Thursday, December 06, 2007

Give Me A Break

"Who do you think you are for asking me to do that?! Just because you're well respected by other people doesn't mean that you have the special privileges to order people to do things you want people to do. And what do you think I am? Your slave or your maid?! And why should I even fucking consider your request which seem like an order?! You think you're King? Please!"

Fuck off!

I thought I have been very obvious about not wanting to do that job. Not that I don't like it, but I just don't want to stress myself up again having so many jobs in hand already. I know my limit. And don't even fucking ask me to push myself to the limit, for I have been pushing myself to the limit for the past 10 years and I ought to give myself a BIG TIME BREAK! And I know when I push myself too hard, I will end up being somebody worse and hell knows what would happen to me mentally and physically.

The thing is I am the perfect candidate to do that job. And I am well-known for being good at it (even though I hardly find myself up to the professional level). I think they must have been running out of better candidate. And being well-known is not good. Everytime when they need somebody to do that job, you will be the first one they ask for. Pretty straight-forward you see. But I am just tired of doing it. Besides, I have so many other tasks in hand waiting for me to settle. What now? So if I am good in everything, I will need to do everything?! Come on, go train up some other people!

I know I'm good. But there is someone better. Go dig 'em out!

Seriously when that person (don't bother to ask who he is) called me and request me to do that job, I was about to yell at him like how I wrote above. But being me, damn, sometime I am just too good to be true. I fucking accepted his request. Of course, unwillingly. And I made sure he felt that I was accepting it UNWILLINGLY.

I am not sure I am being an asshole or what. Maybe he called me at the wrong time. I was too caught up with overwhelming workloads and other problems having dogs and cats fight in my head. Chaos! I don't shout or yell. But something exploded within me. Headache! Headache! But come to think about it, I could've simply rejected him. And why am I still fucking accept it? Hmm... maybe, again, I don't want to be an asshole!? Or I couldn't reject his sincerity (as he actually called me up and kindly request)? Or is it because I actually like to do that job?!

Can't you see the fire in my eyes?!

Confused. But I am seriously stressed-up again. I have written an email for my leave application. I shouldn't think too much. Will just send the email to the boss tomorrow. I need to give myself a long break.


Jason said...

Okay, maybe you should really take leave and relax.
Hope you're better already, weekend's here.

coolgardy said...

You sound like u r about to explode...hope all is well over there! **hugz**

savante said...

Pissed at work now so I can certainly empathize!