Who's The Boss?

I've been working quite closely with my boss lately. Yes, quite closely. Closely.

Come closer!

Alright, not that close. But instead of just regularly check up and getting updates on what I have been doing, he asked me out... to attend a meeting with customer. Actually not only one, but a few meeting. I guess that must be something about my promotion recently. That I have to involve in the higher level of working environment. No longer the boring programmer who sat whole in the office dancing his fingers on the static keyboard. But to do some paper works as well. Writing formal emails, getting user requirement and stuff. Not that I haven't been doing that, but everything have to be more formal. Imagine email with bombastic signature?!

Climbing the ladder up up up!

Anyway, and so I thought I finally got the chance to escape the hellish world of programming or coding and fly higher into the heaven of no need to work like a cheap labour. But wait a minute, I guess I was wrong. Not only do I still have to do what I have been doing, I now also need to do extra works to help drafting out quotation, documenting, writing emails for confirmation of requirement, attending stupid and boring meetings and etc.

Yesterday I attended a meeting. And it was a three hours meeting!! Goodness, I think I sat in that chair until my bubble butt gone flat! Dammit! I thought my ass is the greatest asset! Anyway, despite the meeting start with the boring routine greeting and robotic discussion, later an interesting "auntie-like" lady joined the meeting who very much lighten up the dull meeting. This "auntie" was hilarious! I have to call her auntie because even though she is young, she behave and talk like auntie. Talk very fast yet nobody understand her. And the best part is she speak lousy english. Can't even pronounce properly a simple word like 'run'.

Don't speak!

Auntie-like lady : So I espek (expect) evlilan (everyone) to be lady (ready) by this week lo.
Chair-woman : (Frowning while listening attentively)
Auntie-like lady : And then we will lan(run) the ploglem(program) lo hor. If got ploblem(problem) we can stlet(straight)-away find people solve lo.
Member : huh?! What program?
Auntie-like lady : To estlek(extract) the data out ma. To put into ploduction (production). From development server to ploduction(production) server. If no one there how? So evilan(everyone) must lady(ready) la!

"Anyone lan(run) his hands over my body?!"

Seriously, everyone was frowning and disturbed. No offense, though. Her lousy english is still acceptable, but her bitchy way of talking, sorry la. I have to keep my distance from her. She would be the last person want to work with.

Another thing that really scares me about meeting was that you have to make decision there and then. My boss tends to throw me questions in the meeting as if testing my business knowledge and technical knowledge. And I have to come up with the right answer. Worse still, when he's trying to explain things to the customers, he tends to look at me to double check if whatever he explained to the customers are correct. And I have to keep nodding my head in agreement or finding a right way to correct him if he's mistaken something. Not that he is unsure. But technically I know the detail better than him. After all I am working on the system all these while and he's been involve in so many other projects.

Well, attending meeting is still OK. The worse part was after the meeting. I will have to remember what was discussed in the meeting and list out all the things that we should do. Well, I don't need to write the minutes, but to list down all the things that need to be done is more than enough to stress me up. Some clarification need to be made, and then have to follow up and get confirmation from the customers and bla bla bla... never easy.

Still have to work...

It was just yesterday that I attended a meeting. And today I received an email from the boss to come along with him to attend another meeting tomorrow morning! Well, he's the boss!

Checked, But Still Unsure 2 - The Sexless Man's Fear

Two weeks ago I went for a full body check. I thought I should, since the last time I have my body checked was two years ago.

Hmm... time to check.

I don't know if this happen to everyone or just me, but I was kinda worry and in fear to have my body checked wondering if I would have any deadly disease. To hell with high blood pressure or diabetes. Those seems to be nothing but some "normal" sickness everyone can get nowadays. Pessimistic, I know. But really, with cancers and AIDS and HIVs and STDs haunting me every now and then, it's like a judgment day when I went for my full body check-up.

In fact, having the doctor pulling a needles and inject into my arms to suck out my blood was not that horrible. Just a small little pain and it went away just a few seconds. What's more horrible was days after that... those days that we have to wait for the result. The waiting. Yes, the uncertainties... the what-ifs and maybes... haunting me nights and days.

Thanks to my working life which kept me busy all days. And I was so exhausted that most of the time I went home late and too tired to think about anything but to have a good night sleep. So when days passed by, I kinda forget. Not until yesterday when my mom told me that the check-up result report was sent to home. It somehow triggered the fear within me and the only thing I wanna do is to check the report!

Am I clean?

