Worried-some

For this whole day I was worry over something that is out of my control.

What if that happened?! Damned, I was so worry!

I was at a client site this morning, while scrolling the mouse trying to find something important in the server, I thought I might have accidentally dragged a file or folder to another place. Panic, I quickly undo the action. But it ended up popping out a warning message of deleting a text file. Shit! I must not delete anything from the server! So I clicked the 'No' button. I was confused! I thought I have move file or folder to a different location?! How come it ended up delete a file when I try to undo?!

Since I have something more important to do, I thought I should settle up my task first. So ignoring that part, I continue to do my work and left the site. On my way back, the guiltiness ate me up from inside. What if I have really move some important folder to another location? What if I've caused problem to the whole system? What if other application in that server can no longer function as usual? What if the whole server crash after a few days? Many of these kind of questions attacking me in my head while I speechlessly hope that all of that consequences will not happened. And I kept consoling myself that they're just my imagination.

Stay calm. That's just my imagination!

Got back to my office, I quickly make a few experiments with my own computer. Dragging a few folders and move to different location and try to undo the action and see what it will be like. And guess what I have found, if you move a folder to another location within the same drive, the folder will be moved to the new location. When you try to undo, the folder will be moved back to the original location. However, if you have move a folder from one drive to another drive (such as dragging a folder from drive C to drive D), then the folder will be copied to the new location instead of move. So when you try to undo, the folder will be deleted from the new location (thus the window will prompt you to confirm if you want to delete the folder from the new location). From this experiment, I guess I must have dragged the file from one drive to another drive, that's why when I try to undo, window prompt me a message to confirm if I want to delete the file.

Having that conclusion didn't really comfort my already anxious heart and soul. I kept on worrying over something that might happened. Thousands and millions of "what if" like the arrows coming from everywhere shooting towards my direction. And I wish I could just cast them away with just a wave of my hand.

Knowing that I was being over-worried, I need to argue and debate with the inner-self. Constantly convince myself that nothing will go wrong. Even if something wrong, there'll be solution for every problem and that I should stay calm and stop worrying. Of course, say a little prayers did help to clam myself down. Now who said praying is stupid?! It somehow comfort me and I could felt the inner peace. Perhaps it's because I have something to hold on to.

Praying that nothing will go wrong.

And this all reminds me of my depression not so long ago. Yes, I got anxious very easily. I was over-worried and being very pessimist. One minor error will stressed me up like there'll be no tomorrow. Eventually I lost my common sense and act very weirdly. And that led to more mistakes and errors. Consequently, I felt myself doing nothing right and blame myself for every wrongs I've done.

And today, I found myself acting a little stronger. At least I managed to cast away the negativities. At least I stayed calm and didn't do something stupid to cause more problems to myself. At least I managed to convince myself to be strong even if there's anything happened in the end. After all, I managed to stop myself for making negative assumptions.

Assume is the 'ass' of 'u' and 'me'!

And so I've learned, don't make stupid assumption. And don't worry over thing which is out of your control. Because in the end, you might only hurt yourself for nothing.