and understand more. I don't know what is the actually cause of this, but I always feel more 'me' when hanging around with older people.

Does reading more makes you older?

When having gathering with my peers, I will have to pretend. Pretend that I am interest in whatever they're talking about. And at times, I really feel like a nanny who trying to understand the kid he/she is taking care of. And it can be tiring. Hmmm... perhaps that's the reason why I always absent for classmates gathering. Luckily I always manage to come up with 'brilliant' excuses to decline their sincerely kind invitation. Not that I hate them or what, but I always have something better or meaningful things to attend to.

However, sometime I wish I am like them. It seems that they're happier. They don't really think much. They just enjoy whatever they have and doing crazy things that I used to do. Gosh, it makes me feel old. I feel like I am moving too fast. People around my age are not that depressing. Or at least that's what I think.

I am still fresh and young in my heart.

However, just to console myself, I may have taste the bitterness of life a little faster than the people around my ages, but I also taste the sweetness of life faster. I experienced more and I understand the world, the meaning of life better and faster. Not so sure if this is still a good thing ot bad thing. While looking at them enjoying whatever I had once enjoyed, perhaps I could join them again once a while to cherish the memories I used to have.

5 comments:

Calvin said...

Reading doesn't make you older. Hehehe... It makes you WISER!!! I love reading too. What type of books you read and what are you reading currently?

Ryan said...

Any type of books. Mostly fiction novel. Currently reading 'The Kite Runner' by Khaled Husseini.

Calvin said...

Oh my God! The Kite Runner is the best!!! I cried to it. After you've finished, you'll feel there's no other book that could match up with this one.

Seriously. I've recommended this to all my friends and colleagues and they all love it. Do tell me what you think after you have finished.

By the way, this his first novel. His second one just released last week entitled "A Thousand Splendid Suns" I can't wait to get hold of it. Hehehe...

If you want some recommendation on good novels, you can see it at the sidebar of my blog where I've typed out few books that are really good.

coolgardy said...

As for me, I always attract younger guys and I guess one of the reasons why I'm a magnet to them is that I'm sincere in what I want to tell them and share with them, no expectations. Also, I find younger guys perspective in life is also a breath of fresh air, it helps me understand more of the other side.

Having said that, you must cherish your age at the moment, the things u will experience and undergo, will all mould you to be a better person, have faith in yourself and remember, God did not create failures...

Ryan said...

To Calvin,
OK, I'll let you know what I thought about the book when I am done with it (which will take another few weeks!) I hardly have time to read these days.

To Coolgardy,
I am enjoying life as much as I can. And I should and I will. You too! :D