So I was home and have my report in hand. Gone through it. To my relieved, I am a healthy man! It seems that every items in the report indicate that I am in good shape and have nothing to worry. No high blood pressure, no bad cholesterol, good immune system and everything is just perfect. And then I realize one thing, the report did not have any report on the HIVs. Great! No HIV testing?! The most notorious and deadly virus on earth? No test on that?! I was quite pissed off! How can they not have that tested?

And so I wonder, isn't that a compulsory item in a full body check up? Or it very much depend on what kinda of full body check-up package you requested? Scary or not, I have to get myself tested on that. Not only because the naughty deeds I did few years back (and remained pathetically sex-less life after that till now), but also the possibility of getting the viruses anywhere like the toilet... sauna or steam room at the gym... unhygienic food... scary! Really! After all, I am a paranoia!

Oooh... I was naughty at time!

And so I was checked. But still unsure. Guess I'll have to have another round of test. Well, I need to have a peace of mind. So have you have yourself checked? Better do!

Queen Forever

I was tormented after watching the movie Elizabeth : The Golden Age. Not only because I hate Sir Walter (Clive Owen), the stupid pervertic and disloyal servant who seduced the queen yet made love with Besse ( the queen's most-trusted person), I was also suffocated with the idea of becoming the queen holding great responsibility and many many scarification that she needs to make. At the end of the movie, I almost find myself hard to breath, even though the director managed to show us how noble the queen is.

Men or women would fall on their knees...

Well, it took awhile for me to calm myself down and to acknowledge that it's just a movie.

To really think about it, I can pretty much relate myself to the queen. Of course I am not holding great responsibility as she was. But certainly, growing up with more responsibilities being put on your shoulder, I could already feel the tense and burden that I have to carry from now onwards. And about love life, it's like almost impossible for the queen. Even though she really likes someone, she still needs to keep up her dignity and not to fall too deeply in love. Secretly, she fantasize about dancing with the man she loves. And me, as a gay man, is having exactly the same problem. No wonder, we people are called the queen, sometime.

Already a queen.

It's sad really. No matter how noble the queen can be, whatever mighty freedom she possess, I don't think I want to be like her. Life's already hard enough. But I already can see my life is almost like a queen. I'm gonna be single, childlesss... who will serve only the country... and forever a queen.

Random Hotness!

Tell me who's that hot hunk doing Mariah's hair?



Those arms... that chest... that bulge... Now you tell me, how can I not have dirty mind?

"You're Very Lucky!"

I thought I would be smart enough to not fall into the entrapment. But I, once again, been fooled! Call me stupid, I have to nod my head in agreement.

Why am I that stupid?!

It happened when I tried to cross the road when I was on my way to KLCC. Then I heard someone said :"You're really lucky!" Not sure if the person who said that was actually saying it to me, I turned around and saw this big-sized man who look friendly and decent. Well, he speaks good english and didn't seem harmful or unkind. And he was walking towards me when he saw me turned my head to look at him.

Pretty sure he was not trying to pick me up with flattery pick-up lines, I was actually more curious about why he said :"You're very lucky!" to me (well, by then I was sure he was saying that to me). So he started talking to me.

Big-Sized Man : Hi Sir! You're very lucky, man! By next month, you will have three happiness!
Me : (Smile) Why is that so?
Big-Sized Man : Well, even though you're frowning just now which pretty much show that you're having some problems or troubles now, I'm sure they'll all be gone by next month and you will get three happiness.
Me : Oh well, thanks then!
Big-Sized Man : Come, let me show you something. (Took out a small paper and a pen, writing down while he was saying) . In year 2006, 2007 and 2008 were not so good for you. But next month April, you know April, right? You will get three happiness.
Me : Yes, I know April.

I am your happiness!

He then passed me the paper with his writing about 2007 and 2008 bla bla bla... squeezed it and put into my hand. Then he took out another paper and asked me.

Big-Sized Man : Tell me, what's your favourite flower. Any flower.
Me : Err... ok, how about rose?
Big-Sized Man : OK, of all the flower you chose rose. Meaning you will get love. It's either love for God, for family or your loved one. (He then wrote 'rose' on the new piece of paper he had in his hand.
Big-Sized Man : OK, try to blow the piece of paper in your hand.
Me : OK. (Feeling weird, I still did as I was told)
Big-Sized Man : OK, open up and see.

Surprisingly, the piece of paper in my hand no longer has any words except 'rose'. He then brought out a small bag.

Big-Sized Man : Now with a happy heart, please put some money into the bag. Big money, please!

