Wednesday, December 12, 2007

The Unknown

Those things that we don't know can be creepy. And not knowing something can be scary. Thanks to our curiosity, we human always wants to know more. More facts. More information. We are scared of not knowing something. Perhaps because we don't want to be left behind.

What's it?!

There's another reason for wanting to know something. To have the sense of security. Like knowing more about disease and sickness. We want to know more about them so we know how to prevent, control or cure. And knowing more make us feel safe and calm. Being ignorant about them can make us feel uncertain of the future and it will lead to depression.

And I have met the unknown fact today. Well, so far it is an unknown fact. Something wrong with the system but I still have no idea why or what is the cause of the problem. That's frustrating. Not knowing the cause of the problem is bad. Is really bad! Because you won't know what to do. Like curing a sick patient, if you don't know what is the cause of the sickness, you won't know what kind of treatment to give.

And you don't know me...

And I hate looking at the cause of the problems. Problem itself is already sickening. Not knowing the cause of this problem is even worse. You won't know how long it will take for you to figure it out. It can be in a few seconds. And it can also be a few days, a few weeks or even a few months. And having the deadline tomorrow, I feel like ... SHIT! Having working hard the whole day, I didn't even have any more energy to figure out what is wrong with the system. After trying to have myself sit in front of the computer and do some trial on error, in the end, I gave up and went home. I have a backup plan of course. Somehow I believe after a good rest and fresh mind, I should be able to work and perform better.


Still, having an unsolved problems there always make me feel insecure. What if tomorrow I can't solve it? What if things got worse? What if customers complain? What if ... all that fucking jazz. I won't know. The cause of the problem remain unknown. And I am gonna fucking figure it out tomorrow.


savante said...

What is unknown?! :O

Kenny said...

Through my journey reading your blog, I noticed that you worried over a lot of things, it seems that you also worried that you did not do it good enough or up to your standard, giving yourselves a lot of pressure. And also most of my characteristic is just like you, sometimes I just think I can't do it anymore. As for you, stop worrying too much, you have depression base, it will affect you. btw, I am anaximander. I left commment on gaining weight before this. Remember?