I don't know if other people have this fear that I am having, but I always trying to avoid being close to other people in public. Even walking on the street, if I see there is a person walking towards my direction, I would try to walk away and make sure that there are a big space between us.
The situation was even worse when I was having my depression. I would be very frustrated when I walked on the crowded street fearing that I might have accidentally touched somebody especially female and they would accuse me of trying to harass them in public. Yeah, I was a paranoid! Not to mention in the LRT or KTM. If the train was crowded, I would not get on board because skin-to-skin contact is unavoidable.
Well, there are a few reasons why I was trying to keep my distance from others. First and foremost is that I always think that I am more hygienic. And that the other people will have bacterias and germs that would have transferred to me (whether on my shirts, arms or whichever body parts of mine that might have come to contact with other people). And I'd feel very "yucks!" about it each time I think about it. Besides that, the 'holder' provided in the train seems to be very dirty too. Especially during after working hours, when all the people have their hands full of sweat, bacterias and germs. And I have to squeeze with them in the train. The sweat, the smell... Yucks! Gosh, someone help me please!
Another reason would be... trying to avoid harassing people or being harassed. Ahahaha... I know this sound crazy but sometimes when they are people too close around me, especially female, I would be very anxious. I scared that I might be accidentally touch the wrong things. You knows girls nowadays could be really scary. They might just yell! Gosh, that would be a scene I definitely trying to avoid! Imagine being in the crowded train, I would choose somewhere around guys. Ain't gonna have a female boobs or butts being pressed against any part of my body! No way!
I don't mind being squeezed with hunky stud. Better still if my crush were there and our body were pressed against each other... chest to chest, abs to abs, thighs to thighs... And we couldn't help but to look at each other... and we kissed... OK!OK! Sorry, my imagination is playing its tricks again.
Anyway, sometime even being squeezed with some guys also not that comfortable. Some guys are just so unhygienic. And some of them could really sweat as if they were just caught in the rain. And the smell... gosh! *fainted*
So, I think I really need to buy a car so I don't need to squeezed in the train. Sigh... no money no talk!