Feeling cheated, I don't think I would ever reject his request by then but I thought, well, at least he deserve some money for the trick he did. Beside, I was a little impressed by the trick. So I took out RM10 which I thought was a pretty "BIG MONEY" for him. After putting the ten ringgit note in the bag, he actually requested for more.

Now that really pissed me off. However, since I didn't want to get into any trouble (as he is really big-sized), I pulled out another RM 5 from my wallet. By then he saw there was still some RM 10 in my wallet and he actually requested me to give him more 10 ringgit notes instead. That's too much. I straight-away said I can't give him that much. So he accepted another RM 5 for me. As quickly as possible, he disappeared leaving me standing there still feeling stupid and foolish.

Just like that, I stupidly gave away RM15 to a total stranger for a little stupid trick he did for me.

Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!

And then I thought about what he said :"You're very lucky!".

Lucky my ass! For some moment I'm really pissed. Then I told myself maybe I owed him that RM15 in my previous life and it's time for me to repay. If that's not the case, I cursed him will lost RM15,0000000..... to me! Yes, I am that fucking evil. Who said I am kind?!

Checked, But Still Unsure

One of the jobs that I am very weak at is doing checking - Checking data, especially.

Check me out, instead!

Having data spreading all over the spreadsheet, want me to check the correctness of the data record by record, that is killing me!And it's not like 1 or 2 records, nor 100 or 200 records. They are 100,000++ records!!! Want me to check line by line (record by record) is fucking-obviously impossible. So I need to use SQL statement (some database language) to instruct the computer to check for me.

However, computer is stupid. (Oops, I just said that!) Yes, it is so stupid that they most of the time are not intelligent to interpret our instruction correctly. Missed out one line of instruction and you will get some other unwanted result. Damn, you will need to verify again your own instruction, amend it and instruct the computer to do the thing you want it to do again.

Do as I said or I'll do you good!

Even though computer does help me to check and filter out those invalid data, I am still not confident that all those invalid data are filtered out. I will need to do some random checking again to ensure the best result. Again, having 100,000++ records of data, I think having error is almost inescapable. That's what I hate. You know, boss expect 100% clean data. And even though I check over and over again, I can never be sure that some invalid data here or there, or I missed checking out this part or that part. That's always a trap!

Being a perfectionist, it really stressed me out to have to check the thousands of data over and over again. It's a very tedious job, really! Each time an error was found, I feel like being stabbed right into the heart instantly. It's even worse when you think that everything is ok, delivered the "clean data" to customer, but then the output was rejected by them due to some missed checking. In that case, not only a few tight slaps at the face, the evil questioning stare from the boss would have sent a damned cold shiver to my spine, and I would be looking for any possible hole to hide in.

Let it go...

Anyway, I have tried my best. Am I sure everything has been checked with no mistake? No! To hell if there's still mistake or error. I have to admit I'm no perfect. Damn, even the computer is stupid!

Bursting Volcano

Looking into the mirror this morning when I went into the gent washing my hand after "paying water bill". I was shocked to find out that my face is full with pimples! Instead of making me more youthful or rugged, they make me so much uglier! Urgh! Hate it!

I'm more than just a pretty face!

I can blame no one, but myself. Been eating a lot of hot stuff these days. Yes, nasi lemak almost everyday for breakfast, lunch with chillies, dinner at the mamak stalls. It's predictable that my body is burning in heat with those hot stuff. Eventually these "hotness" need to find a way out. And they obviously choose to come out from my face! So face is full with volcano which might burst anytime.

Not only my diet cause me with so much facial problem. My lack of sleep and the level of stress also contribute a lot in creating more volcano on my face. Not sure if the testosterone actually play any role in causing the volcano to burst. But I doubt so. Because my hands are naughty. Always play around with the pimples and sometime even pinch them to make them burst. I know I shouldn't do that, but as I said, my hands are naughty.

Sexy Face!

No use using expensive branded facial foam, scrub, toner or moisturizer. My face is a total disaster now. I think I should ban myself from taking chillies and fried food. Perhaps taking only bread for breakfast and mixed vegetables with rice for lunch and soup with noodle for dinner. That would certainly help, I guess. Of course, lots of fruits and water will help too. Gosh, I can't even remember the last time I ate fruit. Hmmm... must be one of the reason.

Still looking good!

I should start take care of my face. Ain't gonna scare my customers away with my face full with bursting volcano.

Still Single

Been obsessed with Mariah's songs again since she released her latest single "Touch My Body" with that sexy and hilarious music video that I could watch it over and over again without feeling bored or sick of it. I can't even help but to sing along "Touch my body, put me on the floor, wrestle me around, play with me some more..."

