I always have Monday Blue. Alwayz. And the rainy morning does really help to make me even more sleepy than usual. It was as if the drizzling rain has also swept away my motivation to work.
Anyway after lunch time, there was this friend who suddenly chat with me through gtalk messenger. He was sitting right at another end. So I couldn't see him actually actually from my seat. Sometime when I'm bored, I would ping him and disturb him through gtalk.
Anyway, today he was griping over another colleague who's not being understanding and judge by her own view. So he was pretty pissed off and annoyed. And I don't know why suddenly he could become so mad that he need to release his anger and tension by talking to me.
And this whole thing reminds me of my life in secondary school and university life. I used to very good in giving advise. Most of my friends would come to me for advise. Mostly about life and friendship. Maybe being the leader most of the time really give others an impression that you see things further and more experienced. And I was always glad to give advise. As if I am their big brother telling them that they should do this and not do that. Or they can try this but not try that. Amazingly I remember that I had this confident that I was telling the right thing. And most of them listened and followed.
Looking back who I was, I am so much different now. I no longer give advise. I'd rather listen. To me now, giving advise hold a very huge responsibility. Other trust you so much that they listened to your advise and follow your guidance whole-heartedly. I'm scared. I'm scared that I lead them to the wrong end. I'm scared that I might cause them even more trouble.And even though at the end they might not blame me, I would never forgive myself.
So I choose to listen. And instead of giving advise, I always smile at them and said that they will get through this or that. And that I will be with them. Or I will be there when they need me. Yes, I am serious about that. I am not intelligent enough to provide solution for every problems. So, I always tell them that I will go through the pain, suffer, sorrow, despair with them. I know that's good enough.
I still remember when I was suffering from depression, my mom told me one thing that I will never forget for the rest of my life. She said :
"Mommy cannot help you. But please remember that I will go through this with you!"
And for that instant, my tears flow like river out of my eyes. It's the thought of knowing that you're not alone, someone are there with you, you have someone to hold on to whenever you fall, which comfort me and cast away all my fears.
So whenever my friend comes to me for advise, I will only listen to their problems. Depression has undoubtedly taken away much of my confident in giving advise to others. But I am definitely strong enough to listen and make them feel how lucky and precious they are. And listening to them talking about their problems is sometime good enough.