Play with me some more.

Anyway, I was there in the new house of some relative. She was having house warming. Yes, not a very close relative. A relative who relate to my mother. I think is my mom's cousin. Well, not that I really care. I was just there to be there as a family.

Thank goodness some relatives I know were there. At least I could talk to someone familiar instead of being stared by the others as if I am an alien from Mars. However, the thing that annoyed me was someone pop that question again!

Cousin : So, you don't plan to have any girlfriend, do you?
Me : Yeah, guess I'll end up alone for the rest of my life.
Cousin : But you're good-looking. Shouldn't be any problem to have a girl-friend!
Me : Well, that's the problem! I have too many girl-friends. And I am being very choosy.
Cousin : Come on. Just pick one!
Me : I'll see if I can really do that! But I am thinking about picking up a guy. More challenging, I guess! LOL...
Cousin : ...

Be my boyfriend, will ya?!

Seriously, I thought I'd escaped from those question after Chinese New Year. But now it seem that even normal event, I will be thrown with that "Why are you still single?" question.

The funny thing is that, I also noticed that sometime when I see my old friends from school, I would ask them the same question too. Whether or not they have a partner. If not, why are they still single et cetera. Although some of the answers are expected, I just nonchalantly ask them as if it's a norm. Most of us certainly do think that when a human reached certain age, we should have a partner and ready to start a family.

But the sad thing is I guess I've reached that age and still remain single. Does that make me a loser? A failure? Or weird? I don't know. But that certainly makes people wonder.

So what I'm single?! Shut up and fuck off!

I have been thinking to really find a boyfriend. But that sound so pathetic. Or even worse, sound so desperate. I always think that love will come when it should come. But it seem that to be among the straight men (and women) won't get me anywhere to really find "The One".

Oh don't tell me to find friends online. I don't trust internet. Putting profile on the net is so NOT what I wanna do. Even though I know the chance of getting to know people like us is SO MUCH higher with sites like Fridae, Axcest... you name it. But I am just not the type of person who is OUT AND LOUD. Being known as a homosexual to the world is the last thing I wanna do, at least for now.

Besides, most of them online were just desperate to look for sex or one night stand. No offense! Maybe you're not that kind of person. But I have tried and I think at least 80% of them who chatted with me on the net actually requested to have a one night stand or being a fuck buddy.

Wanna fuck?!

Not only that, I am still waiting for a chance to really know my crush before I really leave him behind and get into a relationship.You know, he's still the Mr. Perfect for me and I'm dying to get to know more about him. Unfortunately, I hardly use KTM these days to go home and have no luck to stumble upon him in the train station.

I guess that's love at first sight. Sadly, it's just me secretly admiring him not knowing even if he's into guys like me. But I am still waiting. Not sure waiting for what. Or maybe waiting for someone better? Or maybe a chance to finally know him more. Like he's a friend of my friend? And we're introduced by our friend to each other? Or maybe he just started talking to me out of nowhere? Pathetic, huh?! I know but I just can't help it. Or perhaps it's just an excuse for me to not fall in love? Or I'm just not ready.

Are you the one?

"I finally found somebody who could be the one... but I've promised myself that I won't give in to love... And I'm scared, and I'm nervous... don't wanna be hurt anymore.... this is bad ... 'cause I know that you're the one!" ~ The One by Mariah Carey

And always in the end, I would tell myself that it is not so bad to be single. At least I don't have so much commitment and that I can love myself fully. In fact, I don't even really know how to love somebody, for I've never been in a relationship before.

Mariah Carey - Touch My Body

Elegantly Sexy!

Been Touched By An Angel

It was the mixture feelings of shock, touched, warm and sweet. I was overwhelmed by his kindness. Almost grabbed him back and kissed him on the lips, and gently said:"Honey, that's really sweet! Thank you!"

That's sweet, honey! What can I do to repay your kindness?

I have been haunted by the busy-devil these days that suddenly, I am a workaholic. Working night and day, week-days and weekend too. Guess my wish of get back to work really do come true. How can I complain? I guess I am picking up the pace and work my way up to the restless working world. Gosh, I even found myself walk a little faster, eat a little quicker, talk a little louder and also got tired easier. Yes, I think it's due to lack of sleep. Anyway, I don't have to describe how works can keep us all busy. After all, I have had enough complaints and gripes over working life in this blog.

Somehow when you're busy, you tend to be unconscious about certain things. When there are too many things to be done, I will automatically set the priorities. Focus most on the most important thing, and basically neglect those small little stuff which can be nothing. It's funny sometimes I forget everything when there's too many things which are equally important. Come on, I am human made with flesh and blood. I am no robot.

I'm no robot!

So my boss assigned me a very tedious job recently which kept me really busy. Even during the weekend I have to bring back my work back home (because I hate to go out or get back to office during weekend), and trying to enjoy the weekend while working. Oh and I have to say, I regretted bringing back my works back home. Not only I can't enjoy the weekend at home, I couldn't finish my work too because I was too busy choosing whether to work or sleeping in my warm bed. And many more distraction with my computer around which is full of hunk photos and porn (oops, I just said that?!), or giga-bytes of drama series and movies to be enjoyed.

In the end, I could hardly complete my work. Realizing the next day is the due date, I then forcefully put myself into working mode shutting away my computer and other possible distraction and work until late at night, or should I say early next morning. With just a few hours sleeping time, I then have to wake up and go to work. And trust me, today is really a "MONDAY BLUE" for me!

Forget about work. Come play with me!

Thought I had finished my work and could enjoy the day in the office? Unfortunately, my boss wanted me to do some final checking right before the lunch time and he wanted it done right after lunch time because the customer needed it then. Oh great! Telling all my colleagues that I have to skip lunch, I having-no-choicely got myself back to work. One of my colleague offered to help buy me lunch and bring it back to office which I thankfully accepted his kind offer.

Staring at the monitor trying to work while feeling extremely blue, I could hardly focus. Thanks to my late night sleep and also skipping the breakfast this morning which kept my stomach empty. I know, it's so unhealthy! I even started to feel unmotivated and discouraged. Why do I have to work this hard? While griping about how unfair life can be and trying to get back my attention to work, suddenly he brought food and placed on my table. And in that moment of time, I saw a lot of things. And I was touched.

Oh my, that's extraordinary.

I thought he would buy a box of chicken rice or maybe nasi lemak. You know, those easy to get and buy kinda food. But no, he bought "ju cheong fun". Ok, I have no idea what it's called in english. And of course, all the food was cut into slices when you bought it and packed in a plastic bag. And he didn't just give me the food in plastic bag. He actually went to the pantry, got a bowl, washed it and poured the food into the bowl. After that, he also cleaned up a fork and brought it over together with the bowl to me.

For a few minutes I stared at the bowl and also the food inside it. How sweet that is! I picked up the fork and tried the food. You know what, it taste fucking great! I felt warm, I felt pampered. Suddenly the world isn't seem so blue. I even smiled a bit while eating the food and trying to work. And surprisingly, I got myself back into the mood to work again. And I started to enjoy eating the food and working. And right after lunch time, I finished the food and also completed my work. I submitted the work to my boss, grabbed the empty bowl and used fork back into the pantry and washed it.

Should I send him a flower to show my appreciation and gratitude?

You bet whenever I think about it, there's only warm and sweetness. I could never thank him enough. He's such a good and kind soul. Oh, about him? Just a colleague. :p

Get Real

I've got to write this down. I've just finished watching another episode of "Ugly Betty", and right at the end of the episode I was so happy for Betty that her article is gonna be published in a magazine (even though it is not MODE magazine).

However, in just a few second when the show ended and my video player stopped and shrank back into a smaller screen, suddenly all those excitement and happiness disappeared. It's like every emotion and feeling I have, ended with the show. And everything is back to normal. To be more serious, I feel empty. It's like everything gone. Hopes, laughters, sadness, disappointment all ended together with the show.

All gone.

And during that moment, I started to ponder. I love watching drama series. Letting the stories bring me up to the high and also down to the low. Sometime I cried, at time I laughed out so loud that I could already imagine my parents shook their heads outside thinking that I was crazy. And I am not sure if this is healthy? But I do love watching drama series.

No doubt they brought me some hopes and laughters which always makes me smile. The sad thing is I am just watching a drama series. All that had happened in the series might not be happening in the real life. But I can't say it won't happen. But it hurts sometime to realize that what you really want in life can only be seen in drama series and not your real life.

Those are not real, honey!

Sigh. Life can be harsh at times. As if I just know. I should know hot to get real after watching drama series.

Get Back To Work

I'm not sure if this happens to everyone, but I think I have reached, or perhaps I have had this period of time where life is boring and stagnant. Working life, I mean. Suddenly, it really has become a routine. Wake up, go to work, hardly work, come back from work, sleep and the whole thing repeat again. And again. Everyday.

That's boring!

Well, works are always there to be done and finished. But I think I am not enjoying what I am doing now. Or should I say, I don't have the motivation to start working. I always have excuses to not do what I need to do. Craps, I hate myself!

Whatever it is, I have to do something. Change. A revolution! Holiday season is finally, really, OVER! Now I need to warm myself up and work my ass off! Yeah, I need to work like there's no tomorrow! It's funny really that I kinda miss those days where I have a lot of works to do. Even though they kept me extremely busy, I remembered I enjoyed working and it was really satisfying when you got all your jobs done. You know, that kind of exhale, relieved with satisfactory. I miss that, seriously!

Where's the report we want?

Chinese New Year is coming to an end. So no more holiday mood for me. I don't know if this happens to me only or everyone else. Normally at this time, I would sense that there's no holiday anymore in the near future and we will be working like hell day and night, night and day, until we forgot what's the date or day today. We would be so busy that in a blink of an eye, suddenly it is Labour Day (1st May). It's funny for people like us (I mean those who are working. :p) always looking forward to the next holiday. After each holiday, we will look forward for the next one. Maybe comes up with plans or organize a trip or something for the next coming holiday. Well, for some people like me, I would rather stay home and sleep. :p

Anyway, I know I gotta start my engine now. Ain't gonna procrastinate again in the office. Not only it would do me no good, it will affect my increment in the coming future. I should find myself a lot more motivation to work. Push myself a lot more. I should think more about increment, about promotion, about bonuses. Damn, I am such a money-lover! No, to be more accurate, I am a slave to money! Well, who doesn't love money? Don't tell me money is not everything. I know that long time ago. But I am still crazy about having extra money! Shopping. Spa. KTV. Movies. Oooh... that's how I pamper myself. And I need money for that!

Busy earning money!

Now, take a deep breath... stand straight, chest up, butt up... and get back to work!

Searching For The Simplicity Of Life

Life has been getting more complicated when I grow and get older. Remembering how innocent and naive I was always makes me smile or even burst into laughter. And that's sweet. Always trying not to think back to the past is something really difficult for me. I have this habit of reflecting and judging my own life. Giving marks to myself every night before I sleep and, the funny thing is, I am always not enough. There's always something I should do, or something I could've done but I didn't and there comes the self-blame and self-punishment. And finally trying really hard to get over it.

I need to get over it!

Things were so different when we were young. From waking up every morning, eager to know how fun it will be to meet friends in schools and/or playing games with friends. Even watching the cartoon tv program every evening could bring utmost joy. Hardly remember any sadness except when we were caned by school teacher for not finishing our homeworks, or being ill because we eat too much snacks. "Worry" was so not in my dictionary. It's something I didn't do. What's there to worry when you have your parents to do it for you? So I just be happy.

I love having breakfast. I remembered my grandpa would make me Milo and I took two slices of bread and apply the butter and kaya on my own. Birds chirping while we enjoyed our breakfast planning what we are going to do after school with my siblings. It could be watching tv, playing badminton in front of our house, catch dragonflies nearby our house, or even catch fishes or frogs in the padi fields. Chasing butterflies in the fields. Sometime I tripped and fell and have a few bruise at my legs. It hurt but I would forget it easily after that.

Eating ice-cream is just as fun.

Going to school is fun. Meeting friends. Learning something new every day. Even though some teachers were strict and notorious, we jokes about them and respect them as we should. Of course there were some popular teachers who we likes and always have fun in their classes. But being with friends were great. Playing and eating during the recess, fighting over something stupid, sharing our toys and new stationary... Gosh, even colourful stickers on our pencil box would made us so proud that we have to show to the entire classroom.

Oh I was a good boy in school. A good student as well. Always finish my homeworks and got good grade. Love to bring back home my exam paper with the 100 marks on it! Surely made my mum proud. Of course, I didn't get 100 marks for every paper. But sometimes, I just luckily got it! :P And then my parents would buy me something as a reward. My favourite would be the Lego. Yeah I love playing Lego. Building house, car, and then having the small little man sitting in his well-built house... so much fun!

So many sweet memories. Life was so simple and fun. And why is it so much different now?! Oh yeah, I got complicated myself. So is my life. Is there any way to live a life I used to have? Such as enjoying the soft breeze caressing me in the big wide fields while listening to the song of the wind? Or drinking Milo again in the morning while applying the butter and kaya on my bread without having to rush to work? Or maybe closing my eyes softly when I was about to sleep knowing that tomorrow is gonna be a better and fun day?

I missed those days.

Really, those were the days.

Big Shots

Big Shots

Nothing more pleasing than watching rich men in suit and tie looking gorgeous every moment. It is even better to see them struggling with their own scandals and daily affairs while I am licking my tea-spoon full with raspberry ice-cream. Yummy-licious!

Got bored with some drama series I have been watching lately. Human is greedy and demanding. Yes, being human myself certainly always wanting something more, something better. Something better than what I have seen or possessed. Not that "Gossip Girl" and "Will & Grace" have lost their charms on me, but I guess I need something more. Damn that "Brothers & Sisters" new episode, kept on delaying. I so need to watch a drama with gay characters.

We're all straight!

So, surfing on the net again, I found this new drama series which can temporarily get me through the boredom while I'm waiting for the new episode of the "Brothers and Sisters". This drama is about four rich men, almost successful businessmen, with their interesting life. Scandals, affairs, ex-wife, divorce, businesses, money, sex and all that jazz. Some said it is the male version of "Sex and the city", some other said it looks like the male version of "Desperate Housewives".

Whatever it is, you know I won't resist to enjoy some men-candies. Besides, I always have a soft spot (or fetish?) for men in suit and tie. Elegant, charming, intelligent... ooh so sexy! Where's my Men At Play?!

What now?!

How about a trailer to give you an idea what the drama is all about?



Now would you please, excuse me. I have to get another "Big Shot"! :p

Unavoidable, Unwelcome Questions

It wasn't so bad last year or years before that. But this year, I can really feel the intensity and awkwardness of being asked the question :"When are you going to get a girlfriend?!"

I'm still a free man.

Not that I don't know this will be coming. Years ago I have already know that I will be asked with that questions and surely I have already prepared myself and figured out a lot of different answers to response to that predictably annoying and irritating question. And I hate the fact that it is unavoidable.

Auntie : I expect to see a girl beside you next year this time.
Uncle : You still receiving ang pow ar? When will be your turn to give away?
Married cousin : Still single? Your ambition is to become a monk?
Cousin brother : Yo dude! No girlfriend yet? Are you still a virgin?

Fuck off with all your stupid questions!

Damn those questions. As if I want to be single and unavailable? They have no idea what I have been, and still am going through. Despite those cruel and sarcastic questions being thrown at me like I deserve it, I still have to just politely give them a smile. Yeah, a fake one yet seemingly sincere and helpless one. Or perhaps I'll just say :"I will try to get one..." following the whisper in my heart "... in my next life, hopefully!".

It makes me feel sad really. Growing up is already something really challenging. No matter how hard I try to live a life I want, there's this not-so-small part of me that have to live up to somebody's expectation. That at my age now, I should be having a girlfriend. Then after maybe next 5 years, I should get married and have baby to form a family. It's normal. It's what everyone does. Well, almost everyone. And not being among the majority is hard.

And this year, I can really feel the pressure. Not only from my own family, but also from my relatives and friends. I could simply cast away those irrelevant comments and some sarcastic jokes that were thrown at me from many different ways. But knowing the fact that from now onwards, every year this time, I will have to face them again, drives me crazy!

It will never be the same anymore.

And I can already foresee, CNY won't be as much fun as it should be. Even if I luckily found a boyfriend, will it make up for what I have to face every year during CNY? I wonder.

Hunky Cousin

It's been a tradition since don't know when that we're supposed to visit our relatives during Chinese New Year. When I'm young, the only reason I did those 'kunjung-mengunjung' thing was solely because I got to get ang pau and met my cousin brothers and sisters. It seemed that when children were all got together, they surely have something to play about. And yes, we were all having fun together chasing around and played some games I hardly remember how to play.

Games? I want to play!

Getting older each and every year, the urge of doing the visiting is getting lesser and lesser. Even the idea of getting lotsa ang pau is no longer as tempting as it used to be. Besides, all cousins have their own friends and normally they're not around with the family anymore. They're either went out having fun with their friends, or just too old to play games with, or too strange to even talk to us. Well, we met once a year. We have our own separate and different way of life-style. There's nothing common to talk about. Or more accurately, we're just too lazy to even try to start any conversation.

However, tradition is still tradition. Visiting still has to be done. Somehow getting ang pau is still not a bad idea. So dragging myself out of the house following my parents with new clothes (even new underwear), I visited one of my auntie's house. Rich people who live in a mansion. Surely I will get a BIG ang pau, I told myself. It's funny even though we live in KL, we visited each other only once a year. How pathetic? Luckily Chinese New Year made us keep in touch, at least once a year.

You do remember me, don't you?

When we reached there, we made our way into the mansion greeting everyone "Gong Hey Fatt Choy!". Apparently, some other uncles and aunties were there as well. Of course, a few of my not-so-familiar cousins were there too. Greeted them as if I was meeting a stranger, asking each other's occupation and how old we are? Weird!

Everything seem so routine and dull until I meet this hunky cousin brother. Oh, I remember him. Well enough to scan through his whole body from top to the bottom. Tight white shirt with jeans?! Yeah, he's hot! What the fuck! He's my fucking cousin! Surely he go gym and worked really hard to have those well-shaped body that I would lick (IF AND ONLY IF HE'S NOT MY COUSIN!). My sister once caught him hitting the Fitness First centre. He must be a gym geek. Definitely straight because he's a girlfriend.

Despite hating the fact that he's my cousin and I can't 'do' him (please, I am not into incest!), part of me feel proud to have such a hunky good-looking cousin brother like him. Looking at his other brothers, well well well, they're not bad too. Yummy! Ehem, looking back at myself, hmmm.... I'm not so bad-looking myself. I guess it's in the blood. (Get a pail and vomit! I don't mind! LOL...).

It's getting Hotter and HOTTER!

Well, just like every time, I never really got the chance to talk to them. Throughout the whole visiting, they're hiding in their room don't know doing what? (Perhaps I am too hot that they thought they can't handle me?! So better hide in the room with blushing face?! Get a pail and vomit again, if needed!) Anyway, we just shook our hands saying goodbye when we were about to leave. Pathetic, I know! It's become the tradition. Anyway, at least I've found new motivation to keep on the tradition of CNY visiting.

Shop-a-holic

There's nothing makes me more happier (and guiltier) than spending money like nothing in a mall. The excitement and guilty pleasure of carrying those bags (big or small) visiting one shop followed by another searching for 'the one' that caught my eyes, and then 'own' it! And I felt fucking FABULOUS both hands carrying so many bags walking out of the mall big steps with my head high. Now, why am I suddenly think about "Devil who wears Prada?!"

Would you help me with the tie?

Yes, shopping shopping shopping! Not really a shop-a-holic myself really considering the fact that I normally do BIG shopping once a year before Chinese New Year. Well, I initially thought of saving money for my new car. But my so friendly and lovely sister actually talked me down from the tree and dragged me into the mall. There you go. Nothing more tempting than looking at those gorgeous models on the wall wearing great shirts or pants. And wandering in the gent's clothes department, I am so dead. Everything I touched must be conquered! I so wanna buy them all!

Angel : "Hold it, Ryan! You should save the money for your new car, remember?!"
Devil : "Oh come on! You've just got your bonus! No harm spending some!"
Angel :"No, Ryan! Keep it! Forget about new clothes. You have tonnes in your closet!"
Devil :"Those are old! Look, everyone's wearing new clothes for new year!"
Angel :"No no no! Old clothes is still good clothes!"
Devil :"Come on, buy one or two, no harm. One big car cost thousands, yet one nice shirt less than a hundred! It's CNY, go pamper yourself!"

Touch it, will ya?!

Fuck it! Forget about about everything. What matter most is NOW! Present is a gift! So I unleashed the evil in me. And I shop!

Searching through the gent's clothes department, I grabbed whatever I like and tried them all in the fitting room. Hardly glanced at the price tag, I just grabbed whatever that please my eyes or makes me feel good. Oh, man! The feeling was good! My parents who followed me were shocked! They must have thought I was crazy! Especially my mom. She certainly thought that I was out of my mind for not looking at the price tag and simply tried that expensive shirt.

And things got worse when my sister got in. We almost visited every single shop and tried a whole damn lot of clothes (except those shop where "No Trying!" sign was put up). And yes, we not-worrying-ly said "Yes!" to this jeans and that blouse to the sales girls and she smilingly wrapped them up and we paid. So fabulous!

Ahhh... shopping is fun! Now I know why those girls like shopping so much. Not that I don't know shopping is fun. But to really experience it myself, well, it just make me so much more certain that it is, indeed, FUN FUN FUN!!! No wonder all those rich aunties like shopping so much!

Are you rich?!

Guess what? I should get a rich boyfriend! Rich, hunky, caring, humourous, and RICH boyfriend! Damn, I am so shallow!

p/s: I do know how I will suffer later when the credit card statement arrive later. Don't be surprise when you see a post about the consequences I get for the over-spending I did in the coming future.